


New Moon (Re-written)

by darkgreenwater



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M, following the base of the original storyline, new moon but its re-written to be gay, no edward no bella, some parts of the chapters left untouched / as originally written, the cullens arent main characters and appear only briefly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22102765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkgreenwater/pseuds/darkgreenwater
Summary: What if Bella was a guy and Jacob his best friend? The book "New Moon" re-written except the main character knows nothing about vampires and the Cullens are barely mentioned. (This is an attempt at treating the Quileute with respect and without racist stereotyping.)
Relationships: Jacob Black/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 73





	1. Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I had like last year when re-watching the Twilight movies for fun with my girlfriend because she'd never seen them.
> 
> ON THE QUILEUTE: Stephenie Meyer has written her story from a white, US-American point of view that unfortunately includes a lot of racism towards the Native American tribe which Jacob belongs to, the Quileute. The real-life people have not gained anything from this story that exploits them, other than a racially prejudiced, stereotypical representation written by a white Mormon. Instead of accurately presenting Natives in their many forms and facets, Meyer blatantly ignored real-life issues at hand and profited off her racist presentation, making the Quileute a sexualized, mysticized fictional version of who they really are.  
> The Quileute took a stance on Twilight and its harmful misrepresentations, and gave correct and realistic insight with their own united voice here: https://www.burkemuseum.org/static/truth_vs_twilight/ 
> 
> PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING TO THE QUILEUTE AND OTHER NATIVE AMERICAN CAUSES, such as: 
> 
> https://mthg.org/ - Moving the Quileute to a higher ground so they can live safely instead of in a natural catastrophe-ridden, dangerous area 
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/NHFC19Relief - Navajo and Hopi Families COVID-19 relief fund (More Natives are suffering and dying from this virus than 1/4 of all US-American States combined) 
> 
> https://mashpeewampanoagtribe-nsn.gov/standwithmashpee - The Mashpee Wampanoag tribe is losing their native land piece by piece. Help preserve what belongs to THEM, not the colonizers.
> 
> PLEASE ALSO only buy Native American art from actual Native Americans! Don't support colonizers' factory-produced jewelry, dreamcatchers, pipes, etc., as Natives whose culture(s) these things belong to, don't make a cent in profit on these sales and instead suffer monetary loss from people buying cheap-made factory garbage instead of hand-crafted, ethical work. Thank you!
> 
> +++++++ This work of fanfiction is under revision and I will fact-check all I have put in here regarding the tribe. I will either re-write the story or abandon it / take it down completely, depending on how accurate and respectful of a representation I will be able to give. (Last updated: May 4th, 2020) +++++++

"How was your birthday?"

"Ugh." I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."

Mike, the store manager, looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.

Work dragged. Newton's felt emptier than usual, and I was unfocused. I kept thinking about Jacob and even half-expected him to walk into the hardware store whenever a motorbike rattled past. 

Our relationship had always been easy-going, ever since childhood. But then my mom took me to Arizona, leaving both Jacob and Charlie, my dad, behind. At the time I felt like it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Once I came back to Forks, it felt strange at first, but then as if I'd never left. I met Jacob again at Charlie's, when him and his dad Billy were over to plan a fishing trip. I remember walking into the kitchen because I had heard voices and there he was - taller than I remembered, tanner than I remembered, and hair much longer than when he was a kid. I don't think I changed much over the years, and he recognized me right away. He pulled me into one of his bear hugs and I felt at home again. Charlie had looked at us with a strange, but positive, expression on his face. 

The relief I felt when I turned into my street and saw Billy's old truck parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. I hadn't seen Jacob all summer because I'd been back in Phoenix to visit my mom. 

I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside. 

"Dad? Jake?"

As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's SportsCenter coming from the living room. 

"I'm here." Charlie called. 

I hung my jacket on its peg and hurried around the corner. 

Billy sat in his wheelchair by the sofa, my father in the armchair. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. 

"Hi." I said, disappointed that my friend was nowhere to be seen. 

"Hey, man." my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

I waited in the doorway. Finally, Billy looked over at me with a polite smile. "Jake's home with a fever. But he promised to come by soon." His eyes strayed back to the TV. 

I nodded and went to my room. The pizza in the kitchen held no interest for me. 

In front of me, on my desk, my presents from Charlie and my mom, Renee. They'd given me a polaroid camera I hadn't had the chance to use as of yet, and an old-looking, leather-bound photo album to go with it. "For your senior year memories." the card, that came with the presents, read. 

Truth is I wasn't really one to take pictures, not even on my phone, but I couldn't disappoint them like that. Charlie didn't fail to make clear to me just how proud they were of their gift idea. They had the sentiment of their own senior year days being their best memories of teenhood, and expected me to feel the same. I guess they forgot that high school sports take up all of my private time. 

I touched the photo album and flipped the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't all too bad of an idea to make some record of my life here. In fact, I appreciated the sentiment, I really did. But I worried about not having the time - or moments worth enough to capture. I always stressed about time because I had pressure coming down on me from all sides. Suddenly I felt a strange urge to get started, take the first picture. 

I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture to come out of it. Could they possibly turn out anything like the hundreds of pictures my dad had taken during my childhood? I doubted it. He had an eye for things the way I knew I didn't. But Charlie didn't seem worried that I wouldn't at least try. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night when we had birthday cake. The chuckle died away at the thought of my mom. So much had changed since I left her to come back here, and so abruptly. 

I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed down the stairs. 

The kitchen hadn't really changed all that much in the years since my mother had been here. The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. The kitchen table with its tablecloth made of wax.

Regardless, I snapped a picture of the kitchen. Just to try it out - I had never used a polaroid camera before - but it turned out fine. The colors were light and faded, but I liked how they gave the picture a unique atmosphere.

I went to the living room and stood in the doorway. Charlie and Billy hadn't changed their positions and still followed the football game silently. I raised the camera and took their photo, watched it develop, the old men's outlines grow clearly on the paper, and I wondered how long it would stay like this. How much longer Jake and I would have with our dads. 

"Jordan, what are you doing?" Charlie frowned, but he kept his eyes glued to the static screen. 

"Oh, come on." I said as I went to sit on the sofa. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled. 

"Because you're such a looker," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hey, Billy," I said and turned to him. "Take one of me and Dad together, will ya?"

I handed the camera to him and leaned over to Charlie, throwing my arm around him. I gave a wide grin, Charlie sighed. 

"You gotta smile, Charles." Billy said. 

He did his best, and the camera clicked. 

"Let me take one of you guys." Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself. I thought Jake might like to have the photo, though, so I obliged. 

Billy lightly tossed him the camera. I got up to squat beside him, my arm rested on the backrest of his wheelchair. We beamed for Charlie.

Once the polaroid slid out at the top, Charlie said, "Enough pictures for tonight. You don't have to use them all up now. They're expensive, you know?"

I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school, waiting for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to when I was a kid. I realized then how much I had missed this in the Arizona desert - the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.

I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new little side project rather than the impatience to see Jake. I decided I would drive by after school, even if Billy wouldn't let me see him. I could have called, too, but I wanted a chance to say hi in person. 

At lunch I sat with the rest of the school's athletes, the only fried group I really belonged to. Being in our football team meant that everybody wanted to be our friend, they all bragged to their friends about supposedly hooking up with us at parties or hanging with us after school. I was no exception, especially not in my position as wide receiver and thus right-hand-man to our star quarterback, Kennedy Jones. Apart from Jake and Owen, one of our linebackers, he was my only true friend. 

I leaned across the lunch table's invisible line between the football team and the cheerleaders, and spoke to Jessica, Owen's girlfriend. 

"Hey, Jess?"

"What's up, Jodie?"

"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some photos of everybody, yeah?"

I handed her the camera. 

"Sure," she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Owen with his mouth full.

A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about it being polaroid. It seemed strangely air-headed. For the first time I really wondered whether the dumb-jock-stereotypes were true. 

"Uh-oh," Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. "Looks like we used all your polaroids."

"That's okay, I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed."

After school, I walked back to the parking lot with Jake in my mind. I had to work this afternoon, but I thought I could skip this shift. The drive to the Quileute reservation would take too long to make it there and back in time. 

Just in that moment my phone rang. I took it out of my jeans pocket and answered. 

"Hel-"

"Jordan, we really need you today, where are you? They bring the wood today."

I sighed inaudibly. This was just my luck. "I'm on my way, I just got out of school."

"Well, better hurry then!" Mike said in a harsh tone. I just hung up on him. 

Work ended up being exhausting and tiresome, both mentally and physically. My shift ended at seven, so it was already too late to drive up to the reservation. I would just call Jake's house, then. He didn't have a cellphone because his family couldn't afford it, but also he just didn't want one. Jake was strangely old-fashioned when it came to technology. But then again so was his dad.

At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a ready-made sandwich from the fridge and hurried up to my room.

I sat on my bed and took an envelope with the polaroids from school out of my bag. Not yet used to the polaroid technology, I still half expected the pictures to be blank. I flipped through the stack quickly once, and then laid three of the pictures out on the bed side by side. 

The first was the picture of Billy and me, Billy's warm eyes touched with the same tolerant amusement that I had seen on Jake's face before. The second was Billy and Charlie, watching ESPN. 

The last was a picture of Kennedy and me sitting at the lunch table, talking. Kennedy's features were somewhat twisted in excitement and I remembered the conversation we had, about him possibly getting a scholarship for some great college. The contrast between our faces was sad; He looked so cheerful. I looked almost taken aback. And I was, because I hadn't thought about college, or Kennedy leaving, or high school ending. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of dawning anxiety at the thought of our futures. 

Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album. With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the picture of Billy and me and put it on my nightstand so I wouldn't forget to give it to Jacob later. 

When I was done, I stuffed some polaroids I didn't need to keep in a fresh envelope and wrote a thankyou letter to my mom. 

I tried to call Jake a few times, then, but at first no one picked up and then, finally, Billy told me that he was asleep. I didn't want to admit to myself that Jake was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time I'd gone that long without seeing him, without a phone call, but I couldn't think of anything. 

I didn't sleep well. 

School followed the hectic but boring pattern of the last two days. A chemistry test I hadn't prepared for slapped me in the face and, subsequently, my overall grade for the class. I couldn't afford bad grades though, not if I wanted a scholarship like Kennedy. 

Unlike what my mother always said of me, I actually enjoyed playing football. I liked it because it was a team sport, I was good at it and I could have a future in it. I wasn't sure what else I would do after college. Football was always my main focus, I guess because it was a path laid out for me and thus the easiest to follow. Still, I felt lost in the face of my rapidly approaching future. I had already applied to some colleges, I had performed for scholarship officials, but no one had answered just yet. I still have a 

few more schools to apply to, though. 

My eighteenth birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Jacob would come see me. But I couldn't count on it, with him being sick and all, so I just resorted to calling again. This time no one picked up. 

I wanted to drive over, I had Charlie draw the way into a map for me, but something held me back. I had a strange feeling about going there - I'd never been, not even as a child - and it unsettled me. Why had I never been as a child? Maybe the Quileute didn't want a white kid intrude on what was already limited space. That made sense to me. I couldn't think of another reason. 

As Charlie and me sat in front of the TV to watch a game of baseball, each of us a plate of dinner on our thighs, the phone rang. 

Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen. 

"Yeah." Charlie said, and yawned. 

His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?" There was a pause. Alarmed by his tone I muted the TV. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out there?" He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."

I listened with more interest as he punched in a number. 

"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie. Sorry I'm calling so late. No, we're fine, that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really... Oh!" Suddenly there was an edge in his voice - irritation, or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it sarcastically. "Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread... I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather."

Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly, "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right - they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found it, so I owe you one... Yeah, I'll talk to you later." he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room.

"What's wrong?" I asked. 

He hurried to sit down next to me on the sofa. 

"Oh, nothing." he said, acting as if nothing was wrong. 

"Is something burning?"

"It's nothing, man." he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."

"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious, but more worried. 

Charlie frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy." he explained.

I could tell he didn't want to talk about this any longer. He took a sip of his beer and unmuted the TV. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter. 

"Oh, right, don't they have these coming-of-age rituals or something?" I said. 

The Quileute had their superstitions about "becoming a man", just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had once warned us to stay away from the forests. 

"It's ridiculous." Charlie spluttered. He didn't like the dangerous aspects of these ceremonies. 

We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was now pitch black outside, no moonlight to be seen. Maybe it was a lunar eclipse, a new moon. 

"Jordan?" Charlie asked. 

I didn't look at him - the baseball was getting interesting. "Hm, yeah?"

"Have you ever visited Jake at home since you came back from your mom's?"

I turned my head at that, furrowed my eyebrows. "No, why?"

Charlie nodded, obviously relieved. "Just wonderin'. You boys haven't seen each other in some time.”


	2. Boys' Night

"Jordan?"

I recognized Genevieve Primble's voice, and I knew what her next words would be before she said them.

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

I looked up. She was leaning across my table with an anxious expression. Every Friday she asked me the same question. Never mind that she knew I had work tomorrow but somehow she still hoped, every week, that I would be free. 

"Sorry. Work." I said with an apologetic smile and the hand gesture to go with it. 

She nodded, obviously disappointed. "See you in Spanish." He waved once before turning her back. At least she had given up on walking me to class after being rejected.

I went off to Calculus with an annoyed expression. This was the class where I sat next to Jessica. 

I couldn't imagine how Owen put up with her for so long. She was loud and obnoxious, constantly bragging about her parents' money and Owen's "huge hardwood." As his best mate and team member I have had to see it quite often in my locker room career - she was lying about it. For whatever reason. 

Usually Jessica would greet me in an unnecessarily loud voice, to make sure everyone in class knew she was acquainted with a member of the football team, but today she was sulking. I was confused and leaned over to ask her what was wrong. 

"Jess?" I whispered. 

She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. "Are you talking to me, Jordan Swan?"

"Of course." I tried not to roll my eyes. 

"What? Do you need help with Calculus?" Her tone was sour.

"Nah, I just wanted to know what's up? You seem kinda... out of it."

She stares at me in shock, visibly offended. 

"Why don't you ask your buddy Mister Tanner?" She replied and turned around again.

So that's what I did. After school I made my way through our football team and, having reached Owen, threw my arm around him. "I've been told to ask Mister Tanner what he did to a certain Miss Beckett?"

Owen's face scrunched up and he looked almost hurt. "We broke up."

I didn't expect that. They had been together since Junior High. 

"Oh damn, bro, I didn't-"

Kennedy patted my arm once to signalize that I should drop it. 

'What happened?' I mouthed in his direction. 

Kennedy shook his head. "Owen and me were just making plans to go to the movies tonight. You wanna come?"

I thought about Charlie for a moment, who would probably celebrate me living my senior year the way he had secretly wanted me to. Then I thought about Jake and how I wouldn't see him today. I shrugged. 

"Yeah, sure. But I'm not sure what's playing." I turned to Owen. "Is there anything you'd like to see, bud?"

Owen's natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of his sadness as he thought out loud. "Well, there's that new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews. I want to see that one. And my dad just saw Dead End and he really liked it."

Kennedy perked up at the promising title. "What's that one about?"

"Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years."

"Sounds good!" Kennedy exclaimed. I knew he'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance. I didn't mind either option. 

"Okay, cool." Owen said. "See you there, then. I gotta go, my sister's waiting for the car."

We patted his shoulders to say goodbye and looked after him as he trudged to his car. 

"He cheated on Jessica." Kennedy said, unprompted, as soon as Owen was out of earshot. 

I sat in the passenger seat of Kennedy's Chevrolet as we waited for Owen to come out of his house. Kennedy honked once and we saw the front door opening. 

"Thanks for distracting me tonight," Owen said as he got into the car beside me, pressing all of us into a space not designed to fit three football players at once. I sat glued between my friends and felt strangely out of place. Lately our interactions seemed forced, at least to me. Plus, I didn't quite feel right about comforting Owen when Jessica was the one who needed it.

"Sure, man, no problem!" Kennedy said somewhat too friendly and freed his arm from where it was 

wedged between his and my bodies, to give Owen's neck a gentle squeeze. 

The drive to the movies was awkward, to say the least - not only was the unbroken full-body-contact uncomfortable, but we didn't know what to talk about. Not even Kennedy, who was a natural talent at holding conversation. 

We ended up arguing over last Sunday's game and how this Sunday's would go. Thank God the others cared about baseball almost as much as football - those two topics could never be exhausted.

The movie was playing earlier, so we decided we should hit the twilight showing and eat later. I was happy to go along with whatever they wanted; I was just glad to spend some time with friends, even if it was more to distract myself from Jake. 

The night went on, more or less uneventful. The movie was alright, it seemed to scare Owen because he would grip our wrists on the arm rests between us. We had dinner at a Wendy's and stayed a little longer for a beer. 

When we got back in the car, Owen turned the radio to some hard rock station and turned the volume too loud to allow easy conversation. Undoubtedly the heartbreak was coming back to him. Just as Jacob was coming back to my mind - I started to get worried. How long can one have a fever, especially someone as healthy as him? 


	3. Big Bears And Motorbikes

"Jordan, why don't you take off?" Mike suggested, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at me.

It was a slow afternoon at Newton's. At the moment there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation. Mike had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight tool boxes with them. But they'd taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trail. Their distraction had given Mike a chance to escape. 

"I don't mind staying." I said. I had no football practice to get to, no friends to meet up with. I tried to tune out the annoying laughter of the hikers without success. 

"I'm telling you," said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn't match his dark brown hair. "I've seen grizzlies pretty close up in Yellowstone, but they had nothing on this brute." His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they'd been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains.

"Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs." The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust. 

"Seriously, Joe, as soon as these two give up, I'm closing the place down." Mike murmured. 

"If you want me to go..." I shrugged. 

"On all fours it was taller than you.“ The bearded man insisted while I gathered my things together. “Big as a house and pitch black. I’m going to report it to the ranger here. People ought to be warned – this wasn’t up on the mountain, mind you – this was only a few miles from the trailhead.”

Leather-face laughed and rolled his eyes. “Let me guess – you were on your way in? Hadn’t eaten real 

food or slept off the ground in a week, right?”

“Hey, uh, Mike, right?” the bearded man called, looking toward us.

“See you Monday.” I waved goodbye. 

“Yes, sir.” Mike replied, turning away. 

“Say, have there been any warnings around here recently – about black bears?”

“No, sir. But it’s always good to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only weigh two pounds…”

The doors slid open to let me out into the rain. I hunched over inside my jacket as I dashed for my truck. The rain hammering against my hood sounded unusually loud, but soon the roar of the engine drowned out everything else. 

I didn’t want to go back to Charlie’s empty house – he had a Sheriff shift today. Instead I just drove around town aimlessly, taking in what had and hadn’t changed over the summer that I spent away. I drove down empty, wide-set roads as I avoided the way that would take me straight home, because I didn’t have anywhere to go; The Quileute reservation was still off-limits for me, Kennedy wasn’t in town, Owen was probably out drunk somewhere, trying to get over Jessica – or himself. 

The small town loneliness really caught up with me, then. As I watched rainy brown streets pass by, I realized that I felt as alone again as I had when I first came back. Before I knew Kennedy and Owen, before Jacob and me had rekindled our friendship. Back when my skin was still used to desert sun and cactus pricks and the warm touch of Selena, my girlfriend. 

Selena and me broke up before I moved back to Forks because we didn’t want to have to deal with long distance. We agreed on it, stayed friends, hooked up once or twice over summer. I missed her and her bright personality, now that the only other bright personality I knew was sick in bed.

I ended up driving to the water, where I parked my car on the side of the road. I stared out the windshield for a long moment, my thoughts moving sluggishly – I couldn’t seem to move past the bittersweet memories of Arizona. I cut the engine, which was groaning in a pitiful way after idling for so long, and stepped out into the drizzle. 

The cold rain dripped through my hair and then trickled down my face like freshwater tears. It helped to clear my head. I blinded the water from my eyes, staring blankly across the road. 

After a minute of staring, I recognized where I was. I’d parked in the middle of the north lane of Russell Avenue. I was standing in front of the Markses’ house. My truck blocked their driveway and I went to move it, when a sign in the Markses’ yard caught my eye – it was just a big piece of cardboard leaning against their mailbox post, with black letters sprawled out in caps across it. Behind it a bunch of dilapidated motorcycles rusted in the rain. 

I had always wanted one, everything about them fascinated me (though I knew nothing), and that wish was just given power when my mom’s new boyfriend Tom let me sit on the back of his. It was built like a dirt bike, slender and agile, and painted orange. Reckless and stupid. Those were Charlie’s two very favorite words to apply to motorcycles.

Charlie’s job didn’t get a lot of action compared to cops in bigger towns, but he did get called in on traffic accidents. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of that kind of action. But even with all the huge log-haulers barreling around the turns, mostly people walked away from accidents. The exceptions to that 

rule was often on motorcycles, and Charlie had seen one too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway. He’d made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle. Even at that age, I didn’t have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride a motorbike here? 

But in Arizona I had tasted blood, and I wanted more. 

That’s as far as I thought it through. I sloshed through the rain to the Markses’ front door and rang the bell. 

One of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger one, the freshman. I couldn’t remember his name. His sandy hair only came up to my chest. 

He had no trouble remembering my name. “Jordan Swan?” he asked in surprise. 

“How much do you want for the bike?” I asked, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the sales display. 

“Are you serious?” he demanded.

“Of course I am.”

“They don’t work.”

I sighed impatiently – this was something I’d already inferred from the sign. “How much?”

“If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they’d get picked up with the garbage.”

I glanced at the bikes again and saw that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches. “Are you sure about that?”

“’Course, you want to ask her?”

It was probably better not to involve adults who might mention this to Charlie. 

“Nah, I believe you.” 

“You want me to help you?” he offered. “They’re kinda heavy.”

“Sure, thanks. I only need one, though.”

“Might as well take both.” The boy said. “Maybe you could scavenge some parts.”

He followed me out into the rain and helped me load both of the bikes into the back of my truck. He seemed eager to be rid of them, so I didn’t argue. 

“What are you gonna do with them, anyway?” he asked. “They haven’t worked in years.”

“I kind of guessed that.” I said, shrugging. My spur-of-the-moment whim hadn’t come with a plan intact. “Maybe I’ll take them to Dowling’s.”

He snorted. “Dowling would charge more to fix them than they’d be worth running.”

I couldn’t argue with that. John Dowling had earned a reputation for his pricing; no one went to him except in an emergency. Most people preferred to make the drive up to Port Angeles, if their car was able. I’d been very lucky on that front – I’d been worried, when Charlie first gifted me my ancient 

truck, that I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep it running. But I’d never had a single problem with it, other than the screaming-loud engine and the fifty-five-mile-per-hour maximum speed limit. Jacob had kept it in great shape when it had belonged to his father…

Inspiration hit like a bolt of lightning. “You know what? That’s okay. I know someone who builds cars.”

“Oh. That’s good.” He smiled in relief. 

He waved as I pulled away, still smiling. Friendly kid. 

I drove quickly and purposefully now, in a hurry to get home before there was the slightest chance of Charlie appearing, even in the highly unlikely event that he might knock off early. I dashed through the house to the phone, keys still in hand. 

“Chief Swan, please.” I said when the deputy answered. “It’s Jodie.”

“Oh, hey, Jodie.” Deputy Steve said affably. “I’ll go get him.”

I waited. 

“What’s wrong, Jordan?” Charlie demanded as soon as he picked up the phone. 

“Can’t I call you at work without there being an emergency?”

He was quiet for a moment. “You never have before. Is there an emergency?”

“No, I just wanted directions to the Black’s place – I know you drew it on the map but I’m not good with maps. I want to visit Jake. I haven’t seen him in months and I bet he’s lonely with the fever and all.”

When Charlie spoke again, his voice was much happier. “Oh sure, sounds great. Do you have a pen?”

The directions he gave me were very simple, much easier to understand that the map. I assured him that I would be back for dinner, though he tried to tell me not to hurry. He wanted to join me in La Push, but I wasn’t having that. 

Finally having a bigger reason to force me to the Blacks – the motorbikes couldn’t be hidden at my dad’s house – I drove too quickly through the storm-darkened streets out of town. I hoped I could get Jacob alone. Billy would probably not let me in, or tell on me if he discovered the bikes. 

While I drove, I worried about Billy’s reaction to seeing me. He wouldn’t be too pleased. In Billy's mind, no doubt, Jake and me were nothing but trouble. He loved me in his own way, I knew that, but as we grew older, he started to mistrust me. At least it seemed like it. 

The Black's house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrow windows, the dull red paint making it resemble a tiny barn. Jacob's head peered out of the window before I could even get out of the truck. No doubt the familiar roar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. 

Jacob had been very grateful when Charlie bough Billy's truck for me, saving Jacob from having to drive it when he came of age. I liked my truck very much, but Jake seemed to consider the speed restrictions a shortcoming. 

He met me halfway to the house. 

"Jodie!" His excited grin stretched wide across his face, the white teeth standing in vivid contrast to the 

deep russet color of his skin. I didn't remember to have seen his hair out if its usual braid before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of his beaming face, which had hardened out of its childhood mask - the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone.

Jacob had grown into some of his potential in the last eight months. He'd passed that point where the soft muscles of boyhood hardened into the solid, lanky build of a teenager. He didn't have the body for football, maybe, but more that of a marathon runner. And it made sense, too - the boy could run faster than me. 

"Hey, Jake!" I felt the familiar surge of enthusiasm at his smile. This was my childhood best friend, and I was more than happy to see him. He seemed healthy and fever-free. I was relieved. 

I smiled back, and something clicked silently into place, like two corresponding puzzle pieces. This was a new feeling for me and I didn't understand it. But it didn't bother me.

He stopped a few feet away from me, and I stared at his face, our eyes at level. We were the same height. "You grew again!" I accused in amazement. I could swear his head had stopped shortly under my nose when I last saw him. 

He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. "Six two." he announced with self-satisfaction. His voice was deep, but it still had the husky tone I got to know when we were kids.

"Is it ever going to stop?" I shook my head in disbelief. "You'll outgrow me, man!"

"Still a beanpole, though." He grimaced. "Come inside! The rain's cold."

He led the way, twisting his hair into a bun as he walked. He pulled a hair-tie from his hip pocket and wound it around the bundle.

"Hey, Dad." he called as he ducked to get through the front door. "Look who stopped by."

Billy was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me. 

"Well, what do you know! It's good to see you, Jordan." We shook hands. "What brings you out here? Everything okay with Charlie?"

"Oh yeah, no worries. I just wanted to see Jacob - we haven't seen each other in ages."

Jake's eyes brightened at my words. He was smiling so big it looked like it would hurt his cheeks. 

"Are you gonna stay for dinner?" Billy was strangely eager, too. 

"No, I've got to feed Charlie, you know."

"I'll call him now," Billy suggested. "He's always invited."

I laughed to hide my confusion and discomfort. Had Billy suddenly changed his attitude towards me? And if so, why? "It's not like you'll never see me again. I promise I'll be back again soon - so much you'll get sick of me." After all, if Jake could fix the bike, someone had to teach me how to ride it. 

Billy nodded with a smile. "Okay, maybe next time."

"So, man, what do you wanna do?" Jake asked. 

"Whatever. What were you doing before I came?" I felt instantly comfortable here. It was familiar, but 

only distantly. There were no bittersweet reminders of the recent past, only blurry images from childhood. 

Jake scratched his head. "I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else-"

"No, sounds great!" I interrupted. "I didn't get to see your car yet."

"Okay, it's out back in the garage. Let's go."

A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed his garage from the house. It was no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Under this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, was what looked to me like a completed automobile. I recognized the symbol on the grille, at least. 

"What kind of Volkswagen is that?" I asked, pointing at it. 

"It's an old Rabbit - 1986, a classic."

"How's it going?"

"Almost finished!" he said cheerfully. And then his voice dropped into a lower key. "My dad made good on his promise in summer."

I took off my varsity jacket and threw it over a little stool in the corner. "Bro, what do you know about motorcycles?"

He shrugged. "Some. My friend Embry, you don't know him, he has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?"

"Well..." I considered it for a moment. I wasn't sure if he could keep his mouth shut, but I didn't have many other options. I was dead-set on this motorbike thing, plus it gave me Jake and me the opportunity to spend more time with each other. 

"I got a couple of bikes the other day, but they're not in the greatest condition. I thought we could work on them together? One for you, one for me."

Jake's eyes widened in awe. "Damn cool." He seemed truly pleased by the challenge. His face glowed. "I'll be happy to give it a try."

"The only thing is," I explained, "Charlie doesn't want me to even touch a motorcycle. Honestly, he'd probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this. So you can't tell Billy."

"Sure, sure." Jake smiled. "I understand. When will you break them down?" He clasped his hands.

"They're in my truck already." I confessed. 

"Great!" He seemed to mean it. 

"Will Billy see if we bring them around?"

He winked at me. "We'll be sneaky."

We eased around from the east, sticking to the trees when we were in view of the windows, affecting a casual-looking stroll, just in case. We unloaded the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, wheeling them one by one into the shrubbery. It had looked easy for Jacob - to me the bike felt much heavier than what he made it seem. 

"These aren't half bad," he appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. "This one here will actually be worth something when I'm done - it's an old Harley Sprint."

"That one's yours, then."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, man, go for it."

"These are going to take some cash, though." he said, frowning down at the blackened metal. "We'll have to save up for parts first."

"I've got some money saved. College fund, you know? If I get a scholarship, I won't need all of it."

Jacob just nodded. This all made perfect sense to his seventeen-year-old mind.


	4. Garage Afternoons

The motorcycles didn't need to be hidden any further than simply placing them in Jacob's shed. Billy's wheelchair couldn't maneuver the uneven ground separating it from the house. 

Jacob started pulling the first bike - the red one, which was destined for me - to pieces immediately. He opened up the passenger door of the Rabbit so I could sit on the seat instead of on the ground. While he worked, Jake chattered happily, needing only the lightest of nudges from me to keep the conversation rolling. He updated me on the progress of his sophomore year of school, running on about his classes and his two best friends from the reservation whom I never met before. 

"Quil and Embry?" I interrupted. "Those are unusual names." 

Jacob chuckled. "Quil's is a hand-me-down, and I think Embry got named after a soap opera star. I can't say anything, though, they fight dirty if you start on their names - they'll tag team you. But if you don't mess with them, they're good friends."

Just then a call echoed in the distance. "Jakey?" someone shouted. 

I raised my eyebrow at the nickname. "Is that Billy?" I asked. 

"No." Jacob ducked his head, and it looked like he was blushing under his brown skin. "Speak of the devil." he mumbled. 

"Jake? Are you out here?" The shouting was closer now. 

"Yeah!" He shouted back, and sighed. 

We waited through the short silence until two tall, dark-skinned boys strolled around the corner into the shed. One was slender and almost as tall as Jake and me. His black hair was shoulder-length and parted down the middle, one side tucked behind his left ear while the right side swung free. The shorter boy was hard-faced, his white t-shirt strained over his chest, and he seemed gleefully conscious of that fact. His hair was so short it was almost a buzz. 

Both boys stopped short when they saw me. The thin boy glanced swiftly back and forth between Jake and me, while the other one kept his eyes on me, a slow smile spreading across his face. 

"Hey, guys." Jake greeted them halfheartedly. 

"Hey, Jake." the short one said without looking away from me. I had to smile in response, his grin was so impish. When I did, he winked at me. 

"Is this the one you told us about?" the shorter one asked. 

"Quil, Embry - this is my friend, Jordan."

Quil and Embry, I still didn't know which was which, exchanged a loaded look. 

"Charlie's kid, right?" the short one asked me, holding out his hand. 

"That's right." I confirmed, shaking hands with him. His hand was much smaller than mine but his grasp was firm. 

"I'm Quil Ateara." he announced grandly before releasing my hand. I nodded with a smile,

"Hey, Jordan, I'm Embry Call. He smiled and waved with one hand, which he then shoved in the pocket of his jeans. 

"So what are you guys doing?" Quil asked. 

"Jodie and I are gonna fix up these bikes." Jake explained and it seemed to trigger something in the boys. Both of them went to examine our project, drilling Jake with educated questions. Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to scour the internet for information later, so I wouldn't look like a complete idiot. 

They were still immersed in talk of parts and pieces when I decided that I needed to head back home before Charlie showed up here. With a look at my phone I climbed out of the Rabbit which was a little too small for my long legs. 

Jacob looked up, apologetic. "We're excluding you, aren't we?"

"Nah, it's fine, I'm learning." I said and it wasn't a lie. "I just have to get home, I promised Charlie to be there for dinner."

"Oh... Well, I'll finish taking these apart tonight and figure out what more we'll need to get started rebuilding them. When do you want to work on them again?"

"Could I come back tomorrow? I got no work on Sundays and training season is over for now." That was only partially true - I did have Sunday shifts every two weeks, but I was ready to trade them in for time with my friend. 

Quil nudged Embry's arm and they exchanged grins. Jake smiled in delight. "That would be great!"

Quil grinned widely at Embry and whispered something I didn't catch. Jake's hand flashed out to smack the back of Quil's head. I guessed it had to do with my 'social status'.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jacob."

As soon as I was out of sight, I heard Quil and Embry chorus, "Wooo!" The sound of a brief scuffle followed, interspersed with an "ouch" and a "hey!"

"If either of you set so much as one toe on my land tomorrow..." I heard Jake threaten. His voice was lost as I walked through the trees. 

I beat Charlie home. When he walked in I was just taking the fried chicken out of the pan and laying it on a pile of paper towels. 

"Hey, Dad." I grinned at him. 

"Hey, son." he said, his voice uncertain. "Did you have fun with Jacob?"

I started moving the food to the table. "Yeah, I did."

"Well, that's good." He was still cautious. "What did you two do=" 

Now it was my turn to be cautious. Something about his behavior reminded me of how Billy had acted around Jake and me earlier. Did they know something I didn't? Did they disapprove of our friendship?

"We hung out in his garage and I watched him work, basically. Did you know he's rebuilding a Volkswagen?"

"Yeah, I think Billy mentioned that."

The interrogation had to stop when Charlie began chewing, but he continued to study my face as he ate. 

After dinner, I did my homework slowly in the front room while Charlie watched a hockey game. I waited as long as I could because I didn't want this day to end. A kind of genuine excitement still lingered on from my afternoon at the Blacks, but finally Charlie mentioned the late hour and put a dimmer on my joy. When I didn't respond, he got up, stretched, and then left, turning off the light behind him. Reluctantly, I followed.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing that came to mind was the fact that I was going to see Jacob again today. The thought made me feel almost... hopeful. Maybe it would be as nice as yesterday. Maybe it would take my mind off the worrying again, my anxiety about the future.

At breakfast, Charlie was being careful. He tried to hide his scrutiny, keeping his eyes on his eggs until he thought I wasn't looking. 

"What are you up to today?" he asked, eyeing a loose thread on the edge of his cuff like he wasn't paying much attention to my answer.

"I'm going over to Jake's again."

He nodded without looking up. "Cool." he said. It didn't sound convincing. 

"Do you mind?" I pretended to worry. "I could stay..."

He glanced up quickly, then. "No, no! You go ahead. Harry was going to come up to watch the game with me anyway."

"Maye Harry could give Billy a ride up." I suggested. The fewer witnesses for our illegal motorbike activities, the better. 

"That's a great idea."

I wasn't sure if the game was just an excuse for kicking me out, but he looked excited enough now. He headed to the phone while I put on my rain jacket. I was overly aware of the College fund money shoved into the inside pocket of my jacket. It was something I had never dared to touch before. 

Outside, the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket. I had to drive more slowly than I wanted to; I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck. But I finally made it through the muddy lanes to 

the Black house. Before I'd killed the engine, the front door opened and Jake came running out. 

He pulled my car door open in excitement, a little too eager for my taste. The old metal had to be treated gently.

"Charlie called - said you were on your way." Jacob explained with a grin. I smiled in return and it felt easy and natural. A strange feeling of warmth bubbled up inside me, despite the icy rain falling on my face. 

"Hey, man."

"Good call on inviting my dad up!" He held up his hand and we high-fived. Harry showed up to get Billy just a moment later. 

Jake took me on a brief tour of his tiny room while we waited to be unsupervised. 

The walls and the floor were lined with wood. He had a few hand-made dreamcatchers hanging over the small bed cramped into one corner of the room. It was covered in knitted blankets that hard dark, warm colors. He had a table under his small window and it was cluttered with all kinds of objects; Leather bands, beads, pieces of wood, a carving knife, paper, pencils. The only source of light in the room came from a lamp on the table. It had an orange lampshade. 

We sat cramped on his tiny bed and looked around the room. It would have been awkward had it not been for the effortless comfortability between us. 

"So where to?" I asked as soon as we heard the front door fall shut. Suddenly all our excitement that we had dimmed down in the presence of the adults, poured out of us. 

Jacob moved on the bed to pull a folded paper out of his pocket and our arms touched in the process. His skin was weirdly warm, as if he'd still had a fever, but he seemed alright. He smoothed out the paper. 

"We'll start at the junkyard first, see if we get lucky. This could get a little expensive." He warned me. "Those bikes will need a lot of help before they'll run again."

I pointed at my jacket next to him on the bed. "We're covered."

As I had hoped, it turned out to be a great day. I enjoyed myself. Even at the junkyard, in the slopping rain and ankle-deep mud. I thought at first it was because of the promise of getting my own, longed-for motorbike, but I didn't think that was enough of an explanation. 

I was beginning to think it was mostly Jacob, that, in comparison to his company, even the bike wasn't that exciting. And it wasn't just that he was always so happy to see me, or that he didn't watch me out of the corner of his eye, carefully observing that I fulfilled all academic and athletic expectations. It was nothing that related to me at all. 

It was Jake himself: He was simply a perpetually happy person, worried about nothing, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. I felt stupid for thinking almost poetically about him, but it explained why I was so eager to see him.

As we sat in my truck, he pointed at the gaping hole in my dashboard. "Did the radio break?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. 

He poked around in the cavity. "Who took it out? There's a lot of damage."

"I did." I admitted. Normally I would've felt embarrassed but not with him. Never around him. 

He laughed. "Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorbikes too much."

"And let you do all the work?"

"Okay, I'll let you hand me some tools every now and then." He teased with a smirk. I laughed.

According to Jake we did get lucky at the junkyard. He was very excited about several grease-blackened pieces of twisted metal that he found; I was just impressed that he could tell what they were supposed to be. 

From there we went to the Checker Auto Parts down in Hoquiam. In my truck, it was more than a two-hour drive south on the winding freeway, but even without a car radio the time passed easily with Jake. He chattered about his friends and his school, and I found myself asking questions, truly curious to hear what he had to say. 

"I'm doing all the talking." he complained after a long story about Quil and the trouble he'd stirred up by asking out a senior's steady girlfriend. "Why don't you let me in on some stories about Forks? It has to be more exciting than La Push, I can imagine."

I thought for a moment, but shrugged. "There's really nothing. Your friends seem to be interesting than mine. I've only really got two, anyway. I got Kennedy, but you guys met. And Owen, though he's, like, not really our man right now, get what I mean?"

Jake just raised his eyebrows in response.

"Well, he cheated on his girlfriend." I admitted, a little sheepishly. Of course it wasn't my fault or anything but I still felt like it could be frowned upon to be his friend. Especially after Jake's friends seemed to be so nice. 

Jake frowned, then looked at me with an open expression. "That's not on you." 

It wasn't some kind of inspirational quote or anything, but it moved something within me. I realized then, in that moment, how often I took on the blame for others, just because it had been expected of me. As if I was a wide receiver not just on the field, but also in life; It's a WR's job to catch the ball that the quarterback passes, no matter how bad he threw it. 'Seems to add up', I thought to myself. 

"Anyway, I like your friends." I tried to steer the focus of the conversation back on Jake's life. "Quil's funny."

Jacob frowned. "I think Quil likes you, too."

I laughed. "He's a little young for me." I said jokingly.

Jake's frown deepened. "He's not that much younger than you. It's just a year."

I had the strange feeling that we weren't talking about Quil anymore. And that it wasn't of platonic nature, either. 

Still, I kept my tone light. "Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between seventeen and eighteen year-olds, don't you have to count that percentage in dog years? What does that make me, about twelve years older?"

He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Okay, but if you're going to get picky like that, you have to average in street smarts, too. You don't know how to repair a motorbike, so I'll have to knock ten years off your total."

We bantered like that till Hoquiam, still arguing over the correct formula to determine age - I lost two more years because of head injuries from my football career, but gained one back for being in charge of the bookkeeping at my house - until we were in Checker, and Jake had to concentrate again. We found everything left on his list, and he felt confident that we could make a lot of progress with our haul.

By the time we got back to La Push, Billy was still at my house, so we didn't have to be sneaky about unloading our day's spoils. As soon as we had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Jake's toolbox, he went right to work, still talking and laughing while his fingers combed expertly through the metal pieces in front of him. 

Jacob's skill with his hands was fascinating. They looked too big for the delicate tasks they performed with ease and precision. While he worked, he seemed almost graceful. Unlike when he was on his feet; there, his height and big feet made him nearly as sturdy as I was. I looked at my own hands that were about the same size of his, and noticed how I instinctively held them, even in a relaxed state, as if ready to catch a football any second. I couldn't imagine ever operating something as delicate as a tiny screw. 

Quil and Embry did not show up, so maybe Jake's threat yesterday had been taken seriously. The day passed too quickly. It got dark outside the garage before I was expecting it, and then we heard Billy calling for us. 

I jumped up to help Jake put things away, wildly grabbing whatever was in reach without having an idea where I should put them. 

"Just leave it," Jake said, "I'll work on it later tonight."

"Boys?"

Both our heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house. 

"Shit." I muttered. "Yeah, comin'!" I yelled in his direction. 

"Let's go." Jake smiled, clearly enjoying this hide-and-seek. He snapped the light off, and for a moment I was blind. He grabbed my wrist and towed me out of the garage and through the trees, his feet finding the familiar path easily. His hand was rough, and very warm. 

Despite the bath, we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness. Outside the shed he hadn't let go off my hand but we still managed to bump into each other constantly on our way to the house, with Jake's braided ponytail accidentally whipping me once or twice. So we were both laughing when the house came into view. 

Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's hand on my wrist. Jake noticed and let go off me instantly. Suddenly we realized what it must have looked like. 

"Billy invited us for dinner." Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone. 

"My super secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations." Billy said gravely. 

Jacob snorted but stayed quiet. 

The house was crowded. Harry Clearwater was there, too, with his family - his wife, Sue, whom I knew vaguely from now distant summers, and his two children. Leah was a senior like me, but a year older. 

She was beautiful in an exotic way, and preoccupied. She was on Billy's phone when we got in, and she never let it go. Seth was fourteen; he hung on Jake's every word with idolizing eyes. 

There were too many of us for the kitchen table, so Charlie and Harry brought chairs out to the yard, and we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from Billy's open door. The men talked about the game, and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy. Jake talked mostly to me and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever Jake seemed in danger of forgetting him. Charlie watched me, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased but cautious eyes. 

It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn't have to speak often, but I smiled a lot, and listened to all I could catch. 

I didn't want to leave. 

This was Washington, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the party; Billy's living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get-together. Harry had driven Charlie down, so we rode together in my truck on the way back home. He asked about my day, and I told mostly the truth - that I'd gone with Jacob to look at parts and then joined him in working in his garage. 

"You think you'll visit again anytime soon?" he wondered, trying to be casual about it. 

"Tomorrow, after school." I admitted. "I'll take homework, don't worry."

"You be sure to do that." he ordered, trying to disguise his satisfaction. 

I was suspicious when we got to the house. I didn't want to go upstairs - I felt like confronting Charlie about his weird behavior. The carefree feeling of Jake's presence was fading and, in its absence, confused anger grew stronger. 

By now I was under the impression - or had the suspicion, at least - that my father actually disapproved of my other friends. Sure, Owen had almost driven into his cop car once when moving out of a parking lot. But what about Kennedy? He was not very different from me, except maybe that he 'whored around Forks', as Jessica had put it. 

So I wanted to approach Charlie and ask him outright but he went straight for his bedroom as soon as he unlocked our front door. I followed him up the stairs and stood in front of his door for a moment, uncertain whether I should knock or wait until the morning. I could hear the tab in his adjoined bathroom splutter alive and decided for the latter. 

To put bedtime off, I checked my e-mail. There was a new message from my mother. She wrote about her day, a new book club that filled the time slot of the mediation classes she'd just quit, her week subbing in the second grade, missing her kindergarteners. She wrote that Tom was enjoying his new coaching job, and that they were planning a second honeymoon trip to Disney World. And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry, rather than a letter so someone else. I felt remorse wash through me, leaving an uncomfortable feeling behind. Some son I was. 

I wrote back to her quickly, commenting on each part of her letter, volunteering information of my own - describing the spaghetti party at Billy's and how I felt watching Jake build useful things out of small pieces of metal - awed and slightly envious. I could barely remember what I'd written to her the last time I did write, but I was sure it wasn't very responsive. The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt; I really must have worried her. 

I stayed up extra late after that, finishing more homework than strictly necessary. Her letter gave me a  sudden boost of motivation to prove to her that she had nothing to worry about; I wanted to do everything I possibly could to drive my grades up and get that scholarship. The fact that I had been lagging in doing something for school for the past two days, just motivated me more. 

But neither sleep deprivation nor the time spent with Jacob could keep the nightmare away that I had that night. 

I woke shuddering, already forgetting what had happened in the dream. As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window, I lay still in bed and tried to shake off the discomfort that the nightmare had left me with. 

In the dream I had been somewhere in the woods. Sam Uley - a man I only knew by name and had only seen once, at Billy's house - was there. It was odd, unexpected. The man's dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly, unlike the time when we had fleetingly met in reality. In the dream his eyes were filled with some secret he seemingly tried to hide. I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed; it made me uncomfortable, under all the panic of being lost in the woods, to have him there. Maybe that was because, when I didn't look directly at him, his shaped seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision. Yet he did nothing but stand and watch. 

No one looked up when I sat down next to Kennedy at lunch; Everyone was so caught up in their own conversations, they hadn't even noticed me joining them. I listened to the chaos of voices for a moment, trying to catch up on what was going on, but the talks were so disjointed that I gave up. 

Jessica ignored me when I moved a seat closer to her. 

"Hey, Jess." I said with put-on nonchalance. "How was your weekend? They told me what happened."

She looked at me with suspicious eyes. Could she still be angry at all of us? Or was she just too far down the road of establishing hate for those that didn't deserve it?

"Super." she said, turning back to her friend. 

"That's good." I said. 

"Where's Ben today?" Jessica's friend asked Angela, another cheerleader. Ben was our kicker. 

"He's got the stomach flu." Angela answered in a quiet, calm voice. "Hopefully it's just some twenty-four-hour thing. He was really sick last night."

"What did you two do this weekend?" Jessica asked, not sounding as if she cared about the answer. I'd bet that this was just an opener so she could tell her own stories. I wondered if she would talk about Owen with me sitting only two seats away. 

"We were going to have a picnic Saturday, actually, but... we changed our minds." Angela said. There was an edge to her voice that caught my interest. 

Jess, not so much. "That's too bad." she said, about to launch into her own story. But I wasn't the only one who was paying attention. 

"What happened?" Kennedy asked opposite from me. 

"Well," Angela said, seemingly more hesitant than usual, "we drove up north, almost to the hot springs - there's a good spot just about a mile up the trail. But, when we were halfway there... we saw something."

"Saw something? What?" Kennedy's strong eyebrows pulled together. Even Jess seemed to be listening 

now. 

"I don't know." Angela said. "We think it was a bear. It was black, anyway, but it seemed...too big."

Kennedy snorted. "Oh, not you, too!" He rolled his eyes and made a throwaway hand gesture. "Tyler tried to sell me that one last week."

"You're not going to see any bears that close to the resort." Jessica said, siding with Kennedy. 

"Really." Angela protested in a low voice, looking down at the table. "We did see it."

Kennedy smiled condescendingly. Owen was talking to Conner, not paying attention to the girls. 

"No, she's right." I threw in impatiently. "We had a hiker in just Saturday who saw the bear, too. He said it was huge and black and just outside of town."

There was a moment of silence. Every pair of eyes around me turned to look at me. The new girl, Katie, had her mouth hanging open like she'd just seen a ghost. 

Jessica watched all of us with a slightly amused expression, then shrugged and changed the subject. "Did you hear back from USC?" she asked a girl next to her. 

Everyone else looked away, too, except for Angela. She smiled at me tentatively, and I hurried to return the smile. 

"So, what did you do this weekend, Jodie?" Kennedy asked in a friendly tone, genuinely curious. 

"I was down at La Push for both days." I said. Owen's eyes flickered to Kennedy and me.

"And what'd you guys do?" Kennedy asked, starting to smile. 

"Just worked on his car a bit. Nothing big."

"I heard it's pretty nice down there, I've never been actually. Is the beach as dangerous as they say?" Kennedy was eager to continue the conversation. He didn't stop asking me questions till lunch was over. God bless him for always trying to be the best friend possible. Angela talked mostly to him and me, and, when, I got up to throw my trash away, she followed. 

"Thanks." she said in a low voice when we were away from the table. 

"For what?" 

"Sticking up for me."

"No problem."

She looked at me with concern, but I could tell it wasn't directed towards me. The sight of whatever animal it was she had believed to see, had obviously rattled her. 


	5. Cliffs

Jacob was waiting for me. I saw him approaching my truck as I pulled into the short dirt road that he lived on. 

“Hey, man.” he called. 

I grinned. “Yo, what’s up?” I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window. 

“Let’s get to work.” Jake said in a low but eager voice. He led the way around the house to his garage. 

When I walked into the garage, I was surprised to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of jagged metal. 

“Dude, that’s amazing!” I couldn’t believe it. 

Jake laughed. “I get obsessive when I have a project, you know me.” He shrugged. “If I had any brains I’d drag it out a little bit.”

“Why?”

He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn’t heard my question. Finally, he asked me, “Jordan, if I told you that I couldn’t fix these bikes, what would you say?”

I didn’t answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression. 

“I would say… that’s too bad, but I’ll bet we could figure something out.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Something dawned on me. “Well, I’m sure we could find something else to do, too. If we got really desperate, we could even do homework.”

Jake smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. “So you think you’ll still come over when I’m done, then?”

I laughed. “Sure, bro, why wouldn’t I? I like spending time with you.” 

That caught him off guard. His face faltered for a second, then the all too familiar smile stretched out. 

“You really do, huh? Prove it.”

“How?” I asked, amused. 

“Do something non-motorbike related with me.”

“Like what?”

Jake thought for a moment. “We could go to your place, I could bring my schoolwork? I’m kinda getting behind.”

I knew he wanted to spend time with me because we sort of grew apart over the last year, especially around summer. I was really busy with school and football and work, and we lived a twenty-minute drive apart. We didn’t even go to the same school; The reservation had its own. I missed him a great deal in the time we didn’t see each other so now I was more than happy to be catching up and spending as much time with him as possible. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but out of all my friends, I liked Jake best.

“Homework might be a good idea.” I said, thinking of my scholarship. “I guess we’ll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren’t going to be so easy-going about this.” I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that – he beamed. 

“Homework once a week?” he proposed. 

“Maybe we’d better go with twice.” I suggested, remembering the pile I’d just been assigned today. Thank God it wasn’t training season. 

Jake sighed, then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out two cans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me. He opened the second, and held it up ceremoniously. 

“Here’s to responsibility,” he toasted, “twice a week!”

I grinned and touched my can to his. 

I got home later than I’d planned and found Charlie had ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn’t let me apologize. 

“I don’t mind.” he assured me. “I’m just glad you two seem to be having such a good time.”

Upstairs I checked my email before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from my mother. She gushed over every detail I’d provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day. Everything but motorcycles. I couldn’t risk her mentioning it to Charlie on the phone. 

School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Kennedy and Owen were happy to see me and eagerly asked about my weekend. Angela said hello with a shy smile. Jessica was still resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology from me for still being friends with Owen. 

Mike, the Newton’s manager, was animated and chatty at work. It was like he’d stored up the month’s worth of talk, and it was all spilling out now. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time. 

Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter. 

“I had fun tonight.” Mike said happily. 

“Yeah.” I agreed, though I’d much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage. 

“We should hang out sometime.” he said frankly. I got nervous. 

I didn’t want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was providing my only source of cash income. But I was an eighteen-year-old high-schooler, and he was a grown man. We didn’t have anything in common, and hanging out would just feel awkward and forced. 

“I want you to meet my daughter.” he explained hurriedly, and at first I was relieved, but then I realized what he had said. 

“Like, take her on a date?” I asked. I sounded hesitant. 

He processed the tone of my voice. “If you want. But it doesn’t have to be like that.”

This got real weird real fast. “I don’t date.” I said slowly, realizing how true that was. The whole world of women seemed distant to me; I didn’t care about them. 

“Just as friends?” he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he would leave it alone if I just agreed. 

“That would be cool. But I have plans for this week, so maybe next Friday or so?”

“What are you doing?” he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound. 

“Homework. I have a… study session planned with a mate.” I was uncomfortable. Quickly I added, “And I can’t leave him hanging again.”

“Oh. Okay. Then next week, maybe, yeah.”

He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Did his daughter know he tried to set us up? 

The next night, Charlie didn’t seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jake and me sprawled across the living room floor with our books scattered around us, so I guess that he and Billy were talking behind our backs after all. 

“Hey, boys!” he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna that I bought earlier wafted down the hall. 

Jacob stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Billy. I was unusually sad to see him go, but I attributed it to the fun we had despite the schoolwork. 

Friday was the garage, and Saturday was homework again. Charlie spent the day fishing with Harry so we had the house to ourselves. Once we were done with the obligatory studying, we ended up watching  _ Monster Garage _ on the Discovery Channel.

“I probably ought to go.” Jake sighed. “It’s later than I thought.”

“Okay, fine.” I grumbled. “I’ll drive you home.”

He laughed at my unwilling expression – it seemed to please him. 

“Tomorrow, back to work.” I said as soon as we sat in the truck. “What time do you want me to come up?”

There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. “I’ll call you first, okay?”

“Sure.” I agreed, wondering what he had to hide. His smile widened. 

* * *

I sat on my bed the next morning and idly flipped through my photo album, waiting for my friend to call. 

For the first time since they were taken, I actually  _ looked _ at the polaroids, studying them carefully. There were scenes of our football team in the cafeteria at lunch, their faces mid-laughter, their bodies mid-movement. One photo had captured a moment between Eric, one of our linebackers, and his girlfriend Olivia making out. It looked pretty gross but I knew they loved each other and I thought it was a nice candid of that. Another picture showed Kennedy shot in profile, with his big nose and dimpled grin. I kind of missed him. 

When I reached the last of the occupied pages, I looked down at the two I’d taken of Billy and it reminded me, like an electric shock, that I had yet to give the picture of him and me to Jake. I leaned over to my nightstand and took it out of the drawer, where I had put it for safekeeping. I shoved it into my jeans pocket.

Charlie was outside washing his car, so when the phone rang, I jumped up and rushed downstairs to answer it. 

“Hello?” I asked a little too loud. 

“Jordan.” Jake said, a strange, formal tone to his voice. 

“Hey, buddy.”

“I believe that… we have a  _ date _ .” He said, his tone thick with implications. 

It took me a second before I got. “They’re done?” I yelled in excitement, before ducking from the volume of my own voice. 

“Yeah, they run and everything.”

“Dude, you’re the best!” I exclaimed. Jake chuckled on the other end and hung up. 

I grabbed my varsity jacket and car keys. 

“Headed to see Jake.” Charlie said when I ran past him. It wasn’t really a question. 

“Yeah.” I replied as I jumped in the truck. 

“I’ll be at the station later.” Charlie called after me. 

“Okay, Dad.” I yelled back, turning the key. 

Charlie said something else, but I couldn’t hear him clearly over the roar of the engine. It sounded sort of like, “Where’s the fire?”

I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks’ house, close to the trees, to make it easier for us to smuggle the bikes past Billy. When I got out, a dash of color caught my eye – two shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Jake was prepared. 

“Ready?” he asked in a whisper as he approached me. 

I glanced over his shoulder, and there was no sign of Billy. 

“Yeah.” I said, hyped up at the thought of myself actually riding the bike. 

Jake loaded the machines into the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn’t show. 

“Let’s go.” he said, his voice higher than usual with boyish excitement. “I know the perfect spot – no one will catch us there.”

We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest – sometimes there was nothing but trees, and there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here, and the view seemed to stretch on forever. 

I was driving slowly, so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs. Jake was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were getting so technical that I couldn’t pay closer attention. 

That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice. I couldn’t tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were in our age range. Despite the cold air today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts. 

As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitating over the brake pedal. 

And then he threw himself off the edge. 

“Fuck!” I shouted, stomping down on the brake. 

“What’s wrong?” Jake shouted back, alarmed. 

“That guy just fucking jumped off the  _ cliff _ , man? Didn’t you see that? They didn’t stop him!” I kicked my door open and started to get out, which made no sense at all. I couldn’t help him now anyway. But I pulled my phone out of my pocket, ready to call an ambulance. 

Jake laughed and it stopped me dead in my tracks. I spun around to stare at him as if he was crazy. How could he laugh at suicide?

“Chill out, dude, they’re just cliff diving. La Push doesn’t have a mall, you know? It gets boring around here.” He was teasing, but there was a strange note of irritation in his voice. 

“Cliff diving?” I repeated, outraged. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then very gracefully leaped into the water. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cutting into the dark gray waves below. 

“God, that’s  _ high _ , man.” I slid back into my seat, still staring at the two remaining divers. “It must be a hundred feet.”

“Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that comes out of the cliff about halfway.” He pointed out my window. The place he indicated seemed much more reasonable. “ _ Those _ guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it’s freezing today. That water can’t feel good.” 

He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would have thought Jake was nearly impossible to upset. 

“You jump, too?” I hadn’t missed the “us”.   
  
“Sure, sure.” He shrugged and grinned. “It’s fun. A little scary, kind of a rush.”

I looked back at the cliff, where the third figure was pacing the edge. I’d never witnessed anything so reckless in all my life. 

“Jake, you have to take me cliff diving, man.”

He frowned back at me, looking unsure. “Dude, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam.” he pointed out. I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance. I remembered Sam Uley from my nightmare a few days ago and made a face. 

“Yeah, but it looks fun!” I insisted, opening my car door again. 

Jake backhanded my chest. “Can we wait for a warmer day, though?”

“Yeah, sure, you’re right. Good call.” I agreed. 

I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself father into the air than the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through the empty space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely free – unthinking and utterly irresponsible. 

“So are we going to try out the bikes or not?” Jake snapped me back into the moment. 

“Yeah, for sure, dude, sorry.” I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We drove down the road. 

“So who were those guys?” I asked. 

Jake made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “The La Push gang.”

“You have a gang?” I found that hard to believe.

He laughed once at my question. “Not like that. They don’t start fights, they keep the peace.” He snorted. “There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Word got ‘round that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his  _ disciples _ ran him off our land. They’re all about  _ our land _ and  _ tribe pride _ … it’s getting ridiculous. But the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam.” He shook his head, face full of resentment. “Embry also heard from Leah – Clearwater, you met her at our place? – that they call themselves ‘protectors’ or something like that.”

Jacob’s hands were clenched into fists, as if he’d like to hit something. I’d never seen this side of him. 

I was surprised to hear Sam’s name. I didn’t want to think about the nightmare, though, so I made a quick observation to distract from him. “You don’t like them very much, huh?”

“Does it show?” he asked sarcastically. 

“Well, to me it doesn’t sound like they’re doing something bad.” I tried to soothe him, make him cheerful again. “Just sort of annoyingly self-absorbed, like any other gang.”

“Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They’re always showing off, like – like the cliff thing. They act like… like, I don’t know. Like tough guys. I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, and Sam came by with his followers, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, he’s got a big mouth, and it pissed Paul off. I don’t even remember what he said. But Paul kind of, like, showed his teeth and he looked like he was  _ shaking _ , he was so mad. But Sam put his hand against Paul’s chest and shook his head, like some king. It was like he was holding back, you know? As if Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn’t stop him.” He groaned. “Like a bad movie. You know, Sam’s a pretty big guy, he’s twenty-one. But Paul’s just sixteen, and shorter than us. I think one of us could take him.”

I frowned. “Isn’t Sam a little too old for this kind of thing?”

“Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him shit for it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sam Uley can do no wrong.” His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage – and something else I didn’t recognize at first. 

“It all sounds really annoying and kinda strange, to be honest. But I don’t get why you’re taking it so personally.”

“You just missed the turn.” he said in a calmer manner. 

I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road. 

“You can stop anywhere along here.” Jake said, pointing out the windshield. 

I pulled over and cut the engine. We both got out, and Jake headed around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression. Something else was bothering him. I’d accidentally hit a nerve. 

He smiled half-heartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. “Happy late birthday. Are you ready?”

“Oh, I am!” I reassured. The bike suddenly looked a bit intimidating, but the thought of riding it was exhilarating. But then I saw his face and I could tell he wasn’t really in it. 

“Jake.” I said, hopefully gently. “What’s going on, man? Something’s up with you, I can tell.”

He grimaced, but he didn’t seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire of his bike several times. He sighed. “It’s just the way they treat me. You know? It creeps me out.” The words started to rush out now. “You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I’ve never figured out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion seems so important. It’s got something to do with his father and his father’s father, I know that much. My great-granddad, Ephraim Black, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Dad, maybe because of that. So they treat me different, too. But I’m just like everyone else, you know?”

That caught me off guard. “Sam treats you special?” I had been under the impression that they didn’t like him and that it would be the reason for Jake to dislike them. 

“Yeah.” He looked at me with a worried expression. “He looks at me like he’s waiting for something… Like I’m going to join his stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it.”

“You don’t have to join jackshit!” My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Jake, and that infuriated me. Who did these “protectors” think they were?

He frowned, looking sad rather than angry. “I think Embry might have joined them.” he admitted sheepishly. “He’s been avoiding me lately.”

The thoughts didn’t seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friends. After all he had probably neglected them the way I had my own friends. “You’ve been hanging out with me a lot.” I reminded him. 

“No, that’s not it. It’s not just me – it’s Quil, too, and everyone else. Embry missed a week of school, but he was never home when we tried to see him. And when he came back, he looked… He looked freaked out, Jordan. Fucking terrified. Quil and I both tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t tell us what’s wrong.”

I stared at Jake – he was really scared. But he didn’t look at me. He watched his own foot kicking the rubber of the bike tire as if it belonged to someone else. I didn’t know what to say.

“Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry’s hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today.” His voice was low and tense. 

He finally looked at me. “Jordan, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn’t want anything to do with them. And now he’s following Sam around like he’s joined a cult. And that’s exactly how it went with Paul, too. At first, he wasn’t friends with Sam at all. Then he stopped coming to school for a few weeks, and when he came back, Sam suddenly owned him. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with them but I feel like I have to because Embry’s my friend and Sam is looking at me like  _ that _ …” he trailed off. 

“Have you talked to Billy about this?” I asked. His horror was spreading to me. The hairs of my neck stood up. 

Now there was anger on his face. “Yes.” he snorted. “That was helpful.”

“What did he say?”

Jacob’s expression was dark, and he threw the long hair over his shoulder, the way his father always wore it. His voice mocked the deep tones of Billy’s voice. “It’s nothing you need to worry about now, Jacob. I’ll explain later.” He pulled his hair back over his chest and then his voice was his own again. “What am I supposed to get from that? Like, what, is it some stupid coming-of-age thing? I bet you it’s not, though. There’s gotta be something wrong.”

He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.

Frankly, I was a bit overwhelmed with the situation so I comforted him the best I could; I threw my arm around his shoulder, gripping his shoulder tight. He was frozen for a second, then he rested his head against my chest. 

“Don’t worry, man, we’re gonna figure it out.” I promised. “If it gets worse we can talk to Charlie, alright? We’ll think of something.”

We stood like that for a moment, leaned against my car, and it wasn’t weird to me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. I hadn’t hugged someone in a long time, and this didn’t feel anything like the last time I did. Jacob was very warm. And that warmth crept into my heart, somehow. 

It was unusual for me, being this close – physically rather than emotionally, though the emotional was strange for me, too – to another guy. Charlie was the exception, he was pretty emotional, but my friends weren’t the most affectionate. 

Jacob was different, though. Thinking about it I realized he had been pretty hands-on recently; An arm around my shoulder, a pat on the back, our knees touching in my truck. Maybe I just got used to his touch without noticing. 

The moment after wasn’t awkward; He sniffled and straightened up, his head grazing my chin in the process. His hair felt as if the black of it had soaked up hours of sunshine, even though the sky was grey. 

“So are we going to ride or what?” he asked, finding back to his old, cheery self. 

“Let’s go.” I agreed enthusiastically. 


	6. Stitches

“Okay, where’s your clutch?”

I pointed to the lever on my left handlebar. Letting go of the grip was a mistake. The heavy bike wobbled underneath me, threatening to knock me sideways. I grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight. 

“Easy, man. Where’s your brake?”

“Behind my right foot.”

“Wrong.” He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over the throttle. 

“But you said-“

“This is the one you want. Don’t use the back brake now, that’s for later, when you know what you’re doing.” 

“Bro, I’m not a kid, just let me-“

“Forget the back brake, alright? Here.” He wrapped his hand around mine and made me squeeze the level down. “ _ That _ is how you brake. Don’t forget.” 

“Fine.”

He let go off me. “Throttle?”

I twisted the right grip.

“Gear shift?”

I nudged it with my left calf. 

“Alright, I think you’ve got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving.”

“Nice.” I was nervous but the adrenaline coursed through my veins. I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on each side. The road was sandy and damp. Better than mud. 

“Hold down the clutch.” Jacob instructed. I did as told. 

“Now listen, Jodie, this is crucial.” Jake stressed. “Don’t let go of that, okay? Pretend it’s a live grenade. The pin is out and you’re holding down the spoon.”

I squeezed tighter. 

“Okay. Think you can kick-start it?”

“If I move my foot, I’ll fall over, I’m sure.” I told him skeptically. 

“Okay, I’ll do it. Don’t let go of the clutch.”

He took a step back, and then suddenly slammed his foot down on the pedal. There was a short ripping noise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. It didn’t work, so he put his hand on the back of the seat and tried four more times. Finally, the ignition caught. I could feel the bike rumbling beneath me like an angry animal. 

“Try out the throttle.” Jake suggested. “Very little. And don’t let-“

“Don’t let go of the clutch, yeah, yeah, I got it, mate.” I cut him short. “I play wide receiver, I know how to hold onto something.” I twisted the right handle and the bike snarled at me. The sound let Jake smile in deep satisfaction. 

“Well, go ahead and put it into first gear.”

I kicked the gear shift down one notch. 

“Alright, good.” he praised me. “Now, _very_ _gently_ , ease up on the clutch.” He took a step away from the bike. 

I loosened my grip and the machine sprinted off underneath me, faster than I had anticipated. I was yanked forward and, instinctively, I gripped the clutch with all the force my hand could muster, causing the bike to buck under me. The sudden stop sent us kind of somersaulting and I ended up on the ground, the motorcycle collapsing half on top of me. The growling engine choked to a halt.

“Jordan?” Jake yelled and came running. He jerked the heavy bike off me with ease. “Are you hurt?”

I couldn’t answer right away. 

“Jordan!” He shook my shoulder. 

“I’m fine.” I said eventually. 

He pulled me to my feet. “Did you hurt your head?”

“I don’t think so.” I shook it back and forth, checking. 

“Your  _ wide receiver _ talent did this.” He chuckled a bit. “You weren’t gentle enough with the clutch.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, dude. Let’s try again.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, man, come on.”

This time I tried to get the kick-start myself. It was complicated and Jake’s hands hovered over the handlebars, ready to catch me if needed. It took several good tries before the engine caught and roared to life under me. Holding on to the grenade, I revved the throttle experimentally. It snarled at the lightest touch. We smiled at each other. 

I relaxed my hand by tiny degrees. Suddenly, the gear caught and wrenched me forward. I felt like I was flying.    
There was wind that wasn’t there before, tightening the skin of my face and blowing my hair out of my face. The adrenaline spread from where it sat in my stomach, throughout my whole body. Trees raced past me, blurring into a wall of green.

But this was only first gear. My foot inched toward the gearshift as I twisted for more gas. 

It took me a second to realize the road was starting a slow curve to the left, and I was still going straight. Jake hadn’t told me how to turn. I remembered the brakes and instinctively slammed down my right foot, like I would in my truck. 

The bike was suddenly unstable underneath me, shivering first to one side and then the other. It was dragging me toward the bushes, and I was going too fast. I tried to turn the handlebar the other direction, and the sudden shift of my weight pushed the bike toward the ground, still spinning toward the trees. 

The motorcycle landed on top of me again, roaring loudly, pulling me across the wet sand until it hit something stationary. I couldn’t see. My face was mashed into the grass. I tried to lift my head, but there was something in the way. 

“Jordan!” Jacob yelled, and I heard the roar of the other bike cut off. 

The motorcycle no longer pinned me to the ground, and I rolled over to breathe. Everything around me went silent. 

“Wow.” I managed to say. I was thrilled. I didn’t register right away that I could have seriously injured myself. 

“Oh, dude!” My friend was crouching over me, his face scrunched up in worry. “Are you alright, man?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” I laughed apologetically. I flexed my arms and legs; Everything seemed to be working correctly. 

Jake leaned in closer and squinted his eyes at my forehead. “Okay, no, you ain’t alright, buddy, there’s a huge cut on your forehead.”

As if on cue, blood started running down into my eye. I blinked it shut. “Ah, shit.” I muttered and pressed my hand to the wound; It felt hot and sticky. I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head. 

Jake wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to my feet. “Let’s go. I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He held out his hand for the keys. 

Handing them over, I asked, “What about the bikes?”

He thought for a second. “Wait here. And take this.” He pulled off his T-Shirt, already spotted with blood, and threw it to me. I wadded it up and held it tightly to my forehead. 

Jake jumped on the black motorcycle, kicked it to a start in one try, and raced back down the road, spraying sand and pebbles behind him. He looked professional as he leaned over the handlebars. My eyes narrowed enviously. I was sure I hadn’t looked like that on my bike. 

I was surprised at how far I’d gone. I could barely see him in the distance when he finally got to the truck. He threw the bike into the bed and sprinted to the driver’s side. 

I really didn’t feel bad at all as he coaxed my truck to a deafening roar in his hurry to get back. My head stung a little, and my stomach was uneasy, but the cut wasn’t serious. Head wounds just bled more than most. His urgency wasn’t necessary.

Jake left the truck running as he raced back to me. “Okay, let’s get you in the truck, man.”

“I’m fine, Jake, relax.” I assured him as he hovered behind me, arms stretched out as if I was about to fall any second. “Don’t get worked up, dude, it’s just a little blood.”

“Just a  _ lot _ of blood.” I heard him mutter as he went back for my bike. 

When he climbed into the driver’s seat, he took an unsure look at my forehead. “I think you need stitches, Jordan.”

I got slightly annoyed at his overbearing behavior. “Let’s just take the bikes back, and then we’ll make a stop at my house so I can clean myself up, okay?” The impatience in my voice couldn’t be missed. 

Jake still looked uncertain. “What about Charlie?”

“He said he had to work today.”

My tone was final. Jake nodded and started the car.

At home, I went to look at myself in the mirror first thing; It was pretty gruesome. Blood was drying in thick streaks across my cheek and neck, pooling at the collar of my shirt. 

I washed up as well as I could. Then I hid my dirty, bloody clothes in the bottom of my laundry basket, putting on new jeans and a buttoned shirt that I didn’t have to pull over my head. Still pressing Jake’s shirt against my wound, I managed to get dressed one-handed. I gave Jake one of my shirts to put on. Despite us being of similar height, we didn’t have the same back width, so it looked a little big on him. 

“How do I look?” I asked him. 

“Better.” he admitted. 

“But do I look like I tripped playing football and hit my head on something?”

“Sure, I guess so.”

“Alright, let’s go then.”

Jacob insisted on driving. We were halfway to the hospital when he started to breathe heavily. 

“Are you alright, man?” 

He smiled. “Yeah, I’m just warm, is all.” He had one arm over the back of my seat and I could see a large circular sweat stain under his armpit. He lifted the hem of the shirt and moved the fabric rapidly, as if to cool himself. I turned off the car heating but I didn’t understand – it was freezing outside. 

I had to have seven stitches to close the cut on my forehead. Having played football all my life, I was used to these trips to the ER. After the sting of the local anesthetic, there was no pain in the procedure. I wouldn’t have minded if there had been, honestly, that’s how many wounds had to get fixed already.

We were at the hospital forever. By the time I was done, I had to drop Jake off at his home and hurry back home to have dinner with Charlie. He seemed to buy my story about hitting my head while playing. 

* * *

The next Wednesday, before I could get home from a checkup at the ER, Dr. Gerandy called to warn my father that I might possibly have a concussion and advised him to wake me up every two hours through the night to make sure it wasn’t serious. Charlie sighed – we had to go through this routine several times before. 

Neither of us were looking forward to it, of course, but Charlie was easily worried and thus very keen to follow the doctor’s orders. It was two in the morning when he woke me up for the second time.    
  
“Jodie.” he whispered; I heard him clearly, I was already awake when he sat down on my bed. “Hey, man. Are you okay?” He put a hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature.    
  
“Yes, Dad, I’m fine.” I grumbled. “I don’t have a fever.”   
  
Charlie pulled his hand away quickly. “Oh, right, sorry.” He gave a sad smile, or, what looked like one. It was hard to make out in the darkness.    
“I’m just worried about you, is all.” he said. He sounded defeated and apologetic. I hated that – I didn’t want to cause him any sadness.    
  
“Honestly, I’m fine.” I smiled up at him, trying to look reassuring. “You don’t have to worry. Go to sleep.”   
  
Charlie nodded and put his hand on my cheek, kissed my forehead, and left. I groaned internally. I had no problem with my father being affectionate towards me, I just wished it didn’t have to happen every two hours throughout the night.    
  


* * *

  
“Maybe we should cool it with the bikes for now.” Jacob said when I picked him up after school on Friday. “At least for a week or so. You could stay out of the hospital for a week, right?”   
  
“What are we gonna do instead, then?”   
  
He smiled cheerfully. “Whatever you want.”   
  
I thought about that for a minute. “Well, I found this place in the forest once – I came across it when I was hiking with Owen and Kennedy. It was, like, a meadow? I don’t know if I could track it down again on my own, I mean, I’m sure it’d take a couple tries, but it was really cool there and I’ve been meaning to find it again sometime.”   
  
“Oh, yes! I love hiking, man!” Jacob was excited. “We could use a compass and a grid pattern to find the place.” he said with confident helpfulness. “Do you know where you started from?”   
  
“Yes, just below the trailhead where the one-ten ends. I was going mostly south, I think.”    
  
“Cool! We’ll find it.” He clapped his hands once, as if to seal a deal.    
  
So, Saturday afternoon, I put on my hiking boots, grabbed Charlie’s topographical map of the Olympic Peninsula, and drove to La Push.    
  
We didn’t get started immediately; first, Jacob sprawled across the living room floor – taking up the whole room – and, drew a complicated web across the key section of the map while I sat on a kitchen chair and talked to Billy. Unlike my father earlier when I told him about the trip, Billy didn’t seem at all concerned about us. I was surprised Jacob told him where we were going, given the fuss people were making about the bear sightings.    
  
“Maybe we’ll see that mutated Bigfoot.” Jacob joked, eyes on his design. I glanced at Billy swiftly, fearing a Charlie-style reaction. But he just laughed at his son. “Have fun.” he said, and he genuinely meant it.    
  
I drove to the very end of the dirt road, stopping near the sign that marked the beginning of the trailhead. It had been a long time since I’d been here, and it triggered some good memories. I got out and looked at the dense wall of green that was the forest.    
  
“We went this way.” I said, pointing straight ahead.    
  
Jake nodded, and then pulled out our map. “Give me a second.” He held the compass in a skilled way, twisting the map around till it angled the way he wanted. “Okay, first line on the grid. Let’s do it.”   
  
At first we kept the same pace, but as time went on, I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up. I had quite the stamina due to football but he just seemed inexhaustible; He whistled cheerfully, an unfamiliar tune, swinging his arms and moving easily through the rough undergrowth. The shadows didn’t seem as dark as usual and I knew it just seemed like it because of my perception of Jake. He glowed like the sun, he was in his element. Something about Jacob Black wandering a forest just made complete sense to me.    
  
He checked the compass every few minutes, keeping us in a straight line with one of the radiating spokes of his grid. He really looked like he knew what he was doing. I wasn’t completely helpless myself, with Charlie having taught me some survival methods, but I wasn’t skilled enough in these things to hike completely unknown paths by my lonesome.    
  
My mind wandered along as I walked, and I grew curious. I hadn’t forgotten the conversation we’d had by the sea cliffs – I’d been waiting for him to bring it up again, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon.    
  
“Hey, Jake?” I asked.    
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“How are things with, you know, Embry and all? Is he back to normal yet?”   
  
Jake was silent for a minute, still moving forward with long paces. When he was about ten feet ahead, he stopped to wait for me.    
  
“No. He’s not.” he said when I reached him, his mouth distorting as if he had tasted something bitter. He didn’t start walking again. I immediately regretted bringing it up.    
  
“Still with Sam.” I stated.    
  
“Yes.”   
  
He put his arm around my shoulder, and he looked so troubled that I didn’t playfully shake it off, as I might have otherwise.    
  
“Are they still looking at you weird?”    
  
Jake stared through the trees. “Sometimes.”   
  
“And Billy?”   
  
“As helpful as ever.” he said in a sour, angry voice that disturbed me.    
  
“Our door is always open.” I offered.    
  
He laughed, breaking out of the unnatural gloom. “But think of the position that would put Charlie in – When my dad calls the police to report me missing.”   
  
We stopped when Jacob said we’d gone six miles, cut west for a short time, and headed back along another line of his grid. Everything looked exactly the same as the way in, and I had a feeling that we wouldn’t find the meadow. I told Jake so when it started to get darker, the sunless day fading toward a starless night, but Jake was confident.    
  
“As long as you’re sure we’re starting from the right place, we should be fine.”    
  
“Yes, I’m sure.”   
  
“Then we’ll find it.” he promised, grabbing my wrist and pulling me through a mass of ferns. On the other side was the truck. He gestured toward it proudly. “Trust me.”   
  
“Okay, I’ll say it – you’re good.” I admitted, smiling. “Next time we bring flashlights, though.”   
  
“We’ll save hiking for Sundays from now on. We’re least likely to encounter others then.”   
  
I went around to the driver’s side. “So you up for another try tomorrow?” I asked as he climbed into the passenger seat.    
  
“Sure. I hope we see the bear tomorrow. I’m sort of disappointed about that.” He grinned at me in the dark car.

“Yeah, me too!” I agreed sarcastically. “Maybe we get lucky and it’ll want to eat us.”

“Bears don’t eat people, man. We don’t taste that good.” Jacob grinned at me. “Though, you might be an exception. I bet you’d taste good.”

“Wow, thanks, bro.” I rolled my eyes, laughing.


	7. Third Wheel

Time began to trip along much more quickly than before. School, work, and Jacob – though not necessarily in that order – created a neat and effortless pattern to follow. But of course I couldn’t distract myself entirely. When I stopped to take stock of my life, which I tried to do only when absolutely necessary, I couldn’t ignore the unknown of the future looming over me like the blade of a guillotine. 

At least I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to worry Charlie. But it also meant that I was running out of one hobby to chase after, since the learning process was going to be over soon, and I had to find another project to tackle. I threw myself into the search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other skills I could waste my time on. 

I didn’t keep track of the days that passed – there was no reason, as I tried to live as much in the present as possible, no future impending. So I was surprised by the date when Jacob brought it up on one of our homework days. He was waiting when I pulled up in front of his house. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Jake said, smiling, but ducking his head as he greeted me.

He held out a small, pink box, balancing it on his palm. Conversation hearts. 

“Well, I feel like an idiot.” I frowned. “Is today Valentine’s Day?”

He shook his head with mock sadness. “You can be so out of it sometimes, man. Yes, it’s February fourteenth. So are you going to be my Valentine? I thought it would be sad to spend the day alone, and since we’re both single... Also, you didn’t get me a fifty-cent box of candy, so it’s the least you can do to compensate me. Or do you have someone?”

I shook my head no. “So if I say yes, what exactly would that mean?” I laughed. “Do you have something planned?” I didn’t wait for his answer before I took the candy.

“Oh, just the usual – slave for life, that kind of deal.”

“If that’s all…” I laughed again. He did, too. 

Jake crossed his arms in front of his chest. “So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?”

“Hiking, though I’m starting to think I imagined that place.” I frowned. 

“We’ll find it.” He assured me. “Bikes Friday?” he offered. 

“I’m going to a movie Friday. I’ve been promising my boss that I would head out with his daughter for some time now and I can’t ditch her again.” 

I didn’t think anything of it but Jacob seemed to – his face fell. I caught the expression in his dark eyes before he dropped them to look at the ground. 

“You’ll come too, right?” I added quickly. “Or will it be too much of a drag with a stranger around?” I hoped for a chance to put an immediate barrier between the girl and me, plus I couldn’t stand leaving Jake out; we seemed to be connected now in an odd way that Kennedy and I weren’t. 

“You’d like me to come, with a girl there?” His face was skeptical. Suddenly I realized what it must have sounded like. 

“Oh, no, it’s not like- me and her, it’s not a date, dude! I’m just doing my boss a favor.” I admitted. “I’ll have a lot more fun if you’re there.”

I broached the subject with Mike at work. 

“Hey, man.” I said when my shift was over. “About Jenny… Is she free Friday night?”

He looked up, his blue eyes instantly hopeful. “Yeah, she is! You want to take her out?”

I worded my reply carefully. “I was thinking about getting a group-“ I emphasized the word, “together to go see Crosshairs.” I’d done my homework on the movie – even reading the spoilers so I could be sure it wouldn’t be romantic in any way. This movie was supposed to be a bloodbath from start to finish. I felt a bit bad at the thought of Jenny having to watch a horror movie with two guys but I made a mental note to explain everything to her at the beginning of the evening.

“Sure.” Mike agreed, visibly less eager. He had really hoped for that date. 

“Cool. I’ll pick her up at seven, then.”

When I got home from school on Friday, a very familiar car was parked in front of my house. Jacob was leaning against the hood, a huge grin lighting up his face. 

“Oh, dude!” I shouted as I jumped out of the truck. “You’re done!? I can’t believe it! You finished the Rabbit, man!”

Jake beamed. “Just last night. This is the virgin drive.”

“Incredible!” I high-fived him and lightly squeezed his neck. I left my hand resting on his neck for a second too long. Jake made a face I’m sure I wasn’t meant to see. 

I agreed to letting him drive his car and got in the passenger seat. When we arrived at Mike’s, Jenny was already waiting for us on the front porch. She hopped down the stairs when Jake had parked. 

“Hi, guys. I’m Jenny.” She said and she sounded excited and flirty. It was clear she looked forward to the evening much more than I did. Jenny’s eyes turned wary as she saw the empty backseat and realized we would be two men and one girl. She glanced at Jacob and I did, too, briefly. He really didn’t look like a sophomore at all. He was just my size – presumably two heads taller than her –and then his face was older-looking than it used to be, even a month ago. 

Jenny got in the backseat and we started on the fifteen-minute-drive to the cinema. On our way there I bragged about Jake like a proud soccer mom: “Jake just finished this car, by the way! He built it from scratch, all by himself.”

Jake seemed to blush a little but started talking about process of building it. He flashed a smile in the rear view mirror, directed at Jenny. I could see her smile back but it seemed very halfhearted. Then she leaned forward, resting her chin on the shoulder of my seat; her cheek almost touched mine. I shifted away, turning my back toward the window. 

“Doesn’t the radio work in this thing?” Jenny asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Jake mid-sentence. 

“Yes, it does.” Jake said. “But Jordan doesn’t like music while driving.”

I looked at him, surprised. I’d never told him that. 

“Jordan?” Jenny asked, annoyed. 

“He’s right.” I said apologetically, still looking at Jacob’s serene profile. 

“How can you not like music?” Jenny demanded. 

I shrugged. “I like music. But it just irritates me when driving. I can’t concentrate then.”

“But you’re not even dri-“ She started but Jacob glared at her in the mirror and she shut up, visibly pissed. She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat to look out the window. 

When we got to the theater, Jake handed me a ten-dollar bill. 

“What?” I objected. 

“I’m not old enough to get into this one.” He reminded me.

I laughed out loud. “Oh shit, right, sorry, man! Is Billy gonna kill me if I sneak you in?”

“No, I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence.”

I chuckled, and Jenny quickened her pace to keep up with us. She gave us a disgusted look. 

I wished that Jenny had decided to bow out, taking the blame off me. She seemed interested enough in me to stick around, though. I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression – she was pretty and all but this was forced, we got off on the wrong foot and I didn’t even want a girlfriend. 

The movie was exactly what I had hoped for it to be. In just the opening credits, four people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me put her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her date’s chest. He patted her shoulder, and winced occasionally, too. I nervously side-eyed Jenny to check whether she was going to pull a similar move. But she didn’t look like she was watching the movie at all. Her face was stiff as she glared toward the fringe of the curtain above the screen. 

I wasn’t actually interested in the movie myself, so I settled in to endure the two hours, watching the colors and the movement on the screen rather than seeing the shapes of people and cars and houses. But then Jake started sniggering. 

“What?” I whispered. 

“Oh, come on!” He hissed back. “The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?” He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall. 

After that, I really watched the film, laughing with him as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. How would I explain to Mike later that I had more fun with Jake than my actual date, Mike’s daughter?

Both Jake and Jenny had claimed the armrests on either side of me. Both of their hands rested lightly, palm up, in a nonchalant looking position. Like bear traps, open and ready. Jake was in the habit of taking my hand every now and then in excitement, but here in the darkened movie theater, with Jenny watching, it would have a different significance. I couldn’t believe that he was thinking of this in a date way, but his hand was placed exactly like Jenny’s and I was very sure about her intent.

I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep. In the moment it didn’t occur to me to take either one’s hand, even if I had wanted to – I wasn’t going to hurt one of them. 

Jenny gave up first. About halfway through the movie, she pulled her arm back, and leaned forward to put her head in her hands. At first I thought she was reacting to something on the screen, but then she moaned. 

“Jenny, are you alright?” I whispered.

The couple in front of us turned to look at her as she groaned again. I could see the sheen of sweat across her face in the light from the screen. Jenny groaned again, and bolted for the door. I jumped up to follow her, and Jacob copied me immediately. 

“No, stay.” I whispered. “I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

He came with me anyway. 

“You don’t have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage, man.” I insisted as we walked up the aisle. I didn’t want this evening to be ruined for all three of us. 

“It’s fine. You sure can pick them, dude. This movie really sucks.” His voice rose from a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the room.

There was no sign of Jenny in the hallway, and I was glad then that Jake had come with me – I didn’t want to look like a creep all alone waiting in front of the ladies’ restroom. But we were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was deserted-quiet enough for us to hear the closed-off retching coming from the bathroom stall Jenny must’ve been in. 

Jake went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, nodding at the space beside him. 

“Sounds like she’s going to be in there for a while.” He said, stretching his long legs out in front of him as he settled in to wait. I joined him with a sigh. He looked like he was contemplating something. Sure enough, as soon as I sat down, he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders. 

“Jake?” I asked, leaning away slightly. He dropped his arm, not looking bothered at all by the minor rejection. He reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist. Where was this coming from?

“Hold on a minute, Jordan.” He said in a calm voice. “Tell me something.”

I was puzzled. I didn’t understand this right away. “What?” I asked, confused. 

“You like me, right?” 

It slowly dawned on me. “You know I do, man.”

“Better than that girl puking her guts out in there?” He gestured toward the bathroom door. 

I didn’t answer but just looked at him questioningly. 

“Better than any of the other guys you know?” He was calm, serene – as if my answer didn’t matter, or he already knew what it was. “Better than the girls?”

“I mean, yeah, you’re my best friend, dude.”

“But that’s all.” He said, and it wasn’t a question. 

It was hard to answer, to even make up my mind. It hadn’t occurred to me before, that he could feel this way about me. It hadn’t occurred to me before that I could, maybe, feel that way about him, too. 

He grinned at me. “That’s okay, you know. As long as you like me best.”

“Jake, I-“ I began but I stopped myself. What would I even say if I didn’t know what I felt? This whole situation overwhelmed me. I wasn’t prepared for him to be so outright with me. I wasn’t prepared to find out that he might have a crush on me. 

“This doesn’t really bother you, does it?” He asked, squeezing my hand. 

“Well, no.” I said, truthfully. After all, I was used to him holding my hand occasionally. Really thinking about it for the first time, I realized that it felt nice. His hand was warm and had a strong grip, his palm was rough. Still, this was new. This had a different intent – or was it different? Had he maybe been sending signals this whole time? 

“And you don’t care what she thinks.” Jake jerked his thumb toward the bathroom. 

“I guess not.” 

“So what’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem,” I said and I got really flustered, blushing and all. My heart started beating faster. What the fuck was going on? 

“I don’t know if this means the same for me as it does for you.” I said, and I was surprised at my own confident honesty. 

“Well.” Jake tightened his hand around mine. “That’s my problem then, isn’t it?” He let go off me. “The pin’s out of the grenade for me now, so I’m just relieved either way.” 

I couldn’t believe this whole scene – My best friend, this guy I had known since childhood, just confessed his feelings for me? And as chill as he was about it, I certainly was not. This moment turned my whole life upside down in a matter of seconds. Nothing made sense. 

Jake chuckled quietly while his pinky finger absently traced the fine hairs on my hand. 

“That’s a weird scar you’ve got there.” He suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it. The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery crescent that stood out against my suntan. “How did that happen?”

And just like that he seemed to be back to our old reality, the one that still enjoyed the simplicity of platonic friendship. 

“Dude, I don’t remember where all my scars come from. Had this one since childhood, though.”

I pulled my hand away. It all suddenly became too much for me to handle on one evening. 

And then Jenny stumbled out of the bathroom, her face ashen and covered in sweat. She looked horrible. 

“Oh, Jesus.” I whispered. I stumbled toward Jenny and put my arms around her in case she needed support. She sacked against my chest.

“Do you mind leaving early?” Her voice had the characteristic vomit-croak to it. Guilt punched me in the stomach. 

“No, of course not.” 

“Was the movie too much for you?” Jake asked in a gentle tone but Jenny glared at him malevolently. “I didn’t actually see any of it.” She mumbled. “I was nauseated before the lights went down.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked as we staggered toward the exit. 

“I was hoping it would pass.” She said and she sounded pitiful. Jenny really wanted this to be a date, and she wanted it to work out. I felt really fucking bad. 

“Just a sec.” Jake said as we reached the door. He walked quickly back to the concession stand. 

“Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?” he asked the salesgirl. She looked at Jenny once, and then thrust a bucket at Jake. 

“Get her outside, please.” She begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor. 

I dragged Jenny out into the cool, wet air. She inhaled deeply. Jacob was right behind us. He opened the car to the backseat, and after we’d climbed in, handed her the bucket with slight concern on his face. 

“Here you go.” 

We rolled down the windows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Jenny. I curled my arm around her to keep her warm. 

“Are you guys cold?” Jake asked, glancing in the rear view mirror, and turned up the heating before we could answer. 

“You’re not?” Jenny asked weakly. 

Jake shook his head. 

“You must have a fever or something.” She said then, and I looked at her in surprise. She seemed to legitimately worry about him for a moment. It made me think that she might have a caring side to her and that, in another timeline, maybe I’d have given her a chance. 

Just then she groaned and threw up into the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn’t defiled. 

The road felt longer on the way back. Jacob was quiet, thoughtful. None of us talked. I stared out the window, trying to sort through the emotional chaos inside me. 

It was so wrong to encourage Jacob. Pure selfishness. It didn’t matter that I’d tried to make it clear how unprepared I was for the situation. He said he was fine but it seemed like he still was hopeful that this could into something other than friendship. But if it did – and I did not know at all whether it could or not – this could have some serious consequences; Two guys like us in a town like Forks, together? Who would understand that? Not my friends, not the town. Certainly not our dads. They’re old and traditional, as everyone else here. How would I even explain to Kennedy and Owen-

I stopped myself, snapping out of it. Why was I thinking about this at all? Why did I contemplate the consequences to something that hasn’t even happened? Did I want it to happen? Did I like Jake the way he liked me? I genuinely couldn’t tell. I was completely lost. 

When we arrived at Mike’s house, I helped Jenny out of the car and brought her to her door step, hugging her goodbye. I apologized profusely to Mike but Jenny told me that it wasn’t my fault. Mike looked disappointed, but nothing more. I wasn’t too scared of losing my job as I climbed into the passenger seat of the Rabbit.

Jake was still quiet the way back to my house, and I wondered if he were thinking the same things as I was earlier. Maybe he was changing his mind, or at least regretted telling me. 

“I would invite myself in, since we’re early.” He said as we pulled up next to my truck. “But I think Jenny might have been right about the fever. I’m starting to feel a little strange.”

“Oh, do you want me to drive you home?” I asked helplessly. I was just too goddamn overwhelmed by everything. 

“No.” He shook his head, his eyebrows pulling together. “I don’t feel sick yet, just…wrong. If I have to, I’ll pull over. Don’t worry, bud.”

“Call me when you got home, alright?” I asked. 

“Sure, sure.” He frowned, staring ahead into the darkness. His mind seemed elsewhere. 

I opened my door to get out, but Jake grabbed my wrist lightly and held me there. I noticed again how unnaturally hot his skin felt on mine. 

“There’s something I want to tell you, Jordan. But I think it’s going to sound kind of corny.”

I sighed. This would be more of the same from the theater and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. “Go ahead.” 

“It’s just that, I know you’re under a lot of stress, with college and the scholarship and all. And, maybe it doesn’t help anything, but I wanted you to know that I’m always here, okay? I promise that you can always count on me. That sounds so stupid but… you know that, right?”

I was exhausted. “Yeah, Jake, I know that. Thank you.”

The smile broke up his features the way a sunrise sets the clouds on fire, and I wanted to smack myself for giving him even more hope. I hadn’t said one untruthful word, but I should have lied. 

A strange looked flitted across his face. “I really think I’d better go home now.” He said. I nodded and got out quickly. 

I watched him drive away, and he seemed to be in control of the car, at least. I stared at the empty street when he was gone, feeling a little sick myself, but not for any physical reason. 

How much I wished then that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate lifetime-claim on him that still left me free of any blame for heartbreak. 

“Movie over already?” Charlie asked in surprise when I came in. He was on the floor, just a foot from the TV. Must be an exciting game. 

“Mike’s girl got sick.” I explained. “Some kind of stomach flu.”

“You okay, though?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said flatly. 

I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hand inches from the phone, and tried to wait patiently. I thought of the strange look on Jake’s face before he drove away, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should have insisted on driving him home.

I watched the clock at the minutes ticked by Ten. Fifteen. Twenty. Even when I was driving, it took only twenty minutes, and Jacob drove faster than I did. Twenty-five minutes. I picked up the phone and dialed.

It rang and rang. Maybe Billy was asleep. Maybe I’d dialed wrong. I tried again. 

On the eighth ring, just as I was about to hang up, Billy answered. 

“Yes?” He asked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting bad news. 

“Billy, it’s me, Jordan. Did Jake make it home yet? He left here about half an hour ago.”

“He’s here.” Billy said tonelessly. 

“He was supposed to call me.” I was a little irritated. “He was getting sick when he left, and I was worried.”

“He was… too sick to call. He’s not feeling well right now.” Billy sounded distant. I realized he must want to be with his son. 

“Let me know if you need any help.” I offered. “I could come down.” I thought of Billy, stuck in his wheelchair, and Jake fending for himself. 

“No, no.” Billy said quickly. “We’re fine. Stay home, boy.” He sounded almost rude. 

“Okay.” I agreed. 

“Bye, Jordan.”

The line disconnected. 

Well, at least he’d made it home. Oddly, I didn’t feel less worried. Maybe I would go down before work tomorrow to check on him. I could take soup – we had to have a can of Campbell’s around here somewhere.

I couldn’t concentrate on homework that evening, or on the game Charlie was watching with me, or on the e-mail I wrote my mother. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep all night. I thought about Jake non-stop, and I realized how much I’d gotten used to him and that I was in deeper than I had been aware of before. I was in deeper than I’d planned to go with anyone again for a while, after Selena. I contemplated again and again whether I liked him back and I even tried to convince myself that I did for a moment. I made a mental list of all the things I liked about him and compared it to the few, but heavy-weight, arguments I had against dating him. 

_ Dating him.  _ The way that sounded. The absolutely ridiculous possibility of introducing my father to the term “my boyfriend”, introducing my friends to the idea of me being into guys, introducing to myself the idea of kissing Jake. Worries came up and popped like soap bubbles all night, the tiniest things I took into consideration, only to dismiss them again a few moments later. Everything was confusing and blurry and chaotic, and I didn’t manage to convince myself that I wanted to be with him romantically. But deep in my heart I also knew that I would let him try. He was my best friend and I would always love him, one way or another. 

The next morning, I realized all plans to visit Jake were canceled when I woke up early – my clock said four thirty – and sprinted to the bathroom. Charlie found me there a half hour later, lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold edge of the bathtub. 

He looked at me for a long moment. 

“Stomach flu.” He finally said. 

“You think?” I moaned. 

“You need something?”

“Call Newton’s for me, please.” I instructed hoarsely. “Tell them I have what Jenny has, and that I can’t make it in today.”

“Sure, no prob.” Charlie caressed my face and hair and then left. 

I spent the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, sleeping for a few hours with my head on a crumpled up towel. Charlie claimed that he had to work, but I suspected that he just wanted access to a bathroom. There goes the joy and simplicity of sharing one.    
He left a glass of water on the floor beside me to keep me hydrated. 

It woke me up when he came back home. I could see that it was dark in my room – after nightfall. He clumped up the stairs to check on me. 

“Still alive?”

“Sort of.” I said. 

“Do you need anything?”

“No, thanks, Dad.”

He hesitated, clearly worried. “Okay, then.” He said, and then he went back down to the kitchen. 

I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Charlie spoke to someone in a low voice for a moment, and then hung up. 

“Jenny feels better.” He called up to me. 

Well, that was encouraging. She’d only gotten sick eight hour or so before me. Eight more hours. The thought made my stomach turn, and I pulled myself up to lean over the toilet. 

I fell asleep on the towel again, but when I woke up I was in my bed and it was light outside my window. I didn’t remember moving but Charlie must’ve half dragged-half carried me to my room while I was in some kind of vomiting stupor. He’d also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I felt parched. I chugged it down, though it tasted flat from sitting stagnant all night.

I got up slowly, trying not to trigger the nausea again. My body was weak from cramping, and my mouth tasted horrible, but my stomach felt fine. I looked at my clock – my twenty-four hours were up. 

I didn’t push it, eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast. Charlie looked relieved to see me recovered. At the breakfast table he leaned over from behind his newspaper and placed his palm on my cheek and forehead, checking my temperature. His eyebrows were knit together in concentration. He didn’t say anything when he took his hand away again but he gave a satisfied “Hmm.”

As soon as I was sure that I wasn’t going to have to spend the day on the bathroom floor again, I called Jake. 

He was the one who answered, but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasn’t over it. 

“Hello?” His voice was broken, cracking. 

“Oh, dude.” I groaned sympathetically. “You sound horrible.”

“I feel horrible.” He croaked. 

“I’m so sorry I made you go out with us, I got infected, too.”

“Nah, I’m glad I went.” His voice was a whisper. “Don’t blame yourself, this isn’t your fault.” He paused, then added, “Or Jenny’s, for that matter.”

“You’ll get better soon, though.” I promised. “I woke up this morning and was fine again.”

“That’s good.” He sounded dull. “But I don’t think I have the same thing you did.”

“Don’t you have a stomach flu?” I asked, confused. 

“No. This is something else.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Everything.” He whispered. “Every part of me hurts, man.”

The pain in his voice was nearly tangible. 

“Can I do anything?”

“No.” His answer was curt, abrupt. It reminded me of Billy the other night. “I’ll call you when I can, let you know when you can come down again. “

“Jake-“

“I’ve got to go.” He said with sudden urgency. 

“Call me when you feel better.”

“Right.” He agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitter edge. He was silent for a moment. I was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too. 

“I guess I’ll see you soon, then.” I finally said.

“Wait for me to call.” He said again. 

“Okay. Bye, Jake.”

“Jordan.” He whispered my name, and then hung up the phone. 


	8. The Meadow

Jacob didn’t call. 

The first time I called, Billy answered and told me that Jake was still in bed. I got nosy, checking to make sure that Billy had taken him to a doctor. Billy said he had, but, for some reason I couldn’t nail down, I didn’t really believe him. I called again for the next two days, but no one was ever there. 

Saturday I decided to go see him, invitation be damned. But the little red house was empty. This unnerved me – was Jake so sick that he’d needed to go to the hospital? I stopped by the hospital on the way back home, but the nurse at the front desk told me neither Jacob or Billy had been in. 

Once Charlie got home from work, I made him call Harry Clearwater. I waited while he chatted with his old friend; the conversation seemed to go on forever without Jake ever being mentioned. It seemed that Harry had been in the hospital himself – some kind of tests for his heart. Charlie’s forehead got all pinched together, but Harry joked with him, blowing it off, until Charlie was laughing again. Only then did Charlie ask about Jake, and now his side of the conversation didn’t give me much to work with, just a lot of  _ hmmms _ and  _ yeahs _ . I drummed my fingers against the counter beside him until he put a hand over mine to stop me. Charlie is easy to make nervous. 

Finally, he hung up the phone and turned to me. 

“Harry says there’s been some trouble with the phone lines, and that’s why you haven’t been able to get through. Billy took Jake to the doc down there, and it looks like he has mono. He’s real tired, and Billy said no visitors.” My father reported. 

“No visitors?” I demanded in disbelief. 

Charlie raised one eyebrow. “No don’t you go making a pest of yourself, son. Billy knows what’s best for his kid. He’ll be up and around soon enough, be patient. Besides, you two been hanging out an awful lot lately. Maybe some distance isn’t too bad.”

I ignored his remark and didn’t push it. Charlie was too worried about Harry. That was clearly the more important issue – it wouldn’t be right to bug him with my lesser concerns. Instead, I went to my room and turned on my computer. I found a medical site online and typed “mononucleosis” into the search box. 

All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which I was now pretty sure I could rule out with Jake. I read through the symptoms quickly – the fever he definitely had, but what about the rest of it? He hadn’t said anything about a horribly sore throat, or exhaustion, or headaches, and he didn’t seem to suffer any of it before he’d gone home from the movie. Did it really come on so fast? The article made it sound like the sore throat showed up first. 

I glared at the computer screen and wondered why exactly I was doing this. Why did I feel so…  _ suspicious _ , like I didn’t believe Billy’s story? Why would Billy lie to Harry?

I was being paranoid, probably. I was just worried, and, to be honest, I was nervous about the whole situation between Jake and I. As unresolved as we left it, I needed to see him again to get a clear idea of how I felt. 

I skimmed through the rest of the article, looking for more information. I stopped when I got t the part about how mono could last more than a month. Would I be prohibited from seeing him for a whole month?

But Billy couldn’t enforce the no-visitors thing that long. Of course not. Jake would go crazy stuck in bed that long without anyone to talk to. What was Billy afraid of, anyway? The article said that a person with mono needed to avoid physical activity, but there was nothing about visitors. The disease wasn’t very infectious.   
I decided I’d give Billy a week before I got pushy. 

A week was long. I sat on hot coals. When I’d decided to leave the Blacks alone for a week, I hadn’t really believed that Jake would go along with Billy’s rule. Every day when I got home from school, I checked the phone for messages. There never were any. 

I cheated three times by trying to call him, but the phone lines still weren’t working. 

On Saturday I tried calling again, and if the phone lines still weren’t working, I would go to La Push. One way or another I would talk to Jake again. 

I dialed, and then waited without high expectations. It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring. 

“Hello?”

“Oh, hey, the phone is working again! Hi, Billy, it’s Jodie. I was just calling to see how Jacob is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking about dropping by-“

“I’m sorry, Jordan.” Billy interrupted, and I wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. “He’s not in.”

“Oh.” It took me a second. “So he’s feeling better then?”

“Yeah.” Billy hesitated for an instant too long. “Turns out it wasn’t mono after all. Just some other virus.”

“So, where is he then?”

“He’s giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles – I think they were going to catch a movie or something. He’s gone for the whole day.”

“Well, that’s a relief. I was worried, but I’m glad he feels good enough to get out.” My voice sounded horribly phony as I went on. 

Jake was better, but not well enough to call me. He was out with friends. Was he hurt by my reaction to his confession? Did he secretly expect me to like him back instantly? And here I was, missing him more every hour and worrying to death about him, our situation. I felt weirdly hurt as I realized that the week apart seemed to have not had the same effect on him.

“Is there anything in particular you wanted?” Billy asked politely. 

“No, not really.”

“Well, I’ll tell him that you called.” He promised. “Bye, Jordan.”

“Bye.” I replied, but he’d already hung up. 

I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand. Jake must have changed his mind, just like I’d feared. He must’ve misunderstood my behaviour and felt rejected. He probably decided to not waste any more time on someone who didn’t return his feelings. But didn’t I? I couldn’t say. But, admittedly, it was hard to think of Jake in a romantic context the few times I’d tried to. 

“Something wrong?” Charlie asked as he came down the stairs. 

“No.” I lied, hanging up the phone. “Billy says Jake is feeling better. It wasn’t mono, so that’s good.”

“Is he coming here, or are you going there?” Charlie asked absentmindedly as he started poking through the fridge. 

“Neither.” I said. “He’s going out with his friends.”

I tried to sound nonchalant but I guess it didn’t work because the tone of my voice caught Charlie’s attention. He looked up at me with sudden alarm, his hands frozen around a package of cheese slices. 

“Isn’t it a little early for lunch?” I asked as lightly as I could manage, trying to distract him. 

“No, I’m just packing something to take out to the river…”

“Oh, fishing today.” I made it a statement. 

“Well, Harry called… and it’s not raining.” He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he’d just realized something. “Or did you want me to stay with you, since Jake’s out?”

I was taken aback by his observation. “I do have other friends, Dad.” I scoffed. “Thanks, man, but the fish bite better when the weather’s nice.”

He stared at me for a moment, indecision clear on his face. I knew that he was worrying, not wanting me lonely. 

“Seriously, I think I’ll call Kennedy, haven’t seen him in a while.” To be honest, at the moment I’d rather be alone than have Charlie watch TV with me all day and sulk about missing a fishing opportunity. 

“That’s a good idea. You’ve been spending so much time with Jacob, your other friends probably think you’ve forgotten them. “

_ Thanks for making me feel even more guilty, Charles.  _

He started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. “Hey, you’ll meet him here or at Ken’s, right?”

“Sure, where else?”

“Well, it’s just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before.”

It took a minute to understand, distracted as I was. “More bear trouble?”

Charlie nodded, frowning. “We’ve got a missing hiker – the rangers found his camp early this morning, but no sign of him. There were some really big animal prints… of course those could have come later, smelling the food… Anyway, they’re setting traps for it now.”

“Alright.” I said vaguely. I wasn’t really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jake than by the possibility of getting attacked by a bear I’ll never meet. 

I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry. He didn’t wait for me to call Kennedy, so I didn’t have to put on that charade. I went through the motions of gathering my things from my room. 

I was so busy looking busy for Charlie that the ferociously empty day ahead didn’t really crash down on me until after I’d watched him drive away. After his car left the driveway I decided pretty quickly that I wasn’t staying home today. I considered my options. 

Maybe calling Kennedy wasn’t too bad an idea after all. One of us could come over to the other one’s house, or we could go to the field and play some football. I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized that I had abandoned my friends for a couple weeks now. It was enough to convince me to pick up the phone. 

Kennedy was happy to hear from me and didn’t seem bitter at all. In fact, when I apologized for neglecting him for so long, he laughed and said, “Ah, no bad blood, Swan. I finally got something going with Margot. You know, Thompson? From my chem course.”

In the middle of the call I remembered the hiking adventures and how Jake and me tried to find the meadow that Kennedy and I originally discovered years ago. I proposed the idea to him to go look for it. Kennedy excitedly agreed. 

I already had the map and Jake’s compass in the truck. I was pretty sure I understood the process well enough by now that we wouldn’t get lose. Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Jake decided to hike with me again. I refused to think about how long that might be. 

A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that led to nowhere in particular, except a couple of solitary houses. I picked Kennedy up and we rolled down the windows as I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck, trying to enjoy the wind against our faces. It was cloudy, but almost dry – a very nice day for Forks standards. 

Getting started took us longer than it would have taken Jake. After I parked in the usual sport, we had to spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the compass face and the markings on the now worn map. When I was reasonably certain that we were following the right line of the web, I set off into the woods. 

Kennedy was visibly impressed with my newly acquired skill. He looked over my shoulder as I turned the map left and right and his eyes were wide in fascination. 

“Dude, you gotta teach me this!” he said. Then he took a long look at me. “Jake knows his stuff, huh? I haven’t seen him in years, how’s he doing?”

I was surprised he’d asked but I didn’t want to let it show. I shrugged. “He’s alright.”

Kennedy nodded in that certain way of his and I knew he wasn’t convinced. But he wouldn’t push the topic. He always waits for me to come around and talk to him, because he knows that eventually I will. For a really long time I thought he was the only one in the world who truly understood me, on a fundamental level. I wondered if that had changed.

We walked in silence for around twenty minutes, just admiring the nature around us. The forest was full of life today, all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness. Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around our heads, and the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seemed lonelier today; The absence of Jake’s carefree whistle was tangible. 

“I gotta talk to you.” I finally said, louder than necessary. Kennedy came to a halt beside me and his face was encouragingly open. I was nervous on Jake’s behalf on what I was about to say, but then I remembered Kennedy had a gay sister. I swallowed. 

“Jake likes me.”

Kennedy’s eyebrows shot up his forehead but I couldn’t judge what that meant. 

“How do you know?” He asked slowly. 

“He told me.” 

My friend looked around and thought for a moment, then turned back to me. “And is it mutual?”

I shrugged. “I can’t seem to figure it out.”

“Well,” he said and put an arm around my neck, “you have plenty of time to figure it out.” He smiled at me with the warmest expression I’d ever seen on his face. Instant relief washed through me like a flood of sunlight. We continued walking. I decided to open up more. 

“When he told me, I was really surprised, you know? Like, I didn’t expect that at all. And I’ve never thought about it before either, so, like, I’m just really overwhelmed with the situation.”

Kennedy nodded understandingly. “I think especially at our age these kind of things can be really confusing.” 

I could tell he’s had this talk with his sister before. I was really grateful for that. That and the fact that Kennedy was emotionally intelligent.

“It’s just that I’ve never thought about any of this stuff. I never questioned what or who I liked before. I’ve only ever really been interested in Selena before, and when I was with her, I didn’t think about anyone else.” I scratched my neck, Kennedy scratched his forehead. The mosquitoes were getting to us. 

“When’s he told you?” Kennedy asked. 

“About two weeks ago or so. When we were at the movies with Jenny Newton.”

“You talk about it since?”

“Nah, we haven’t seen each other, he was sick.”

Kennedy nodded once more. “Well, what have you thought about it, then?”

I tried to gather and sort all the different worries and arguments I had in my head for the past two weeks. 

“All sorts of things, I don’t know. Like I tried to imagine how it would go if we were together and I tried to figure out if-  _ what _ I like about him. Turns out the list is pretty long but I just don’t know if it’s romantic, you know? Like, of course I enjoy spending time with him and all but I like spending time with you, too, for example.”

“So is there no difference?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Like, do you feel the same with him as you feel around me?”

I had to think about that for a moment. This was something I hadn’t considered before. “I mean, I don’t fucking know, man.”

“Well, like I said. You got time.” 

I looked at him and Kennedy smiled and just then a sense of unease grew in the pit of my stomach; In truth, I didn't want to think about any of this. I didn't want to think about Jake that way, or any other guy for that matter. I didn't want to have to convince myself of any feelings I could or didn't have for Jake. If anything, I wanted to let it all come to me naturally, in due time. But I felt like that wasn't a possibility anymore, now that Jake had told me and indirectly put pressure on me. 

I almost wanted to turn around to leave the situation – and thus the thoughts – behind but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended. 

The rhythm of our synchronized footsteps started to numb my mind as I trudged on. I calmed down eventually, and I was glad I hadn't quit. I was getting better at this hiking thing; I could tell I was faster and felt more natural in the environment. 

Still, I didn't realize quite how efficiently we were moving. I thought we'd covered maybe four miles, and we hadn't even started to look around for the meadow yet. And then, with an abruptness that surprised both Kennedy and myself, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples, pushing past the chest-high ferns – into the meadow. 

It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was perfectly round, as if someone had intentionally created a flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear a stream bubbling quietly. 

“Oh man, this is it, ain't it?” Kennedy, in awe, whispered next to me.

The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene. It wasn't the right season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake. 

Kennedy sank down right where he was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to unpack some sandwiches from his backpack. I took a plastic rain poncho out of my own bag and spread it out on the wet grass for us to sit on. We shared the sandwiches and remembered the first time we found this place. The memories lingered here like a fog and we laughed about our time together. And while I sat there, food in hand and eyes watching my best friend tell a story, a thought struck me out of nowhere: Kennedy looked good, stereotypical American jock, with his blonde crew cut and his square jaw. But Jacob looked better. His features were warmer, comforting, beautiful in some rough way. And I said it out loud before I could stop myself. 

“Jake's handsome.” That was all I said. Kennedy smiled a little, and gave his understanding nod. He took a long, intense look at me. 

“Why does this bother you so much?”

The question caught me off guard. He noticed. 

“I mean, you seem very caught up in it. But like, in a way that makes me think you're trying to fight yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. “I'm not trying to fight anything. I don't even know if there's anything to fight.”

Kennedy raised his eyebrows and finished his sandwich. “I think there is. The fact that you're thinking about this so much tells me you like him, too. Like, every other dude would've reacted differently.”

“I guess I'm not every other dude, then.”

“Nah, you sure ain't.” He smiled. “I remember something from our childhood, actually. When we'd just met in Coach Jackson's football team.”

I perked up at that. What was he getting at?

“Jake and his dad picked you up from training and when I asked you who that is, you said he was your 'special friend'. I didn't get it and you said you loved him more than anyone else.”

“I was six, bro.” I scoffed. 

“Yeah, but it hasn't changed, has it?”

Kennedy gave me a piercing look then, one that meant he had read me like a book and  _ knew _ . Knew better than I knew. And I had to admit to myself that he was right. 

“Even with Selena.” He said. 

I looked away, turned my gaze to the gray skies above. 

“It's gonna rain soon.” I stated. I needed to escape. “We better get going.”

At least I'd found the meadow. I didn't know how to feel about it, though; If I'd discovered it with Jacob, how differently would things have gone? What kind of relationship would we have had then? Maybe it was better this way. 

We got to our feet and packed our bags. I had just zipped my backpack close when I looked up to see Kennedy pause in the act of shouldering his bag and whipped his head abruptly to the left. My eyes followed his and I could hear him slowly backing away from me, saying “Oh my god.” His voice was so low I could barely hear it. 

My eyes scanned the meadow, searching for the interruption that had shocked Kennedy. At first I saw nothing, and my gaze flickered back to him. He was retreating more quickly now, his eyes boring into the forest. 

Then I saw it; a huge black shape eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward us. It was enormous – as tall as a horse, but thicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line of dagger-like incisors. A grisly snarl rolled out from between the teeth, rumbling across the clearing like a prolonged crack of thunder. 

The bear. Only, it wasn't a bear at all. Still, this gigantic black monster had to be the creature causing all the alarm. From a distance, anyone would assume it was a bear. What else could be so vast, so powerfully built? I wished we were lucky enough to see it from a distance. Instead, it padded silently through the grass a mere ten feet from where we stood. Kennedy's hand gripped the sleeve of my rain jacket and pulled in terror.

“Don't move an inch.” My father's voice whispered in my head, a distant memory from when we encountered a bear in my childhood once. 

I stared at the monstrous creature, my mind boggling as I tried to put a name to it. There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved. I could only think of one possibility, locked in horror as I was. Yet I'd never imagined that a wolf could get so big. 

Another growl rumbled in its throat, and I shuddered away from the sound. 

Kennedy was backing toward the edge of the trees, pulling me with him. I took a quick glance at him and saw his eyes were wide with horror, just like mine. I shook my head as slightly as possible to signalize we shouldn't move. 

As I turned my head back to the beast, I had to see with utter panic that the mammoth wolf was not alone. Flanking it on either side, another two gigantic animals prowled silently into the meadow. One was a deep gray, the other brown, neither one quite as tall as the first. The gray wolf came through the trees only a few feet from me, its eyes locked on Kennedy. 

Before we could even react, two more wolves followed, lined up in a V, like geese flying south. Which meant that the rusty brown monster that shrugged through the bush last was close enough for me to touch. 

I gave and involuntary gasp and jumped back – which was the stupidest thing I could have done. I froze again, waiting for the wolves to turn on us. The wolf closes to me, the reddish brown one, turned its head slightly at the sound of my gasp. Its eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of a second, the deep eyes seeming too intelligent for a wild animal. 

As it stared at me, I suddenly thought of Jacob – with gratitude. At least we'd come here without him, to this place filled with deadly monsters. At least  _ his _ life could be spared. One less teenage boy killed. 

Then another low growl from what I assumed was the leader caused the russet wolf to whip his head around, toward my friend. Kennedy was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock and fear. He looked like he was struggling with his fight or flight instinct and I knew I had to protect him. “Don't move!” I hissed, still as a statue. “Don't alarm them.”

Then what? I asked myself. I didn't know how we could possibly get out of this alive. 

Kennedy complied but, to our dread, the black wolf came closer and closer until it stood only a foot or so away from him. It leaned its massive head down to Kennedy and I was sure I had to witness my best friend being killed now. I wanted to look away but I couldn't, it was like staring at a car accident, only the accident hadn't happened yet and the outcome would be much worse. 

The wolf leaned in closer and closer until its nose almost touched Kennedy's face – he had his eyes and mouth shut tightly and trembled so much, he seemed to vibrate – and the wolf sniffed him. Like a dog, it sniffed Kennedy's face as if taking up his scent and had I not feared for his life then, I might have laughed at the ridiculous sight.

The tears started streaming down Kennedy's cheeks as the wolf sniffed him all over, his neck, his chest, his hands. I felt tears building up in my own eyes as I watched the scene, petrified and confused at the behavior, when suddenly a loud howl boomed through the woods. It seemed to come from every direction around us, and all the beasts lifted their heads, the black one pushing Kennedy over in the process because it was so close to him. He let out an involuntary yelp at that, but the animals paid him no more mind – instead they threw their heads back and howled a reply, loud enough to make me fear I would go deaf from it. Then they ran off, suddenly bolted in the direction from which they first came. 

Kennedy and I didn't move until we could no longer hear the rustling of the forest caused by these huge monsters, then my knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands,convulsing with hysterical crying.

“We- we n-need to g-go!” Kennedy sobbed next to me and he struggled to stand up, then hurriedly pulled me to my feet. A cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it. I scrambled to my feet, backing away even though the wind brushed harmlessly past me. Stumbling in panic, we turned and ran headlong into the trees. 

The next few hours were agony. It took us three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow. At first we paid no attention to where we were headed, focused only what we were running from. By the time I collected myself enough to remember the compass, we were deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest. My hands were shaking so violently that I had to set the compass on the muddy ground to be able to read it. Every few minutes we would stop to put the compass down and check that we were still heading northwest, hearing – when the sounds weren't hidden behind the frantic squelching of our footsteps – the quiet whisper of unseen things moving in the leaves. 

At last there was a break in the trees ahead. We came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where I'd left the truck. Exhausted as we were, we jogged up the lane until we found it. By the time I pulled myself into the cab, Kennedy was hyperventilating again. I hurriedly put my arms around him and tried to cradle him,  _ shh _ -ing and repeating “it's okay, we're fine” over and over for a few seconds, my hands frantically trying to reach every inch of his torso while also wiping away the traces of tears left on his face. Once he was a bit calmer, I helped him put on his seat belt and put on my own, then I fiercely shoved down both stiff locks before I dug my keys out of my pocket. The roar of the engine was comforting and sane. It helped me control my actions as I sped as fast as my truck would allow toward the main highway. 

After I had safely returned Kennedy to his mother, I got home calmer but still being a mess. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway - I hadn't realized how late it was. The sky was already dusky.

“Jordan?” Charlie asked when I slammed the front door behind me and hastily turned the locks. 

“Yeah, it's me.” My voice was unsteady. 

“Where've you been so long?” he thundered, appearing through the kitchen doorway with an ominous expression. 

I hesitated. He'd probably gotten a call from Mrs. Jones, telling him about how I returned her son to her with a deep-seated shock. I'd better stick to the truth. 

“We were hiking.” I admitted. 

His eyes were narrow. “I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest.”

“Yeah, I know. Don't worry, I won't do it again, Dad.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “What happened that Maureen told me her son was crying hysterically when you dropped him off?”

Charlie seemed to really look at me for the first time. I remembered that I had spent some time on the forest floor today; Only now did I realize how sweaty and dirty I was. 

“We saw the bear.” I tried to say it calmly, but my voice was high and shaky. “It's not a bear, though – it's some kind of wolf. And there are five of them, Dad. A big black one, and gray, and reddish-brown.”

Charlie's eyes grew round with horror. He walked towards me quickly and grabbed my upper arms. “Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes frantically searching my face. 

I gave a small nod.

“Tell me what happened.”

I made a disgusted face. “They didn't pay any attention to me, only to Kennedy. They sniffed him. But after they were gone, we ran away.” I looked down at myself. “We fell a lot.”

He let go off my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. For a long moment he didn't say anything, just held me tight and rubbed the back of my head.

“Wolves.” he murmured. 

“What?”

“The rangers said the tracks were wrong for a bear – but wolves just don't get that big...”

“These were fucking huge.”

“How many did you say you saw?”

“Five.” Charlie shook his head, frowning with anxiety. He finally spoke in a tone that allowed no argument. “No more hiking.”

“Gladly.” I promised fervently. 

Charlie called the station to report what we'd seen. I fudged a little bit about where exactly we'd seen the wolves – claiming we'd been on the trail that led to the north. I didn't want my dad to know how deep we'd gone into the forest against his wishes, and, more importantly, I didn't want anyone wandering near where the wolves actually were. The thought of it made me feel sick. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked me when he hung up the phone. 

I shook my head. The few sandwiches Kennedy and I had earlier sat heavy in my stomach now. “Just tired.” I told him. I turned for the stairs. 

“Hey.” Charlie said, his voice suddenly suspicious again. “Didn't you say Jacob was gone for the day?”

“That's what Billy said.” I told him, confused by the question. 

He studied my expression for a minute, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there. 

“Huh.”

“Why?” I demanded. It sounded like he was implying that I'd been lying to him this morning. About something besides going hiking. 

“Well, it's just that when I went to pick up Harry, I saw Jacob out in front of the store down there with some of his friends. I waved hi, but he... well, I guess I don't know if he saw me. I think maybe he was arguing with his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And... different. It's like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him. I could swear he was shorter than you just a couple weeks ago.”

“Billy said Jake and his friends were going up to Port Angeles to see some movies. They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them.”

“Oh.” Charlie nodded and headed for the kitchen. 

I stood in the hall, thinking about Jake arguing with his friends. I wondered if he had confronted Embry about the situation with Sam. Maybe that was the reason he'd ditched me today – if it meant he could sort things out with Embry, I was glad he had. 

I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. It was a useless thing to do. What difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I'd seen this afternoon?


	9. Cult

After the wolf encounter, I became paranoid. Each time that I opened my eyes to the morning light and realized I'd lived through another night was a surprise to me. After the surprise wore off, my heart would start to race and my palms would sweat; I couldn't really breathe again until I'd gotten up and ascertained that Charlie had survived as well. 

I could tell he was worried – watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see. From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame the change in my behavior on Jacob's continued absence. 

The terror and worry that were always foremost in my thoughts usually distracted me from the fact that another week had passed, and Jake still hadn't called me. But when I was able to concentrate on my normal life, this upset me; I missed him horribly. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my unsteady one. 

I'd half expected him to call on Monday. If there had been some progress with Embry, wouldn't he want to report it? I wanted to believe that it was worry for his friend that was occupying all his time, not that he was just giving up on me.

I called him Tuesday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems? Or had Billy invested in caller I.D.?

On Wednesday I called every two hours until eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Jake's voice.

Thursday I sat in my truck in front of my house – with the locks pushed down – keys in hand, for a solid twenty minutes. I was arguing with myself, trying to justify a quick trip to La Push, but I couldn't do it. But the worry was eating a hole in my stomach. 

That night, Charlie did me another favor and called Harry again to see if the Blacks were out of town. Harry reported that Billy had attended the council meeting Wednesday night, and never mentioned anything about leaving. Charlie warned me not to make a nuisance of myself – Jacob would call when he got around to it. 

Friday afternoon, as I drove home from school, it hit me out of the blue. 

I wasn't paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the engine deaden my brain and silence the worries, when my subconscious delivered a verdict it must have been working on for some time without me wanting to acknowledge it. 

When I laid the evidence out, it was embarrassingly obvious; Jacob was avoiding me. Charlie saying he looked strange, upset... Billy's vague, unhelpful answers. Holy fuck, I knew exactly what was going on with Jacob. 

It was Sam Uley. Even my dreams that he popped up in quite frequently lately, had been trying to tell me that. Sam had gotten to Jake. Whatever was happening to the other boys in the reservation had reached out and stolen him from me. He'd been sucked into Sam's cult. He hadn't given up on me at all, I realized with a sudden rush of feeling. 

I let my truck idle in front of my house. What should I do? I weighed the options against each other; If I went looking for Jacob, I risked the chance of being confronted by Sam and his followers, a potentially dangerous outcome. If I didn't go after him, Sam would pull him deeper into his frightening, compulsory gang. Maybe it would be too late if I didn't act soon. 

It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on – I knew what was going on. This was a rescue mission. I was going to talk to Jake – kidnap him if I had to. I'd once seen a PBS show on de-programming the brainwashed. There had to be some kind of cure. 

I decided I'd better call Charlie first. Maybe whatever was going on down in La Push was something the police should be involved in. I dashed inside, in a hurry to be on my way. 

Charlie himself answered the phone at the station. 

“Chief Swan.”

“Dad, it's Jordan.”

“What's wrong?”

“I'm worried about Jacob.” My voice was a bit unsteady.

“Why?” he asked, surprised by the unexpected topic. 

“I think... I think something weird is going on down at the reservation. Jake told me about some strange stuff happening with the other boys his age. Now he's acting the same way and I'm worried.”

“What kind of stuff?” He used his professional, police business voice. That was good; he was taking me seriously. 

“First he was scared, and then he was avoiding me, and now... I'm afraid he's part of that bizarre gang down there, Sam's gang. Like, Sam Uley, I mean.”

“Sam Uley?” Charlie repeated, surprised again. 

“Yes.”

Charlie's voice was more relaxed when he answered. “I think you've got it wrong, Jodie. Sam's a great kid. Well, I s'pose he's a man now... A good son. You should hear Billy talk about him. He's really doing wonders with the youth on the reservation. He's the one who-” Charlie broke off mid-sentence, and I guessed something had dawned on him. 

“Dad, it's not like that. Jake was legit  _ scared _ of him.”

“Did you talk to Billy about this?” His tone changed; He was trying to soothe me now. I'd lost him as soon as I'd mentioned Sam. 

“Billy doesn't care.”

“Well, son, I'm sure it's okay. Jacob's a kid; he was probably just messing around. I'm sure he's fine. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all.”

“This isn't about me.” I sighed, but the battle was lost. 

“I don't think you need to worry about this. Let Billy take care of his son.”

“Charlie...” My voice was starting to sound desperate. 

“Jodie, I got a lot on my plate right now. Two tourists have gone missing off a trail outside Crescent Lake.” There was an anxious edge to his voice. “This wolf problem is getting out of hand.”

I was momentarily distracted – stunned, really – by his news. Would the wolves have done the same to Kennedy and me if they hadn't gotten distracted?

“Are you sure that's what happened to them?” I asked. 

“Afraid so, honey. There was-” He hesitated. “There were tracks again, and... some blood this time.”

“Oh damn!” It must not have come to a confrontation, then. What I'd witnessed on the meadow with them specifically targeting Kennedy just got stranger and more impossible to understand.

“Look, I really have to go. Don't worry about Jake, okay? I'm sure it's nothing.”

“Fine.” I said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded me of the more urgent crisis at hand. “Bye.” I hang up.

I stared at the phone for a long minute. What the hell, I decided. 

Billy answered after two rings. 

“Hello?"

“Hey, Billy.” I almost growled. I tried to sound more friendly as I continued. “Can I talk to Jake, please?”

“Jacob's not here.”

What a shock. “Do you know where he is?”

“He's out with his friends.” Billy's voice was careful.

“Oh yeah? Anyone I know? Quil, maybe?” I could tell the words didn't come across the as casually as I'd meant them to. 

“No.” Billy said slowly. “I don't think he's with Quil today.”

I knew better than to mention Sam's name. 

“Embry?” I asked. 

Billy seemed happier to answer this one. “Yeah, he's with Embry.”

That was enough for me. Embry was one of them. 

“Well, have him call me when he gets in, all right?”

“Sure, sure. No problem.” Click. 

I drove to La Push determined to wait. I'd sit out front of his house all night if I had to. I'd miss school. The boy was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me. 

My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I'd been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation. 

Walking away, along the left side of the road, was a tall boy with a baseball cap. 

Upon seeing him I felt hopeful for a moment that I'd stumbled across Jacob without hardly trying. But this boy was too wide, and the hair was short under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Quil, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him. What was with these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them steroids?

I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached. Quil's expression shocked me more that it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry. 

“Oh, hey, Jordan.” he greeted me dully. 

“Hi, Quil... You okay?”

He stared at me morosely. “Fine.”

“Can I give you a ride somewhere?” I offered. 

“Sure, I guess.” he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in.  “Where to?”

“My house is on the north side, back behind the store.” he told me. 

“Have you seen Jake today?” The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking. 

I looked at Quil eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. “From a distance.” he finally said. 

“A distance?” I echoed. 

“I tried to follow them – he was with Embry.” His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. “I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone – I think Sam and his crew might have been with them. I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up.”

“So Sam did get to him.” The words were a little distorted – my teeth were gritted together. 

Quil stared at me. “You know about that?”

I nodded. “Jake told me... before.”

“Before.” Quil repeated, and sighed. 

“He's just as bad as the others now?”

“Never leaves Sam's side.” Quil turned his head and spit out the open window.

“And before that – did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?”

His voice was low and rough. “Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him.” 

“What do you think it is? Drugs or something?”

“I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that... but what do I know? I mean, what else could it be, right? But also, why aren't the old people worried?” He shook his head, and the fear showed in his eyes now. “Jake didn't want to be a part of this... cult. I don't understand what could change him.” He stared at me, his face frightened. “I don't want to be next.”

My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I'd heard it described as a cult. A chill ran down my spine. “Are you parents any help?”

He grimaced. “Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jake's dad. Sam Uley is the best thing that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned.”

We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in La Push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village's only store not too far ahead.

“I'll get out now.” Quil said. “My house is right over there.” He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over the to the shoulder, and he jumped out. 

“I'm gonna go and wait for Jake.” I told him in a hard voice. 

“Good luck.” He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped. 

Quil's face got stuck in my mind as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the Blacks'. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?

I stopped in front of Billy's house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait. 

A movement flashed in my peripheral vision – I turned and spotted Billy looking at me through the front window with a confused expression. I waved once and smiled a tight smile, but stayed where I was. His eyes narrowed; he let the curtain fall cross the glass. 

I was prepared to stay as long as it took, but I wished I had something to do. I dug up a pen out of the bottom of my backpack, and an old test. I started to doodle on the back of the scrap. 

I'd only had time to scrawl one row of diamonds when there was a sharp tap against my door. I jumped, looking up, expecting Billy. 

“What are you doing here, Jordan?” Jacob growled. 

I stared at him in blank astonishment; Jake had changed radically in the last weeks since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was that his hair, which used to fall over his chest in free strands, was now braided in complicated braids, feathers and leather bands woven into the inky blackness of it. The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened... aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow, His hands, where they gripped the window frame, looked enormous, with the tendons and veins more prominent under the russet skin. But the physical changes were insignificant. 

It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. The open, friendly smile was gone, the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing. There was a darkness in Jake now, I couldn't describe it any better.

He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry. 

I realized we weren't alone. Behind him stood four others; all tall and dark-skinned, black hair braided in traditional ways just like Jacob's. They could have been brothers – I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group. The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes. 

Every pair but one. The oldest by several years, Sam, stood in the very back, his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. I wanted to take a swing at him. No, I wanted to do more than that. More than anything, I wanted to put my hard trained-for muscle and be deadly, be someone no one would dare to fuck with. Someone who would scare the shit out of Sam Uley. 

The sudden violent urge caught me off guard. 

“What do you want?” Jake demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face. 

“I want to talk to you.” I said in a steady voice. I tried to focus, but I was still seething at the sight of Sam's nonchalant appearance. 

“Go ahead.” he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity – a physical pain, a stabbing in my chest. 

“Alone!” I hissed, and my voice left no room for arguments. 

Jake looked over his shoulder, and I knew where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sam's reaction. He nodded once, his face still neutral. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language – I could only guess that it was Quileute. He turned and walked into Jake's house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry, I assumed, followed him in. 

“Okay.” Jake seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer, but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners. 

I took a breath. “You know what I want to know.”

He didn't answer. He just stared at me bitterly. I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat. 

“Can we walk?” I asked. 

He didn't respond in any way; his face didn't change. 

I got out of the car, feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north. My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn't following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine. 

I felt better in the fringe of tress, where Sam couldn't possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just got more and more angry that Jake had gotten sucked in... that Billy allowed this... that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm... 

Jake suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily, and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too. 

I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Jake had been nearly as sturdy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. So how did he move so smoothly?

But he didn't give me time to think about it.

“Let's get this over with.” He said in a hard, husky voice. 

I waited. He knew what I wanted. 

“It's not what you think.” His voice was abruptly weary. “It's not what I thought – I was way off.” 

“So what is it, then?”

He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his eyes. “I can't tell you.” he finally said. 

My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. “I thought we were friends.” 

“We were.” There was a slight emphasis on the past tense. 

“But you don't need friends anymore.” I said sourly. “You have Sam. Isn't that nice – you've always looked up to him so much.”

“I didn't understand him before.”

“And now you've seen the light? Hallelujah.”

“It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can.” His voice turned brittle and he looked over my shoulder, past me, rage burning out from his eyes. 

“He's helping you.” I repeated dubiously. “Naturally.”

But Jacob didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking. 

“Jake, please.” I whispered. “Maybe I can help.”

“No one can help me now.” The words were a low moan; his voice broke. 

“What did he do to you?” I demanded, rage starting to build up inside my own chest. I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my arms wide. 

This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. “Don't touch me.” he whispered. 

“Is Sam watching?” 

“Stop blaming Sam!” The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around a braid by his ear, and then fell limply at his sides again.

“Then who should I blame?” I retorted. 

He halfway smiled; it was a bleak twisted thing. 

“You don't want to hear that.”

“The hell I don't!” I snapped. “Fucking tell me, Black!”

“You're wrong!” He snapped back. 

“Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong – I'm not the one got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!”

“You asked for it.” He growled at me, eyes glinting hard. “If you want to blame someone, point your finger at the goddamn vampires that infested Forks!”

My mouth fell open and my mind went blank. Vampires? As in, actual- I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury.

“Told you that you didn't want to hear it.” he said. 

“I- I don't- What?” 

He raised an eyebrow. “I think you know exactly what I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't want to hurt you.”

“Are you completely fucking nuts?” I said and I wanted to spit it out with vigor, accusing and raging, but instead I just sounded baffled. 

“The Newtons.” he said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing my face as he spoke it. “Mike's daughter, specifically. That's why he wanted you to take her on a date. That's why her and I disliked each other off the bat.”

I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. What the fuck was he on to say this? And how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of junkies that believed in vampires and hated them? Why would Jake believe stories like that, especially about someone he had met in person?

It took me a moment before I remembered that vampires were tied into Quileute legends. For a moment I was relieved, thinking he'd just taken up the tribe's beliefs. “Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now.” I said with a feeble attempt at mockery. Maybe that was insensitive of me, but the whole situation was fucked up already. 

“He knows more than I gave him credit for.”

“Be serious, Jake.”

He glared at me, his eyes critical. 

“Superstitions aside,” I said quickly, “I still don't see what you're accusing Jenny of. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?”

“Sam isn't doing anything, Jordan. But sometimes... things are set in motion, and then it's too late.”

“What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?”

He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. “For existing.” he hissed. 

_ Shut up, Jordan. Don't push him,  _ a voice in my head told me. 

Jacob was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger. He was livid, but he was still Jake. I didn't feel like I was in any danger. 

“You're being ridiculous.” I told him. 

“Fine.” Jake answered, breathing deeply again. “I won't argue with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done.”

“What damage?” He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face. 

“Let's head back. There's nothing more to say.”

I couldn't believe just how angry he could make me. “There's everything more to say! You haven't fucking told me  _ jackshit _ yet!”

He walked past me, striding back toward the house. 

“I ran into Quil today.” I yelled after him. 

He paused mid-step, but didn't turn.

“You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's fuckin' terrified, buddy.”

Jake whirled to face me. His expression was pained. “Quil.” was all he said. 

“He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out.” 

Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes. 

I goaded him further. “He's frightened that he's next.”

Jake clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface. “He won't be next.” Jacob muttered to himself. “He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?” His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows. 

Jake stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.

“I have to get back.” He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to jog to keep up. 

“Back to Sam!”

“That's one way of looking at it.” it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away.

I chased him back to the truck. “Wait!” I called as he turned toward the house. 

He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again. 

“Go home, Jordan. I can't hang out with you anymore.”

The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. Tears of anger threatened to well up in my throat. “Are you... breaking up with me?” The words were all wrong, but in my anger they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. I didn't know what exactly it was, but it was  _ more _ . Stronger. 

He barked out a bitter laugh. “Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends'. I can't even say that.”

“Why? Now he won't even let you have other friends? Come on, man! You promised! You said you liked me-”

“I'm sorry, Jordan.” Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him. 

I didn't believe that this was really what he wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn't understand the message.

Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with Quileute legends. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation. Maybe I should let him do that, if that's what was best for him. I should do that. It would be right. 

But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper. “I'm sorry that I couldn't... before.” I was desperate, reaching, stretching my fingers so far into this unknown territory that I was close to lying. “Maybe... Maybe it will change.” I whispered. “Maybe, if you gave me some time... just don't quit on me now, Jake.”

His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached out toward me. 

“No. Don't think like that, Jordan, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me, I swear, it's about you. I mean it, Jordan, I'm not...” he struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotion. His eyes looked tortured. “I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good.”

“What?” I stared at him, confused and appalled. “What are you fucking saying? Do you hear yourself? Jake, you are good! Who told you you aren't? Sam? That's a fucking lie, man! Don't let him tell you that!” I was suddenly yelling again. 

Jake's face went hard and flat. “No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am.”

“You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake – don't!”

He was backing away from me. 

“I'm sorry, Jordan.” He said again; this time it was a broken mumble. He turned and almost ran into the house. 

I was unable to move from where I stood. I stared at the little house; it looked too small to hold fur large boys and two larger men. There was no reaction inside. No flutter at the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced me vacantly. 

The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against my skin. I couldn't take my eyes off the house. Jacob would come back. He had to. I basically begged him to love me and let me love him in return. I knew it was mostly me trying to keep him from Sam but Kennedy had been right with what he said in the woods; Not even Selena could match Jake. 

The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. I could smell the brine from the ocean. My hair stuck to the back of my neck, guiding the rain droplets down the back of my shirt. I waited. 

Finally the door opened, and I took a step forward in relief. Billy rolled his chair into the door frame. I could see no one behind him. 

“Charlie just called, Jordan. I told him you were on your way home.” His eyes were full of pity. 

The pity made it final somehow. I didn't comment. I just turned robotically and climbed in my truck. I'd left the windows open and the seats were slick and wet. It didn't matter – I was already soaked. 

Charlie was waiting on the porch. As I rolled to a stop, he walked out to meet me.  “Billy called. He said you got in a fight with Jake – said you were pretty upset.” he explained as he opened my door for me. 

Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified expression changed his eyes. 

“That's not exactly how it happened.” I muttered. 

I got out of the truck and Charlie closed the door behind me. He didn't comment on my sodden clothes. 

“Then what did happen?” He asked when we were inside. He pulled the quilt off the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders. I realized I was shivering. 

My voice was flat. “Sam Uley says Jake can't be my friend anymore.”

Charlie shot me a strange look. “Who told you that?”

“Jacob.” I stated, though that wasn't exactly what he'd said. It was still true. 

Charlie's eyebrows pulled together. “You really think there's something wrong with the Uley kid?”

“I know there is. Jake wouldn't tell me what, though.” I could hear the water from my clothes dripping to the floor and splashing on the hardwood. “I'll go change.”

Charlie was lost in thought. “Okay.” he said absently. 

I decided to take a shower because I was so cold, but the hot water didn't seem to affect the temperature of my skin. I felt only mildly better when I shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Charlie talking to someone downstairs. I wrapped a towel around me, and cracked the bathroom door. 

Charlie's voice was angry. “I'm not buying that. It doesn't make any sense.”

It was quiet then, and I realized he was on the phone. A minute passed. 

“Don't you put this on Jordan!” Charlie suddenly shouted. 

I flinched. When he spoke again, his voice was careful and lower. “Jordan's never told me about anything like that... Well, if that was it, then why didn't you say so at first? No, Billy, I think he's right about this... Because I know my son, and he knows Jake, and if he says Jacob was scared before-” He was cut off mid-sentence, and when he answered he was almost shouting again.

“What do you mean I don't know my kid as well as I think I do!” He listened for a brief second, and his response was almost too low for me to hear. “Of course he could be in love but I don't see why he wouldn't tell me. We talk about everything. Have you maybe thought about that it could be mutual? You're my friend, Billy, but this is a family matter now.”

There was another break for Billy to respond. 

“You got that right – those boys set one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. We'll be keeping an eye on the situation, you can be sure of that.” He was no longer Charlie; he was Chief Swan now. 

“Fine. Yeah. Goodbye.” The phone slammed into the cradle.

I tiptoed quickly across the hall into my room. Charlie was muttering angrily in the kitchen. 

So Billy was going to blame me. I was leading Jacob on and he'd finally had enough. 

It was strange because I' feared that myself, but after the last thing Jake had said this afternoon, I didn't believe it anymore. There was much more to this than an unrequited crush, and it surprised me that Billy would stoop to claiming that. It made me think that whatever secret they were keeping was bigger than I'd been imagining. At least Charlie was on my side now, even if the talk we'd inevitably have to have about this was going to be awkward and confusing. 

I had a weird dream that night; Rain was falling and Jake walked soundlessly beside me, though beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel. But he wasn't the Jacob I knew; he was the new, bitter, graceful Jacob. The smoothness of his walk reminded me of something I couldn't put my finger on, and, as I watched, his features started to change. The russet color of his skin leached away, leaving his face pale white like bone. I reached for him, but he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield. And then he vanished. 

I wasn't sure, when I woke in the dark, if I'd just begun crying, or if my tears had run while I slept and simply continued now. I stared at my dark ceiling. I could tell that it was the middle of the night – I was still half-asleep, maybe more than half. I closed my eyes wearily and hoped for a dreamless sleep. 

That's when I heard the noise that must have awakened me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against the glass. 


	10. Intruder

My eyes flew wide open with shock, though I was so exhausted and muddled that I was not yet positive whether I was awake or asleep.

Something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound. Confused and clumsy with sleep, I stumbled out of my bed and to the window, blinking the lingering tears from my eyes on the way. 

A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it was going to smash right through. I staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream. 

The wolf. 

Did it come for me? Was I going to die? Charlie?

I choked back the scream. I would have to keep quiet through this, somehow. I had to keep Charlie from coming to investigate. 

And then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape. “Jordan!” It hissed. “Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OW!”

I needed two seconds to shake off the horror before I could move, but then I hurried to the window and shoved the glass out of the way. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense of the shapes. 

“What are you doing?” I whisper-shouted. 

Jacob Black was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Charlie’s little front yard. His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung – his legs dangling twenty feet above the ground – not a yard away from me. The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal.

“I’m trying to keep-“, he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced beneath him, “my promise!”

I blinked my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that I was dreaming. 

“When did you ever promise to fucking kill yourself falling out of my dad’s tree?”

He snorted, unamused, swinging his legs to improve his balance. “Get out of the way!” He ordered. 

“What?”

He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. I realized what he was trying to do, but before I could object, I ducked to the side because it was too late. With a grunt he launched himself toward my open window. 

Like in trance I could only stand there and wait for him to fall to his death – or at least main himself against the wooden siding. To my amazement he swung agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with a low thud. 

We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken my father. A short moment of silence passed, and then he we heard the muffled sound of Charlie’s snore from across the hallway. 

A wide grin spread slowly across Jake’s face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. It wasn’t the grin that I knew and loved – it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on the new face that belonged to Sam. 

That was a bit much for me. I’d almost cried myself to sleep over this dude. His harsh rejection had punched a painful hole into my chest. And now he was here in my room, smirking at me as if none of that had happened. 

All of this, coupled with the fact that I was dog-tired, did not put me in a friendly mood. 

“Get out!” I hissed, putting as much venom into the whisper as I could. 

He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. 

"No.” he protested. “I came to apologize.”

I didn’t want to listen; I tried to shove him back towards the window, signalizing him to leave the way he came. But it was useless – he didn’t budge an inch. I dropped my hands quickly, and stepped away from him. 

He wasn’t wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in from the window was cold enough to give me goosebumps, and it made me uncomfortable to have my hands on his bare chest. His skin was burning hot, like his head had been the last time I’d touched him. Like he was still sick with the fever. 

He didn’t look sick. He looked radiantly healthy, if anything. He leaned towards me, tongue-tied by my furious reaction. His face was overcome with anguish.

“I-I’m so sorry, Jordan.” He stammered, his hands raised to show he meant no harm. The apology was sincere, I could tell, though there was still an angry twist to his features. 

“I don’t want apologies from you, Black. Especially not at, what-“, I took a quick glance at my clock, “two in the morning!”

“I know.” He whispered. “But I couldn’t leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “I don’t get it.”

“I know. I want to explain-“ He broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air. Then he sucked in a deep breath. “But I can’t explain.” He said, still angry. “I wish I could.”

“Why?” I sighed. I wasn’t sure if I could believe a word he said at this point. 

He was quiet for a moment. I twisted my head to the side- too tired to hold it up – to see his expression. It surprised me; His eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, his forehead wrinkled in effort. He looked like an old man. 

“What’s wrong?”

He exhaled heavily, and I realized he’d been holding his breath. “I can’t do it.” He muttered, frustrated. 

“Do what?” I felt myself getting angry again over this back and forth. 

He ignored my question. “Look, man, haven’t you ever had a secret that you couldn’t tell anyone?” He pressed. “Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom…? Something you won’t even talk about with me? Not even now?”

My eyes narrowed. I didn’t answer his question, though I knew he would take that as a confirmation. 

“Can you understand that I might be in the same kind of…situation?” He was struggling again, seeming to fight for the right words. “Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes it’s not your secret to tell.”

I suspected he talked about Sam and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t argue with that. I had the same moral views. 

“I don’t know why you came here, Jake, when all you’re gonna do is give me riddles instead of answers.” 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “This is so frustrating.”

We looked at each other for a long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless. 

“The part that kills me,” he said abruptly, “is that you already know! I already told you everything!”

“What, is this about your feelings?” 

He sucked in a startled breath, caught off guard by my mentioning of his crush. But then he leaned toward me, his face shifting from surprise to blazing intensity in a second. He stared into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. He spoke the words right into my face; his breath was as hot as his skin. 

“I think I see a way to make this work out – because you know this, Jodie! I can’t tell you, but if you guessed it, that’d let me right off the hook!”

“Guess what? Jake, what the fuck are you-“

“My secret!” He interrupted me. “You know the answer, just remember!”

I blinked twice, trying to clear my head. I was so goddamn tired. Nothing he said made sense. I became annoyed. 

He took in my exhausted expression, then his face tensed with effort again. “Hold on, let me see if I can give you some help.” He said. Whatever he was trying to do, it was so hard he was panting. “Yes, like clues!”

He took my face in his rough, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his. He stared into my eyes while he whispered, as if to communicate something besides the words he spoke. 

“Remember the first time we met again when you moved back to Forks? On the beach in La Push?”

“I guess so?”

“Tell me about it.”

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. “You asked about my truck…”

He nodded, urging me on. 

“We talked about the Rabbit…”

“Keep going.”

“We went for a walk down the beach…” My face was growing hut under his palms as I remembered. I’d asked him to walk with me, asked about his heritage. 

He nodded, anxious for more. 

“You told me weird stories… Quileute legends.”

He closed his eyes and opened them again. “Yes.” The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. He spoke slowly, making each word distinct. “Do you remember what I said? Think hard.”

“Yes, I remember.”

He inhaled deeply, struggling. “Do you remember all the stor-“ He couldn’t finish the question. His mouth popped open like something was stuck in his throat. 

“All the stories?” I asked. He nodded mutely.

My head churned. A whirlwind of all sorts of beliefs and crazy-sounding stuff came to my mind, including a tale of vampires, but I couldn’t remember any specifics. I started to shake my head. 

Jake groaned and jumped off the bed. He pressed his fists against his forehead and breathed fast and angry. “You know this, you _know_ this.” He muttered to himself. 

“Jake, come on, man, I’m dead-tired.” I tried to calm him. “I’m no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…”

He took a steadying breath and nodded. “Maybe it will come back to you.” He let himself fall back onto the mattress beside me. “You can’t imagine how tight I’m bound…”

I didn’t like that, the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound. More than dislike – I realized I hated it, I hated to see him so tormented. 

Sam’s face grew clear in my mind. To me, loyalty had always been something done out of love. For Jake, though, it didn’t seem to be that way. 

“Isn’t there any way for you to get outta this?” I whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

His hands began to tremble, but he didn’t open his eyes. “No. I’m in this for life. A life sentence.” A bleak laugh. “Longer, maybe.”

“No, Jake.” I said resolutely. I didn’t want to hear any of this anymore. We needed to act. “What if we run away? Just you and me, fuck Sam, fuck all the others.”

“It’s not something I can run away from, Jordan.” He whispered. “I would run with you, though, if I could.” His shoulders were shaking now, too. He took a deep breath. “Look, I’ve got to leave.”

The anger flashed inside me. “God, I fucking hate these idiots!”

Jake looked at me then with wide eyes, surprised. “No, Jordan, don’t hate the guys. It’s not Sam’s or any of the others’ faults. I told you before – it’s me. Sam is actually… well, incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great, too, but, well, I mean, Paul is kinda… And Embry’s always been my friend. Nothing’s changed there – the only thing that hasn’t changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam.”

I glared at him in disbelief, but let it go. 

“But I’m not supposed to see you. It’s not safe. I have to go.” He looked at me. “But I made you promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.

He saw the confusion on my face. “After that stupid movie,” he reminded me. “I promised you that I’d always be there for you. So I really blew it this afternoon, didn’t I?”

“I mean, I didn’t really believe you meant it. It’s okay, dude, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks, man.” He patted my thigh once. “It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Jodie. Put some effort into it.” He got up. “And I’ll try to see you soon. And they’ll try to talk me out of it.”

“Well, don’t listen to them.”

Jake ignored my comment. “Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out.” He headed for the window. 

“Don’t be that guy, man.” I rolled my eyes. “You’ll break something. Use the door like a normal person, alright? Charlie’s not gonna wake up.”

“I won’t get hurt.” He muttered, but he turned for the door. He hesitated as he passed me, staring at me with an expression like something was stabbing him. If it wasn’t so sad to watch, I’d call him over-dramatic. He held one hand out, pleading. 

I took it, thinking to shake it, when suddenly he yanked me – too roughly – right off the bed so that I thudded against his chest. 

“Just in case.” He muttered into my neck, crushing me in a bear hug that felt like it was going to break my ribs. Then he let go off me at once and was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly, disappearing through it. I listened for him to hit the squeaky step in the stairs, but there was no sound. 

I lay back on my bed, my head spinning. I was too confused, too worn out. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of all that’s happened, trying to push the lingering sensation of Jake’s hug off my skin. I honestly couldn’t remember for the life of me what he told me on that day at the beach that could be so relevant to his situation now, but I wanted to find out. 

I had a strange dream that night, one I’d had before; I was in the forest again, the one where Sam Uley would stand threateningly in the distance, watching me. Except this time, he was nowhere to be seen. I started to wander the forest. 

I felt no compulsion to wander or search; I was merely walking out of habit, it seemed like. Then I realized the forest changed into a different one. The smell turned different, and the light, too. It smelled not like the damp earth of the woods, but like the brine of the ocean. I couldn’t see the sky; Still, it seemed like the sun must be shining – the leaves above were bright jade green.   
This was the forest around La Push, near the beach there, I was sure of it. I knew that if I found the beach, I would be able to see the sun, so I hurried forward, following the faint sound of waves in the distance.   
And then Jacob was there. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.   
“ Jake, what’s wrong?” I asked. His face was the frightened face of a boy, and his hair was falling over his shoulders again, free of any braids. He yanked with all his strength, but I resisted; I didn’t want to go into the dark.   
“ Run, Jordan, you have to run!” he whispered, terrified.   
A light was coming toward me from the beach. Jake dropped my hand and yelped. Shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet.   
“ Jake!” I screamed, but he was gone.   
In his place was an enormous, red-brown wolf with dark, intelligent eyes. It was the gigantic, bigger than a bear wolf that I stood half a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago.   
It stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his eyes. The black-brown, familiar eyes of Jacob Black. 

I woke up with a startled jolt, sitting up straight in between sweaty bed sheets. 

I remembered it all now – every word that Jake had said to me that day on the beach, even the part with the vampires, the “cold ones”.

“ _Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from? The Quileute, I mean?” he asked._

“ _Not really.” I admitted. They used to teach us about our Native ancestors in elementary school but I spent three out of four school years in Arizona._

“ _Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood – supposedly, the ancient Quileute tied their canoes to the tops of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive, like Noah and the ark.” He smiled then, to show me how little stock he put in the histories. “Another legend says that we descended from wolves – and that the wolves are our brothers still. It’s against tribal law to kill them.”_

_His voice dropped a little lower. “Then there are the stories about the cold ones.”_

“ _The cold ones?” I asked. I was amused and intrigued at the same time._

“ _Yes. There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land.” Jake rolled his eyes._

“ _Your great-grandfather?”_

“ _He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemy of the wolf – well, not the wolf really, but the wolves that turn into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves.”_

“ _Werewolves have enemies?”_

“ _Only one.” Jake said in mock theatricality._ “ _Werewolf.” I mused. I’d heard many stories of Native Americans having had spiritual experiences with animals, most of which were told in such a way that they seemed plausible to me. I never questioned them, because I never questioned their faith and spirits. But werewolves? And vampires? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters like Bigfoot? Could every fairytale from my grandmother’s book be grounded somewhere in truth?_

But Jacob? Now, here? Jacob, who was just that, him, and nothing more? Jake, my childhood friend? I wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, the absurdity of even contemplating that it could be true. But something kept me from it, something inside me took the unusually big wolves Kennedy and I’d seen in the woods as evidence. A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic wolves, one of them having – seemingly – Jake’s eyes…

Suddenly I was in a frantic hurry. I glanced at the clock – it was way too early but I didn’t care. I needed to go to La Push now. I had to see Jake so he could tell me that I hadn’t lost my mind, that these stories related to his secret in a less obvious way. 

I put on the first clean clothes I could find and took the stairs three at a time. I almost ran into Charlie as I skidded into the hallway, headed for the door. 

“Where are you going?” he asked, as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“Yeah. I have to go see Jake.”

“I thought the thing with Sam-“

“Don’t matter, have to talk to him right now.”

“It’s pretty early.” He frowned when my expression didn’t change. “Don’t you want breakfast?”

“Not hungry.” He was blocking my path to the exit. I could have just pushed him out of the way, he was shorter than me, slimmer, but I knew I would have to explain to him later if I made a run for it now. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Charlie frowned. “Straight to Jake’s house, right? No stops on the way?”

“Where would I stop?” 

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “It’s just… well, there’s been another attack. The wolves again. It was real close to the resort by the hot springs – there’s a witness this time. He was only a dozen yards from the road when he disappeared. His wife saw a huge wolf just a few minutes later, while she was searching for him, and ran for help.” Charlie’s face was pained. “There’s no sign of him – just a little blood again. The rangers are going out armed, and they’re taking volunteers with them. There’s a lot of eager hunters out there – they set up a reward for wolf carcasses. That’s gonna be a lot of firepower in the woods, and it worries me.” He shook his head. “When people get too excited, accidents happen…"

“They going to shoot the wolves?”

“What else can we do? You aren’t turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?”I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know quite why it worried me so much. Did I believe these werewolf stories after all? No, I didn’t – but as long as I couldn’t disprove them, I’d rather be safe than sorry. But I’d forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints… I hadn’t connected those facts to the idea of werewolves. 

“Look, honey, I just want you to be careful, okay? Don’t let this scare you, but stay in town or on the highway. No stops, alright?” He reached up to ruffle my hair.

“Okay.” I said flatly.

“I gotta go, Jordan. Be safe.”

I looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hiking boots on. 

“You aren’t going out there after the wolves, are you, Dad?”

“I’ve got to help, kid. People are disappearing.” After observing my face, he quickly added: “I’ll be fine.” He turned for the door, and held it open. “You leaving?”

I nodded and stepped out into the rain, my father behind me. The door fell into its lock with a loud thud.


	11. Killer

I still wrestled with the idea of werewolves as I drove down the forest-lined highway to La Push. What if he really was one? Did that mean he and his friends, his… _pack_ , were roaming the woods, killing innocent hikers? I couldn’t be friends with a killer, much less _date_ one, and say nothing, let the murders continue…

With surprise I realized that I had, in fact, begun to think of Jake that way – romantic interest. But that was fresh and new in my mind, an idea more than anything, a concept I would have to try out and get used to. But it was overshadowed now by something much stranger to think about, something that would take even more getting used to. 

I pulled up to the Blacks’ house with my mouth pressed together into a hard line. It was hard enough to seriously think of my best friend as a werewolf. But could he be a killer, too? 

The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didn’t care if I woke them. My fist pounded against the front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated through the walls. 

“Come in.” I heard Billy call after a moment, and a light flicked on. 

I twisted the door knob; it was unlocked. Billy was leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic. 

“Well, good morning, Jordan. What are you doing up so early?”

“Hey, Billy. I need to talk to Jake. Where is he?”

“Uh… I don’t really know.” He lied, straight-faced. 

“Alright, I know you got a problem with me.” I said, sick of the never-ending stalling. “But Jake asked me to come see him as soon as I found out y’all’s little secret.” It was a semi-bluff because I still wasn’t too sure what exactly I’d found out, but apparently I was convincing enough; Billy’s expression flickered, and then went blank. He pursed his lips for a long moment. 

“I’d bet he’s still asleep.” He finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. “He’s out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest – probably shouldn’t wake him.”

I nodded and went anyway. Billy sighed. 

Jacob’s tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didn’t bother to knock; I threw the door open and it slammed against the wall with a bang. 

Jake – still wearing just the same dark swim trunks he’d worn last night – was on his stomach, stretched out across the small single bed, his limbs hanging over the edge by quite a bit. The dreamcatchers hanging from a small cabinet over his bed brushed their feathers over the back of his head. 

Jake was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. The sound of the door hadn’t even made him twitch. His face was peaceful with deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out. There were circles under his eyes that I hadn’t noticed before. Despite his size, he looked very young now, and very weary. It was pitiful. 

I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me. Billy stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room. 

“I think I’ll let him get some rest.”

Billy nodded, and then we looked at each other for a moment. I was dying to ask him about his part in all of this chaos. I could see he had some questions of his own, but he didn’t voice them either. 

“Look.” I said, breaking the thick silence. “I’ll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tell him I’m waiting for him, okay?”

“Sure, sure.” Billy agreed. I wondered if he really would. 

I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot. It was still dark with rainy dawn, and when I cut the headlights it was heard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my varsity jacket. At least the rain stopped. 

I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn’t see St. James or the other islands, just the vague shape of the water’s edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me. 

I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when it was just a few feet away; a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I couldn’t be sure that it was the same tree where Jake and I had had out first conversation about the Quileute, but it seemed to be in about the same place. I sat down where I thought to remember I’d sat before, and stared out across the invisible sea. 

Seeing Jake like that – innocent and vulnerable in his sleep – had dissolved all my anger. I still couldn’t turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldn’t condemn Jake for it either. When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt a sudden urge to protect him. I brooded over the memory of his face, so childlike as it was, trying to come up with some answer, some way to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray. 

“Hey, Jodie.”

Jake’s voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I’d been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so it still startled me. I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise.

“Jake.”

He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously. 

“Billy told me you came by – didn’t take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out.”

“Yeah, I remember the stories.”

He started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feet on the rocks behind the sounds of the waves. The rocks had clattered like castanets for me. 

“Why did you come?” His voice was acidic, his stride angry. “You could’ve just called, as I told-“

“I thought it would be better face-to-face.” 

He snorted. “Oh yeah, much better.”

I thought ‘to hell with it’ and gave it a shot. This would be hit or miss, a shot in the dark, but I wanted to get the ridiculous option out of the way, wanted to hear from him that I’d misunderstood him the other night. “Jake, if you’re trying to tell me what I think you are, I gotta warn you-“

“About the rangers and the hunters? Don’t worry about it, we already know.”

The serious tone of his behavior was the confirmation I didn’t want to look for. He wouldn’t be able to stay this serious if it was all just an elaborate prank. So I had to accept this, even if I didn’t understand – 

“So you’re a motherfucking _werewolf_ , is that right?” I yelled and jumped up from the tree. I felt ridiculous for even asking that question. 

The sun turned the clouds above us into a silvery pink. I could see his expression now; it was angry, frustrated, betrayed. He threw his hands up in the air. “Like I have a choice about it!” he shouted. 

I couldn’t help but laugh. This was too much for me to comprehend. I wanted proof, right then and there - I didn’t want to accept that both of us had gone insane. “Then _do_ it, if you’re serious, fucking _change_ or whatever you do!”

He shook his head and took a step back. “I- I can’t…It only happens when I get real mad. And it’s not safe. You could get hurt.”

“Oh yeah, like those hikers in the woods?”

“That’s not on us, Jordan!” He looked at me in disbelief. “That’s the bloodsuckers. There’s more than just Jenny.”

“So they’re the killers?” What would I make of all this? He wasn’t kidding, I knew that much – I could tell that the fright sat deep inside his bones. He was convinced of his story. 

Jake nodded; his teeth clenched together, and he spoke through them. “There was another one. I thought Jenny would want to fight us – in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill their mate – but she just keeps fucking running away, and then coming back again. If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense. She keeps dancing around the edges, like she’s testing our defenses, as if she’s looking for a way in. But in where? Where’s she want to go? Sam thinks she’s trying to separate us, so she’ll have a better chance…”

He trailed off and my mind was racing. Jenny, the girl I’d taken out, my boss’s daughter, a cold-blooded killer? Or, rather, a _bloodless_ killer? Was she really out there, murdering strangers in the woods? The woods where Charlie was searching…

“My dad.” I stated and I didn’t have to – or want to – say more. Jacob nodded, his face suddenly serious and business-like. 

“No need to worry, Jodie. We’re going to take care of this. And we’re keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others – we won’t let anything happen to him. Trust me on that.”

 _Trust_ him. I didn’t, of course not, this whole story was too wild for me still, I couldn’t believe it. At first I didn’t care about it too much because I thought Jake had just taken on his tribe’s beliefs, which was fine, and taken it to the extreme very quickly. But now I didn’t know what to think anymore – Jake used to be so scared of it all. He called Sam and his boys a cult. He spoke of them as if they were one. Now he seemed completely brainwashed, erratic behavior, genuinely believing in werewolves and vampires… And he had almost managed to pull me into it as well. For the first time in my life I really understood how easy it was to manipulate people into joining cults. 

But none of that mattered in the very moment because all I could worry about was Charlie. It hadn’t really alarmed me before because I didn’t think about it too hard, but now I was really worried; Charlie in the woods with armed volunteers, scared citizens ready to shoot at sight of any movement. Charlie in the woods shouting and sweating and leaving scent traces for the wolves to find him. They’d taken up my own scent already – surely his didn’t differ much from mine.

“I gotta go and get him outta there.” I said, already reaching for the car keys in my pocket. 

Jake put a hand on my chest. “What good are you if you get hurt in the woods?” He shook his head. “Nah, come back to the house with me.” He frowned, thought for a moment. “I’ll call a meeting with the others. Wait here just a second.”

“Where are you-“ I started but he interrupted me. “I’ll be right back.” He promised. Then he turned and sprinted across the beach sand as if it were a paved road. In the foggy distance I could see him run into the forest, swift and sleek as a deer. 

I got angry – I had no time for his fairytale nonsense. My father was out there, possibly in danger. I didn’t care about anything else. 

I made my way back to the parking lot, as fast as the sand would allow to carry my weight. I climbed into the truck and was about to start the motor, when a sharp rap on the door’s window made me flinch. It was Jacob, back already. I opened the passenger side’s door for him. 

“You’re really worried, aren’t you?” he asked as he got in. “Usually you ain’t that jumpy.”

“Lost in thought.” I said coolly. “Where’d you go?” 

He pursed his lips, and said nothing. 

I rolled my eyes. “What, another secret?”

He frowned. "Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out.

“Jake.”

Jacob grinned back easily. "Okay, okay.” He raised his hands in mock defense. “When we're wolves, we can. . . hear each other."

I just stared at him, trying to keep calm. 

"Not hear sounds," he went on, "but we can hear, like, each other’s thoughts. No matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing-having no secrets like that. Freaky, huh?"

The bottom lid of my left eye twitched aggressively. “Bro, I swear to God-“ Did I really have to punch him? Was that enough to snap him out of his fever dream?

“Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes." He cut me off. Had he not realized that I grew tired of this shit, he sure had now.

I just looked at him for a moment, completely baffled that he still expected me to go with him instead of looking for Charlie. Then I started the truck and headed back up the road. 

"So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" I asked.

Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. He ducked his head, as if ashamed, as if finally understanding how absurd all of this sounded. "I kept it real short - I tried not to think about you so they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."

“Oh, he can fuck off.” I scoffed. My teeth clenched together when I heard his name. Despite Jake’s repeated efforts, I wasn’t going to give up my perception of Sam being a brainwashing bitch. 

“Yeah, well, not really.” Jake said, morose now. “He's... the head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something - when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him. Remember how I couldn't finish my sentences last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole story? Sam told me I couldn't tell you. So I literally couldn’t.”

"Weird." I muttered. 

"Very." he agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing." 

"Huh." was the best response I could think of.

"Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that - wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam, trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support." He lowered his voice. "When I... changed, it was the most... horrible, the most terrifying thing I've ever been through - worse than anything I could have imagined. It hurt like fucking hell all the time. I was hot one second and cold the next, it was like being boiled alive and then thrown into a frozen lake. My head was just chaos, y’know? But I wasn't alone - their voices were there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do. That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam..." He shook his head. "Sam had no help.”

I looked over at Jake then, his eyebrows knit together and deep empathy clear on his face. That was the moment, when I heard and saw him as I’d never witness it before, in which my steadfast atheism began to crumble. Not much, barely noticeable, even, just a tiny bit at the fundament, as if a rat was eating its way through. That small, rat-sized part of me started to believe Jake. 

At least enough to let him convince me to meet with the rest of the “pack” before going back to town. 

We were on the little dirt road where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle. 

"This good?" I asked. 

"Sure, sure." 

I pulled over and cut the engine.We waited in a car for a moment, then Jake sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here. Let's go."

“And they won’t have a problem with me being here?” I asked as he popped his door open. 

“They’ll deal with it.” He grinned.


	12. Family

I stood close to Jacob, my eyes scanning the forest for the other guys.  When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they were shirtless and barefoot and I rolled my eyes at the showing off. 

Again, they reminded me of brothers, quadruplets. Something about the way they moved almost in synchronization to stand across the road from us, the way they all had the same long, round muscles under the same tan skin, the same black hair, and the way their expressions altered at exactly the same moment. They started out curious and cautious. When they saw me there beside Jake, they all became furious in the same second. 

Sam was the tallest, though Jacob was getting close to catching up with him. Sam didn't really count as a boy. His face was older - not in the sense of lines or signs of aging, but in the maturity, the patience of his expression. 

"What have you done, Jacob?" he demanded.

One of the others, one I didn't recognize - Jared or Paul - thrust past Sam and spoke before Jacob could defend himself. "Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob?" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell are you thinking? Is he more important than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"

They obviously didn’t want me to get involved in their secret organization. Jacob lowered his head, as if ashamed. 

"He’s human!" the angry boy shouted, spitting the words like insults. His arms began to quiver. "Do you want us to be exposed to all of mankind?"

"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded in a strong voice that even I respected. 

Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate.

"Jeez, Paul," one of the other boys - probably Jared - muttered. "Get a grip."

Paul twisted his head toward Jared, his lips curling back in irritation, then shifted his glare in my direction. Jake took a step to put himself in front of me. That did it. 

"Right, protect him!" Paul roared in outrage. A shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.

"Paul!" Sam and Jake shouted in unison. 

Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and he literally exploded. Dark silver fur blew out from his body, forming into a shape more than five times his size - a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.

The wolf’s muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, enraged eyes focused on me. In the same second, Jacob was running across the road straight for the monster. 

"Jake!" I yelled.

Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down his spine and he leaped forward, diving headfirst into the empty air.

Suddenly he exploded, too. He burst out of his skin - shreds of black and white cloth blasted up into the air. It happened so quickly that if I'd blinked, I'd have missed the entire transformation. One second it was Jacob diving into the air, and then it was the gigantic, russet brown wolf - so enormous that I couldn't make sense of its mass somehow fitting inside Jacob - charging the crouched silver beast.

It looked like Jake met the wolf’s attack head-on. Their angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees. The black and white scraps - the remains of Jake's clothes - fluttered to the ground where he'd disappeared.

I couldn’t make sense of it. This overwhelmed my brain to the point where I was unable to do anything but just stand and stare. What the fuck did I just witness? 

Proof that Jake, Billy, and the entirety of the Quileute legends didn’t lie. Those were two actual werewolves, having transformed right in front of my very eyes. 

I felt sick to my stomach. 

"Jacob!" I called again, stumbling forward as if I could stop them.

"Stay where you are, Jordan!" Sam ordered. It was hard to hear him over the roar of the fighting wolves. They were snapping and tearing at each other, their sharp teeth flashing toward each other's throats. The wolf that I thought to be Jake seemed to have the upper hand - he was visibly bigger than the other one, and it looked like he was stronger, too. He rammed his shoulder against the gray wolf again and again, knocking him back toward the trees. 

"Take him to Emily's," Sam shouted toward the other boys, who were watching the conflict with rapt expressions. Jacob had successfully shoved the gray wolf off the road, and they were disappearing into the forest, though the sound of their snarls was still loud. Sam ran after them into the trees, quivering from head to toe. The growling and snapping was fading into the distance. Suddenly, the sound cut off and it was very quiet on the road. 

One of the boys started laughing. I turned to stare at him - my eyes were wide in confusion and disbelief. 

The boy seemed to be laughing at my expression. "Well, there's something you don't see every day." he chuckled. His face was vaguely familiar, thinner than the others… Embry Call. 

“ I do." The other boy, Jared, grumbled. "Every single day." 

"Come on, Paul doesn't lose his temper _every_ day," Embry disagreed, still grinning. "Maybe two out of three." 

Jared stopped to pick something white up off the ground. He held it up toward Embry; it dangled in limp strips from his hand. "Totally shredded," Jared said. "Billy said this was the last pair he could afford -guess Jacob's going barefoot now." 

"This one survived," Embry said, holding up a white sneaker. "Jake can hop," he added with a laugh.

Jared started collecting various pieces of fabric from the dirt. "Get Sam's shoes, will you? All the rest of this is headed for the trash." 

Embry grabbed the shoes and then jogged into the trees where Sam had disappeared. He was back in a few seconds with a pair of cut-off jeans draped over his arm. 

Jared gathered the torn remnants of Jacob's and Paul's clothes and wadded them into a ball. Suddenly, he seemed to remember me. He looked at me carefully, assessing. "Hey, you're not going to faint or puke or anything?”

"I don't think so," I said but I wasn’t actually sure that I wouldn’t.

"You don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down."

I nodded and sat down on the flatbed of my truck. 

"Jake should have warned us," Embry complained. "He shouldn't have brought his boyfriend into this. What did he expect?" 

The word ‘boyfriend’ caught me off guard, heavily so. Did they just make fun of Jake or me, or did he tell them we were a couple? But if they really could read each other’s minds-

"Well, the wolf’s out of the bag now." Embry sighed. "Way to go, Jake." 

I raised my head to look at the two boys who seemed to be taking this all so lightly. "Aren't you worried about them at all?”

Embry blinked once in surprise "Worried? Why?" 

"They could hurt each other!"

The two scoffed.

"I hope Paul gets a mouthful of him," Jared said. "Teach him a lesson."

"Yeah, right!" Embry disagreed. 

"Did you see Jake? Even Sam couldn't have phased on the fly like that. He saw Paul losing it, and it took him, what, half a second to attack? The boy's got a gift." 

"Paul's been fighting longer. I'll bet you ten bucks he leaves a mark."

"You're on. Jake's a natural. Paul doesn't have a prayer."

They shook hands, grinning.

"Let's go see Emily. You know she'll have food waiting." Embry looked down at me. "Mind giving us a ride?" 

"I guess." I said. 

Jared raised one eyebrow. "Maybe you'd better drive, Embry. He looks pretty shaken." 

"Good idea. Where are the keys?" Embry asked me. 

"Nah, dude, you’re like fifteen! I’m not gonna let you drive my car." 

Embry rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Fine. But I call shotgun!”

"That's fine. I got a weak stomach. I don't want to be in there if he throws up." Jared got in the backseat, banging the door.

"I bet he's tougher than that. Dude plays football, y’know? Gets injured a lot." Embry winked at me as if he’d just done me a favor saying that. I wanted to yell at him that concussions or cut lips are not in the slightest comparable to finding out that fucking  _ werewolves exist _ . But I figured it had no use; I just turned the key in the ignition and steered the car back on the road. 

I drove us to the village, following the directions Jared shouted behind me. 

"Okay, so, Emily. She's Sam's girlfriend... no, fiancée, now, I guess. They'll meet us back here after Sam gives it to them for what just happened. And after Paul and Jake scrounge up some new clothes, if Paul even has any left." Embry explained as I park the truck in Emily’s front yard. 

"Does Emily know about-“ I gestured vaguely towards him, “this?" 

"Yeah. And hey, don't stare at her. That bugs Sam." 

I frowned at him. "Why would I stare?"

Embry looked uncomfortable. "Like you saw just now, hanging out around werewolves has its risks.”

He opened the truck door and inhaled. "Mmm, Emily's cooking."

Jared jumped out of the back of the truck and, joined by Embry, headed for the door. Together, they climbed up the one step and entered the house without knocking. I followed after them.

The front room, like Billy's house, was mostly kitchen. A young woman with long, straight, crow-black hair was standing at the counter by the sink, popping big muffins out of a tin and placing them on a paper plate. For one second, I thought the reason Embry had told me not to stare was because the girl was so beautiful.

And then she asked "You guys hungry?" in a melodic voice, and she turned to face us full on, a smile on half of her face. The right side of her face was scarred from hairline to chin by three thick, red lines, livid in color though they were long healed. One line pulled down the middle of her missing eye, another twisted the right side of her mouth into a permanent grimace. Remembering Embry's warning and not wanting to make her uncomfortable anyway, I quickly turned my eyes to the muffins in her hands. They smelled like fresh blueberries.

"Oh," Emily said, surprised. "Who's this?"

I looked up, trying to focus on the left half of her face. I was about to introduce myself when Jared said, shrugging: "Jordan Swan." Apparently I'd been a topic of conversation before.

"Of course, who else. Leave it to Jacob to find a way around," Emily murmured. She stared at me, and neither half of her once-beautiful face was friendly. Then she turned to Jared. "Where's Sam?" 

"Uh, Jordan kinda surprised Paul this morning.”

Emily rolled her good eye. "Ah, Paul," she sighed. "Do you think they'll be long? I was just about to start the eggs." 

"Don't worry," Embry told her. "If they're late, we won't let anything go to waste." 

Emily chuckled, and then opened the refrigerator. "No doubt," she agreed. "Jordan, are you hungry? Go ahead and help yourself to a muffin." Her attitude towards me had softened in the blink of an eye.

"Thanks." I took one from the plate and bit into it. It was delicious, and it felt good in my empty stomach. 

Embry picked up his third and shoved it into his mouth whole. 

"Save some for your brothers," Emily scolded him, hitting him on the head with a wooden spoon. The word surprised me, but the others thought nothing of it. 

"Pig," Jared commented.

I leaned against the counter and watched the three of them banter like a family. Emily's kitchen was a friendly place, bright with white cupboards and pale wooden floorboards. On the little round table, a cracked blue-and-white china pitcher was overflowing with wildflowers. Embry and Jared seemed entirely at ease here. 

Emily was mixing a huge batch of eggs, several dozen, in a big yellow bowl. She had the sleeves of her lavender shirt pushed up, and I could see that the scars extended all the way down her arm to the back of her right hand. Hanging out with werewolves truly did have its risks, just as Embry had said. 

The front door opened, and Sam stepped through. "Emily," he said, and so much love sounded in his voice that I felt embarrassed, intrusive, as I watched him cross the room in one stride and take her face in his wide hands. He leaned down and kissed the dark scars on her right cheek before he kissed her lips. 

"Hey, none of that," Jared complained. "I'm eating." 

"Then shut up and eat," Sam suggested, kissing Emily again. 

"Ugh," Embry groaned. This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. It triggered memories of Selena sweating in the Arizona sun, as well as memories of Jake sweating while fixing his bike. Taken aback I averted my eyes and instead stared at the flowers, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, as well as my own thoughts.

I was grateful for the distraction when Jake and Paul came through the door, and then surprised when I saw that they were laughing. While I watched, Paul punched Jake on the shoulder and Jake went for a kidney jab in return; they laughed again. Both appeared to be in one piece. Jake scanned the room, his eyes stopping when he found me leaning, visibly out of place, against the counter in the far corner of the kitchen.

"Hey, Jodie," he greeted me cheerfully. He grabbed two muffins as he passed the table and came to stand beside me. "Sorry about before," he muttered under his breath. "How are you holding up?" 

"Yeah, after watching you turn into a literal wolf, you mean?” I sighed. “Fine, I guess.” I hadn’t had any time to come to terms with this whole thing so I decided to just play along until I could think about everything in peace.

"Oh, man!" Jared wailed, pulling our attention to a fading pink line on Paul's forearm which he inspected.

Embry was grinning, exultant. "Fifteen dollars," he crowed. 

"Did you do that?" I whispered to Jake, remembering the bet. 

"I barely touched him. He'll be perfect by sundown." 

"By sundown?" I looked at the line on Paul's arm. Oddly enough it looked weeks old.

"Wolf thing," Jacob whispered.

I nodded, trying to not look weirded out. "You okay though, man?" I asked him under my breath. 

"Not a scratch on me." His expression was smug. 

"Hey, guys," Sam said in a loud voice, interrupting all the conversations going on in the small room. Emily was at the stove, scraping the egg mixture around a big skillet, but Sam still had one hand touching her back, an unconscious gesture. "We have to change our plans." 

The rest of the guys looked unsurprised. Maybe they had heard his thoughts already. 

“ More specifically,” Sam went on, “we'll be changing our patterns." His voice was loud and full, the authority in it couldn’t be missed. "Since we don’t know what the vampire is doing here, we have to act according to our best guess. She seems to be searching for something, or someone. But she won’t get to it with us circling her every move. So we'll try leaving a few holes in the defense, and see if she falls for it. We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But it she really is looking for something, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers."

"Quil's got to be close to joining us," Embry murmured. "Then we'll be able to split evenly." 

Everyone looked down. I glanced at Jake’s face, and it was hopeless, like it had been yesterday afternoon, outside his house. No matter how comfortable they seemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of these werewolves wanted the same fate for their friend. 

"Well, we won't count on that," Sam said in a low voice, and then continued at his regular volume. "Paul, Jared, and Embry will take the outer perimeter, and Jacob and I will take the inner. We'll collapse in when we've got her trapped."

I quickly looked at Jake; his face was relaxed, almost the same as I remembered it from before the onset of the wolf thing, and utterly unconcerned by the idea of hunting vampires.

The guys nodded and hummed in agreement. I looked around and met Emily’s eyes, and I could see her face was alive with concern. I had to look away, before her anxiety could infect me. 

"Food's ready!" she announced then, and the strategic conversation was history. The guys hurried to surround the table and began to devour the buffet-sized pan of eggs Emily placed in their midst. Emily herself ate leaning against the counter, as did I – there was no space left at the table for another one my size – and I watched her watching them with affectionate eyes. Her expression clearly stated that this was her family.

All in all, it wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting from a pack of werewolves.

I spent the day in La Push, the majority of it in Billy's house. He left a message on Charlie's phone and at the station, and Charlie showed up around dinnertime with two pizzas. It was good he brought two larges; Jacob ate one all by himself.

I noticed my dad eyeing the two of us suspiciously all night, especially Jake, who must’ve looked so different to him now. Charlie asked about when Jake had started to lift weights. He shrugged and told him that it’d been a couple months.

I knew that as soon as Charlie and I were headed home, Jake would take off - off to run around as a wolf, as he had done a couple times through the entire day. He and the others kept up a constant watch, looking for some sign of Jenny’s return. But since they'd chased her away from the hot springs last night -chased her halfway to Canada, according to Jacob – it had been quiet in the woods.

Jacob walked me to my truck after dinner and lingered by the window, waiting for Charlie to drive away first. 

"Don't worry tonight." Jacob said, while Charlie pretended to be having trouble with his seat belt. "We'll be out there, watching." 

"Sure, I’ll just pretend everything’s normal." I promised. 

Jake chuckled. "Hunting vampires is fun. It's the best part of this whole mess." He reached through my open window and put his hand on my neck. “I get that it’s all a little much. Get some rest, Jordan.”

“ Yeah.”

Charlie honked his horn impatiently. 

“ See you tomorrow?” Jake asked and pulled his hand away. For some reason I instantly missed the warmth that’s gotten so familiar over time. I pushed the thought away. 

“ Yeah, I’ll come down first thing.” 

Charlie’s cop car followed me home. I paid no attention to the lights in my rear view mirror. Instead, I wondered where Sam and Jared and Embry and Paul were, out running in the night. I wondered if Jacob had joined them yet.

When we got home, I went straight for the stairs, but Charlie was right behind me. "What's going on, man?" he asked before I could go to my room. "I thought Jacob was part of a gang and you two were fighting."

"Nah, it’s cool again.”

"And the gang?" 

"I don't know, I met Sam Uley and his girl, Emily. They seemed pretty nice to me." I shrugged. "Must have all been a misunderstanding." 

My father’s face changed. "That’s right, Billy told me that Sam and Emily made it official. That's nice. Poor girl." 

I raised my eyebrows.

"Mauled by a bear, up north, during salmon spawning season.” Charlie explained. “Horrible accident. Been more than a year now. I heard Sam was really messed up over it." 

"That's horrible," I echoed. More than a year ago. I'd bet that meant it had happened when there was just one werewolf in La Push. I felt compassion for them then, at the thought of how Sam must have felt every time he looked at Emily's face.

That night, I lay awake for a long time trying to sort through the day. I worked my way backward through dinner with Billy, Jacob, and Charlie, to the long afternoon in the Blacks' house, waiting impatiently to hear something from Jacob, to Emily's kitchen, to the horror of the werewolf fight, to talking with Jacob on the beach. I thought about it for such a long time that, eventually, I fell asleep imagining wolves, invisible in the night, circling my house and hearing Jake’s thoughts about me.


	13. The Beach

It was spring break in Forks. When I woke up on Monday morning, I lay in bed for a few seconds absorbing that. Last spring break, I'd been to California with Selena and our friends from Arizona. This year I would spend the days off in wet-cold weather, without them but surrounded by supernatural beings.

Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I'd spent Sunday mostly on the beach, while Charlie hung out with Billy at the Blacks' house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, but Jacob had other things to do, so I wandered alone, exploring the reservation.

When Jacob dropped in to say hi, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasn't always this crazy, but until Jenny was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.

When we walked along the beach now, he always put his arm around my shoulder or tried to take my hand. I’d let him, mainly so I could see how comfortable I was with it. 

This made me think back to what Embry had said, about Jacob involving his "boyfriend." I supposed that that was kind of what it looked like from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it really was, I shouldn't let those kinds of assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. But his arm had a nice weight to it around my neck, and I felt good with him.

I worked Tuesday afternoon – despite my protests, Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely – and the new store manager, Kate, noticed.

"Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" She asked, poorly disguising the interest in her tone.

I startled. This woman knew nothing about Jake or me. Why would she assume such a thing right away? "Uh, no, miss, we’re best friends."

Kate’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Don't kid yourself, Jodie. The guy's head over heels for you."

I stared at her and shrugged; There was nothing I could say.

"A woman’s intuition, boy.” Kate grinned and patted her chest above her heart. Then suddenly she gasped. “Oh, don’t take this the wrong way! I forgot how…  _ traditional  _ this little town can be.” She smiled apologetically, blushed a little, and fled into another aisle.

“No, I-” I started but figured it would have no use. How would I explain my troubles to a middle-aged woman from New York?

That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at Billy's house. Emily brought a cake that would have won over a harder man than Charlie. I could see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casual subjects, that any worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Push were being dissolved.

Jake and I skipped out early, to catch a breath alone. We went out to his garage and sat in the 

Rabbit. Jacob leaned his head back, his face drawn with exhaustion.

"You need some sleep, Jake."

"I'll get around to it."

He reached over and put his hand on my knee. His skin was blazing through the denim of my jeans.

"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked him. "The heat, I mean."

"Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand naked in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me."

"And I guess the crazy-fast healing is another of your super powers?"

"Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." His eyes flipped open and he grinned. He reached into the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.

"Nah, man, I believe you." I said as soon as I realized what he was thinking.

Jacob shrugged, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. “It's a good thing we heal. You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead."

"No, I guess not." I thought about that for a minute. “Is the height part of it, too? Is that why you're all worried about Quil?"

"That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead." Jacob's face turned hopeless. "It won't be long now. There's no exact age… it just builds and builds and then suddenly–" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything! I was happy, actually." He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me – I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then I, like, kind of exploded. I almost ripped his face off – my own father! I mean, I’ve been angry at him before, but not like this, man, not like this." He shuddered, and his face paled.

"Jake, how bad is it really?" I asked, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable?"

"No, I'm not miserable," he told me. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before." His hand squeezed my new briefly.

He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about.

"What's the hardest part?" I asked. He retrieved his hand to rub it over his tired face, pinched the bridge of his nose, scratched his neck.

"The hardest part is feeling… out of control," he said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself – like maybe you shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a nightmare, a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second… and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts – I know what that feels like…" 

He took a deep, shaky breath.

"And then, the way it comes so easily to me, that I'm better at it than the rest of them – does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."

The way he spoke tore at my insides and I seemed to understand, for the first time, just how deeply affected by all this he really was. "Is it hard? To find yourself again?" I asked.

"At first," he said. "It takes some practice to shift back and forth. But it's easier for me."

"Why?" 

"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."

"Quil?" I asked in confusion.

"His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."

"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"

"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance."

His expression was bleak.

"What's the very best part?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up.

"The best part," he said, suddenly smiling again, "is the  _ speed _ ."

"Better than the motorcycles?"

He nodded, enthusiastic. "There's no comparison."

"How fast can you… ?"

"Run?" he finished my question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? Like a Ferrari at full speed? I don’t know, man, but you get the gist.”

I nodded and we sat for a moment in awkward silence, neither of us knowing what to say next. This whole werewolf subject was still fairly unsteady ground for us to walk on because I had yet to wrap my mind around it completely. Suddenly Jacob sighed.

"I'm ruining your spring break," he accused himself and frowned.

I was confused by this. "No, you're not. Sure, you have a lot on your plate and all, but I didn't have any plans. Also, you’re not responsible for my free time."

"Am I not, though? As your best friend. Come on, I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun. Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" 

He made a thinking face that looked ridiculously childish, and then he crowed, "Got it! Another promise to keep."

"What are you talking about?"

He smirked devilishly. "Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?"

“Uhhhh, yes, I guess so but-"

“Come on, it’ll be so much fun! Sure, it’s a little cold these days but I can feel the weather changing. Tomorrow will be warmer, I feel it in my bones, Jodie!”

He looked at me then, upper body fully turned to face me and his expression was so hopeful and puppy-like (go figure) that I couldn’t say no. So I grinned and said, “Alright, mate, let’s go.”

"Yes! It's a date!" He exclaimed cheerfully and hit me on the shoulder.

"Okay, now that that’s settled, let's go get you some sleep, dude, you look like shit." I laughed to hide my concern but I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.

I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.

I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn't, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait and let him get as much rest as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jake had been right about the weather, though; it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and static under the gray sky. I left my football jacket in the truck.

I knocked quietly on the door.

"C'mon in, Jordan," Billy said.

He was at the kitchen table, eating cereal.

"Jake sleeping?"

"Er, no." He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice a bit too loud. I could tell from his expression that something had.

"Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopeful–she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this."

"Oh." I said stupidly. "Damn."

"Yes," Billy agreed, chuckling,“Damn.” His ancient eyes were impossible to read. "This one's tricky."

I looked around the kitchen, unsure of what to say. I was worried but I didn’t know how to bring it up to Billy without seeming childish or anything.

"It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he's doing. Besides, the vampire doesn't want to fight them. She's just trying to find a way around them… to her prey. We take what we do very seriously, Jordan. Nothing's been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations."

That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to. Of course I had no idea what actual vampires were like, but I’ve seen enough movies; the idea of Jenny, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn't get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go through them.

Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly through the TV channels. That didn't last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldn't see out the curtained windows.

"I'll be at the beach," I told Billy abruptly, and quickly left the house.

  
  


Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn't see any animals – no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't  _ hear  _ any birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees.

I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere hinted at an oncoming storm. A look at the sky confirmed my suspicion; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had an idea to wage war against the earth today; the animals must be bunkering down.

As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn't come – the thunder was rolling in the distance, far out over the sea. But where else to go? I wanted to wait for Jacob - we had a ‘date’ after all.   
I went down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.

I tried not to think about the danger Jake and his friends were in. Nothing will happen to them, I told myself. The thought was unbearable. I couldn’t lose him, not my childhood best friend, not the guy I could move on with after Selena, not my chance at love-

Suddenly all the feelings that had developed under my surface for the past few weeks came bubbling up, rapidly, overwhelming me. A certain frustration set in as I realized just how far my heart had already gone without notifying my head, and the whole werewolf thing crept into the confusion as well. I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing. 

The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge–I could feel the static on my skin.

Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore, matching my inner chaos. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. 

I tried to sort through the whirlpool of emotions inside me but it was so much to deal with; coming to terms with my potential feelings was a lot already, but confronting the fact that the guy I might want to date is not only my friend but also a motherfucking  _ werewolf _ ? I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want to think about it. I had enough on my plate addressing a new side of my sexuality, a side that I never even  _ contemplated  _ I could have.

The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Jake had told me about his feelings for me. A tightness settled in my chest, my ribcage seemed to cave in. 

Suddenly a voice sounded behind me, warm and friendly, “Jodie! Hey!”

Jake came jogging over the white pebbles, his heavy foot falls barely audible on the stone. When he reached me, he stretched out his arms to pull me into a hug but I backed away. Instantly, alarm spread on his face. 

“You alright? My dad told me you-”

“Shut up.” I barked, and it surprised the both of us. I shot him a look, and it confused him. 

“Jake, I-... I don’t know if I can do this right now.” I said. I wanted to be honest about my feelings and my thoughts and how I didn’t handle any of it well. I needed to explain myself to Jacob, I owed him that much. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked skeptically, crossing his arms over his chest. I turned my head to the sea - I couldn’t look at him. 

“You know, Jake, this is just… I’m really overwhelmed at the moment, alright? By all of this. I mean, first you confess your feelings to me, then you tell me you’re a  _ werewolf _ , now we barely see each other and I know I never talk about it but I have all this pressure from school and my parents and I think I might have some type of anxiety problem and also apparently motherfucking  _ vampires  _ exist? As if one type of monster ain’t enough. And my father is always out there, you know, he’s always in the woods and I hardly ever spend time with him or even just see him at home and when I do, he’s too tired to even watch the game with me, and I haven’t talked to Selena in forever which also makes me think that I may actually be getting over her because I’m falling for  _ you  _ instead and-”

I had talked myself into a rage, stuttering and stumbling over my words, a heat flash creeping up my neck. Everything just rushed out of me, unhalted, until I cut myself short. Something Jake’s silence had brought my attention back to him. 

A head scratch. A sigh. 

I looked at him and he just stood there, torn between concern and what seemed like...joy? He probably got hung up on my admitting of feelings he had waited to hear of, but it annoyed me even more. So much so, in fact, that I just wanted to get out of there and not see him again for a while. 

He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, “I need to work through all of this, Jake. For some time. Alone.”

I could watch as the trace of happiness left his face. I braced myself to shut down any argument he would throw at me then, but none came. All he said was, “Alright. I get it, man.” 

I was dumbfounded for a moment, having expected him to be at least a bit pushy, but no, he just kind of smiled, fist-bumped my shoulder, and turned to leave. 

“Let me know when you wanna talk. Any time.” He said over his shoulder before he took off, jogging back in the direction from which he first came. 

I simply stared after him until he was gone completely, then I nodded to myself and went back to get my truck.


	14. Father And Son

Carelessly I let the front door of our house fall shut behind me, then hung my keys in their designated place on the key rack next to the door. I stood in the hallway and looked around, thinking of what to do next. Just then my stomach interrupted with a loud growl and I had no choice but to go straight to the kitchen. 

Inside, I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl that Charlie put on the kitchen table just for me when I first moved back here. He said he wasn’t big on fruit himself but he’d figured that I was probably getting all types of exotic vitamin intake over in Phoenix, so he wanted me to have that same luxury, albeit a little simpler, in Forks, too. 

My father sure was something else; I never allow myself to think about it too much because it always ends up with me blaming myself for not staying with him when my parents got divorced, but I really loved the old guy. I don’t think I could have wished for a better dad. Sure, he was a little quiet and awkward, and he cried a lot for a dad, but I didn’t mind any of it. He was a good father, caring, interested in my life, righteous. Always knew what to say in the right moments. Thinking about all this made me wonder why I had been so afraid of consulting him about my ‘relationship problems’ with Jake. 

I dwelled on it for a moment longer when suddenly a bright yellow post-it note caught my eye. It stuck to the fridge and I ripped it off. Charlie’s scraggly handwriting read, 

_ At the hospital. Harry had heart attack.  _

_ Call me.  _

_ Dad _

Harry Clearwater was one of Charlie’s best friends. I knew he would be beside himself. Sue, Harry’s wife, was probably there with him, waiting, hopefully comforting him.    
I rushed to the phone and dialed Charlie’s cell phone number. He picked up after the second ring. 

“Swan?” His voice was shaky and hoarse, as if he’d been crying. He probably had. 

“Dad, hey. What’s going on?”

He drew a deep breath that turned into a sigh. It made him sound so helpless - I’d never heard him like this before. “Jordan.” A pause. “My God, Jodie. It doesn’t look good.”

“Should I come over, Dad? Do you need me? Anything I can get you?”

“I- I don’t know, Jodie, I don’t know anything.” He sniffled. 

“Alright, man, I’m coming to the hospital. See you in ten.”

He didn’t say anything in reply but I could hear he had already lowered his phone to talk to Sue. I hung up. 

At the hospital I spotted the police car parked outside the entrance and wondered whether he was the one to take the 911 call. Probably not, most likely not, but either way I’m sure he had to be called out of work to get to the hospital. 

Inside, I asked the receptionist for Harry’s room number and then hurried to the waiting area outside it. I could see Charlie from afar, as he paced up and down the hallway, head in his hands. Sue said limply in one of the green-upholstered chairs, her face so full of grief that I had to look away immediately. 

When Charlie saw me, he walked towards me, arms extended weakly to draw me into a long hug. He clung to me like a child and it hurt me in my heart to see him like this, so truly scared. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Dad. He’ll be fine.” I whispered while running my hand over the back of his head, over and over. I’d never had to comfort him like this before but I felt I knew how to do it just by instinct. He seemed to calm down and ultimately freed himself from my grip. 

“Thanks, honey.” He took a step back. “Where were you this morning? Off to Jake’s?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to talk about it. “Have you eaten yet, should I get you something?”

He nodded in Sue’s direction. “We got some sandwiches from the vending machine but neither of us can stomach anything right now.”

Charlie’s indication of Sue made me feel like only now it was appropriate to address her. I went over to where she sat and stood next to the chair, a hand on her shoulder. 

“Sue, I’m so sorry,” was all I could say. I barely knew her or Harry but I didn’t want to appear like I only cared about Charlie in all this. 

She made a feeble attempt at a smile but it died on her lips before it could surpass anything but a grimace. Again I wanted to look away because I couldn’t face this private sorrow of hers, but I forced myself to keep my eyes on her. 

“If there’s anything I can do for you…” I said and trailed off. Suddenly I felt dumb and intrusive for even suggesting it. Thankfully Charlie spoke and thus freed me from the painful smalltalk. 

“I don’t think there’s much for you to do here, son. Guess it would be better if you just went home and did some school stuff or something. Maybe get some pizza for dinner later.” 

I stood up straight again. “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying here with you guys.”

Charlie gave me something reminiscent of a smile and patted my shoulder. 

“I’m sure, son. I’ll be home soon, don’t worry.”

So I nodded, said goodbye to Sue, and left them to their own devices, hoping all the way out of the hospital and back to our house that Harry would be granted a second chance at life. 

Only an hour later, when I sat in the kitchen doing my physics homework, our front door opened quietly and closed again with an equally quiet clicking sound. 

“Dad?” I called out, but no response came. It alarmed me.

I went out into the lightless hallway and felt strangely nervous for a second before I could make out Charlie’s silhouette in the half-dark. 

He stood unmoving, his body shrouded in blackness but his face illuminated by the kitchen lamp’s warm glow spilling out behind me. 

He looked like he’d been through hell. His face was so tired and lined, it seemed he had aged a hundred years since I’d left him at the hospital. His cheeks were puffy and his eyes red-rimmed and swollen. 

This is how I found out about Harry Clearwater’s death. 

I spent the rest of the evening taking care of Charlie as best as I could but the heaviness in his slumped shoulders never left. Once he’d gone to bed, I decided to make some plans with him for the next day. He told me he’d only work half his shift and then have the vice sheriff take over. I supported him in that idea. Still, I knew Charlie wasn’t one to sit around and ‘wallow’ in grief, he would want to distract himself. 

So I took him fishing. He tried to protest at first but eventually I managed to convince him. “Think about all the fishing trips you took with Harry. Don’t you think that’s what he would want you to do?” was the winning argument. 

We sat by the lake, fishing rods thrown out, and looked over the water. The lake was small and surrounded by trees but there weren’t enough to form a real forest. For obvious reasons Charlie didn’t want us to go into the woods.    
The lake was still and quiet, only some birds cawed here and there. No breeze moved the water and the sky was spotless. The sun began to set just above the trees and its warm light tinted the air around us in a soft gold. It was a dreamy early evening but the atmosphere around Charlie and me was heavy with his grief. 

“We would sit here for hours and not say a word, you know.” Charlie mumbled, squinting. “Harry was pretty talkative but as soon as he sat down in his camping chair, he was like mute.”

I smiled. “How long have you guys been friends?”

Charlie took a deep breath. “Thirty goddamn years.” He picked a beer bottle out of the cooler we brought with us and opened it with his key. Then he drank half the bottle in one go and poured the rest out. “To Harry,” he mumbled. “I’m really going to miss him.”

“How’s Sue doing, by the way?”

"She seems dazed, like she hasn't fully grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen…" He shook his head.

We stayed silent for a few minutes before I turned my head to look at him and saw that he seemed close to tears again. I decided to try and take his mind off things for a moment. 

“Dad? Can I ask you for some advice? I know right now might not be the best time but-”

“No, no, son, of course,” he interrupted me. “You know you can always talk to me.” He tried to smile; it was sad to look at. 

Now it was my turn to take a deep breath. I would finally tell him about my situation with Jake.  _ Here goes nothing _ , I thought. 

“Okay, so, this is kinda complicated so just hear me out, alright? But basically it’s just that I got this problem with Jake. Don’t say anything, Dad, just listen.” I ran my hands over my thighs, the way I always would to calm myself when I was nervous.   
“So you remember when I took Mike’s girl Jenny to the movies? And Jake came with us, he actually kinda invited himself but I was glad he did because I didn’t really wanna go out with my boss’s daughter anyway, you know, and I thought it would kind of, like, diffuse the situation? But it didn’t at all actually because both Jenny and Jake were kind of bitchy with each other the whole time and at first I thought it was because they were jealous of each other or whatever but turns out it was actually because of- Uh, well, nevermind, but anyway, so after Jenny went to the bathroom because she had to throw up, Jake and I waited for her outside and we sat down and he kinda took my hand and-” I had to catch my breath and turned my head because for some reason I couldn’t look at Charlie to say this next part.  
  
“Jake told me he likes me, Dad. As in, _romantically_. And I know Billy has mentioned it to you because I heard you talk to him on the phone some time ago. But wait, don’t get me wrong, my problem isn’t that Jake likes me, it’s more that I… might… like him _back…_ and… I don’t know how to figure out if I do because it’s all really confusing and I thought I wasn’t over Selena yet and honestly I’ve never actually considered liking guys too, I mean, I know a lot of guys have these phases that they go through and all but I just haven’t, you know? But it’s not like I have any chance of finding out if I’m into dudes because Jake never has enough time for us to just be alone for a while but I’m not interested in anyone else so it’s not like I could just go and date the next best guy, I don’t even want to! But like I said, Jake is always busy with his new friends and I’m fucking tired of that goddamn gang, I just want _one fucking minute_ with Jake!”

I exhaled deeply; it felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off my chest and I could breathe again for the first time in weeks. I hadn’t realized that I’d been holding my breath ever since the movie date.

I looked over at Charlie who stayed quiet for a long moment after I spilled my guts, processing what I had said. I could tell by looking at him that his mind was working hard and fast. I wasn’t scared of his reaction because I had no reason to believe that he would take it hard. I was more scared that he wouldn’t know what to say and that the whole situation would turn awkward. 

He scratched his mustache, sniffed, scratched his head. Finally he looked at me. “That sounds like quite the mess you got yourself in,” he said. Then he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. “You gotta talk to Jake about this, son. I don’t know what else to tell ya.” He squeezed my shoulder and dropped his arm again. I nodded. This wasn’t quite what I had hoped for, but then again what else was he supposed to say? Charlie was probably even less prepared for this type of talk than I had been. 

Though after a while he took another sip of beer and then leaned forward in his chair. “Jordan… I can’t say that I know what…  _ any _ … of this feels like. Okay? I can’t. But what I  _ can  _ tell you is that, when your mom and me first started dating, I was scared and confused  _ all  _ the time. I mean, her ex was the fucking captain of her school’s football team! I had no chance against that guy, are you kidding me? But eventually I talked to her about my worries, you know, all the insecurities and stuff that had sort of, you know, build up inside me. And that’s when she first told me that she loved me. And everything sorted itself out.” He smiled mildly. 

“What I’m saying, Jodie, is that I think you should let Jake now about your feelings. Tell him that you’re confused and that you’re unsure whether you’re into guys, and I’m sure he’ll understand. It’ll work itself out, you’ll see.”

He squeezed my hand and it was warm and comforting. “Thanks, Dad,” I said, relieved. I promised myself to talk to him more in the future.


	15. The Funeral

A week later, the doorbell rang and, anticipating Jacob, I sprinted down the stairs. I was finally ready - and really fucking eager - to tell him everything I told Charlie the day before.

As I threw the door open, storm-cooled air blew into the house. Jake stood on my front step, hands in his pockets. “Hey,” he said quietly. “I came to apologize. I thought about what you, well, yelled at me the other day and I-”

Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. "OH!" The breath whooshed out of him like someone had punched him in the gut. "Holy  _ shit _ !"

Without warning he pushed me into the house, a heavy blow to my chest that made me splutter, and he slammed the door shut behind him.

“ _ Jesus _ , dude, what the  _ fuck _ ?” I wheezed, pressing a hand to my chest.

"Vampire," he spat out.

"Wait, what? How do you know?"

"Because I can smell it. Dammit!"

His eyes were wild, raking the dark row of trees opposite my street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that shook his body. His nose was wrinkled in distaste and the hostility rolled off him in waves. "Phase or get him out of here?" he hissed at himself.

He looked back at me for a split second, taking in my confused face, and then he was scanning the street again. "Right. Get you out."

"Wait, what?" I gasped as he started towards me with his arms outstretched. He was about to pick me up but I yelled at him to stop. 

“No, Jake, stop! Stop, I ain’t leaving Charlie here alone!  _ Jake, fuck off _ !”

"What?!"

“Fucking  _ drop  _ me, dude,  _ God _ ! Black!"

He opened his arms and let me fall to the ground so hard I had the wind knocked out of me.

"What?" he asked again, completely furious. A violent tremor rocked his frame.

Suddenly his face became focused and his ears twitched, like those of a dog. He seemed to listen to something that wasn’t there, or that I couldn’t hear at least. A moment later his body slacked and he flopped to the ground beside me, sitting there as if he just did a whole workout.

"Yeah, calm," he panted, putting his head down and closing his eyes. He pressed his fists between his knees so as to stop them from shaking. 

“What? What’s going on, man?” I asked softly. At first I wanted to touch his shoulder and get him back to reality but I decided against it; I couldn’t afford to accidentally set him off and have him transform into a giant ass monster right here in Charlie’s hallway.

"There was a vampire close to your house," Jacob hissed. “But Sam just told me they got it under control. Wants me to keep an eye on you instead."

I glanced at him and his face hardened, congealing into the bitter mask of anger. His hands were still shaking. He looked ten years older than me.

He took a deep breath. "I wish I could be out there with them," he said in a slow, heavy voice. A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. "I’ll keep you safe though, don’t worry."

“Thanks,” was all what my stunned brain could muster. 

I hadn’t taken the whole vampire thing too serious before, just as I hadn’t really grasped the concept of werewolves yet. But this outbreak of Jake’s changed my perception dramatically in just a few scary seconds. Whether or not I had believed his story up until that point, the fear and panic that overcame me as soon as he had said the word “vampire” suddenly made everything a whole lot more real. 

We sat on the hardwood floor for another moment or two before Jake sighed and moved to stand up. “Well, anyway. What I was saying earlier-”

“It’s alright.” I interrupted him, unexpectedly nervous. “Forget about it. I got something to talk to you about.”

I shifted from one leg to the other, stretched my arms behind my head - I didn’t know how to coherently broach the subject after all. Sure, I wasn’t very coherent when I told Charlie about all this but that was my  _ father _ . Jake would be the real deal.

“Jake, I think I… Wow, alright, how do I say this… Okay, so I don’t know… much… about any of these things but, like, I think I might-”

The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break Jake’s focus on me. He shoved his hand into his pocket and fished out the cellphone, answering the call. His dark eyes did not free mine.

"Black," Jacob said, his husky voice undefinable.

Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, his eyes went flat, his face blank. “Yes, we’re on our way.”

Then I remembered that we were supposed to be at Harry Clearwater’s funeral by now. Charlie had left early that morning to oversee the arrangements and greet guests that arrived early from outside the state. Jake was to pick me up before the beginning of the funeral so we could attend together. 

“Fuck.” I whispered. We scrambled to get ready and left, Jacob in his now sweaty black dress shirt, me in my disheveled prom suit. 

The funeral was not as exhaustive as I had expected. Only a small group of people, dressed mostly in white, had shown up for the occasion but Jake assured me that it was because the Clearwaters hadn’t invited anyone outside their family, the Blacks, and Charlie and me. I was sure Jake and me were only courtesy invites because of our fathers but I didn’t say anything about that to him. 

Thankfully we weren’t too late after all; the service hadn’t started yet. Charlie was still welcoming late arrivals, talking a little to everyone here and there. When I saw him, Jake and me separated and he went to find his own father. 

I walked up to Charlie right as he waved an elderly couple along in direction of the service. 

“Hey, Dad.” 

Charlie nodded. “You guys are kinda late. What kept you?”

“Uh, nothing, really, I just tried to talk to Jake the way you told me to.”

His eyebrows shot up his forehead. “And?” he asked. I could tell he was grateful for the distraction so I was even sadder I couldn’t give him any happy news. 

“Well, I didn’t really get far because Billy called and asked Jake what took us so long.”

“Hmm. Try again later, I guess.”

“Yeah.” I tried to smile. “Will do, Dad.”

He clapped a hand on my back, the way he so often did when he wanted to signalize me that all was said and done, then motioned for us to get to our seats. The service would begin any minute now. 

Throughout the funeral I sat next to Charlie in the second row and held his hand, squeezing whenever he teared up. In between I would glance over at Jake and Billy on the other side of the aisle, staring on with solemn faces and listening with ears that I knew didn’t pick up a word from the mortician. Only when Sue went up to the podium to speak did everyone sit up a little straighter and we all looked at our feet so as to give her the privacy she deserved when saying her words of goodbye to her husband.   
There were a lot of tears but also some quiet laughter when Charlie spoke about Harry, telling stories from their fishing trips and their younger days. It ended up being a very nice service, all things considered, and despite the grief, everyone seemed to leave the place with their hearts a little lighter. 

After the funeral came to an end, I watched Jake steer Billy and his wheelchair through the rows of white chairs, wheeling him all the way to the entrance. There Sue approached them and from where I stood I could see Jake lift Billy into the passenger seat of Sue’s car as her youngest kid, Seth, folded the wheelchair and stowed it in the trunk. Then Jake hugged everyone goodbye and came back in our direction. 

“Dad.” I said, nudging Charlie’s upper arm. I pointed my chin in Jacob’s direction. “I think I’m gonna go back with him. Are you gonna be fine? You going anywhere?”

“Yeah, I’ll join the Clearwaters at their house. Sue and the children have a funeral meal prepared, so all guests are headed to their place. Are you sure you guys want to skip on the food?”

“We’ll just get a pizza or something.” I said right as Jake reached us. 

“Pizza? Sounds good,” he smiled. “I hope you’ll be fine, Chief Swan.” Jake shook his hand firmly. Usually Jake would just address him by his first name but I guess he thought the circumstances called for a ‘Chief Swan’. I could tell he appreciated the gesture.

“Thanks, son.”

Charlie left us with a little wave and went to join the others. I turned to Jake with the old nervousness tearing at my stomach. Nonetheless I grinned at him.

“Guess it’s just you and me now, pal.”


	16. Relief

We got dinner on the way back to my house and, once through the front door, immediately opened the pizza cartons. We ate in the living room, barely talking - Jake was too focused on ravishing his food. When we were done, though, I figured now would be the perfect time; We were alone, no one would disturb us and, to be fair, we had nothing better to do. So I took a deep breath and braced myself to jump into unknown territories. 

“Yo, Jake,” I said, crossing my legs in front of him on the living room carpet. He lay on his side, licking the pizza oil from his fingertips. Nobody in their right mind would think of him as particularly attractive or anything in that moment, but I couldn’t help myself; he just looked…  _ good _ . Masculine. I didn’t know why I thought that but I hoped it would secure me more in what I was about to say. 

Jake looked at me then and his face seemed intent on listening to me. It made my stomach feel funny. 

“What’s up, Jodie?”

“Uhhh, I… got something to tell you.” My hands began to sweat. “Wow, I don’t know how to say this.”

Jake just continued to look at me, patiently, almost serene. I wondered if he had any idea about what was to come. 

“So, I talked to Charlie about this and, I  _ know _ , I should have talked to you first probably but also he’s kind of the reason I’m even speaking on this right now so in the end, I guess you gotta thank him, kinda.” 

I rambled on, getting more and more off topic, and the further away I got from the point, the closer I could feel myself to backing out of the whole thing.

“...so that’s how I found out about mom having a new boyfriend and I tell ya, man, it was weird at first, but he’s actually really…”

Jake didn’t do anything to get me back on track either and it frustrated me for some reason. In my head I had a whole plan that I just talked away and he let me? I talked for what felt like an eternity and my so-called best friend just lay there on his side, lazy ass that he was, not even thinking about helping me out here.

“...and then I went to the meadow with Kennedy, as you know, and we talked and he said…”

Fine. I have to fight this battle all alone then. 

“Jake, Ithinkimightlikeyouandidon’tknowhowtosayit.”

“Wait, wha-”

Then I kissed him. Just like that, out of nowhere. It wasn’t a real kiss, just a quick peck on the lips, as if we were goddamn five-year-olds. I didn’t even have any romantic intentions; it was more like a celebratory gesture. I was so elated and relieved of having finally told him, that my brain just blacked out for a second. 

I could feel the blood shoot into my face, along with the embarrassing realization of what I had done. I stared at Jake. He looked back at me with shock and confusion. Then he leaned forward, fast, but I turned my head just in time for his mouth to crash against my jaw. 

“What-”

“God, I’m sorry, Jake, I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t you just say you liked me?”

“Yes, but-”

“And didn’t you just kiss me first?”

“Well, yeah-”

“So what the fuck are you playing at, Swan?”

Suddenly he jumped up and stood over me, his fists shaking with anger. I fully expected him to pass me blow right then and there, but instead he hit his own forehead. I stared at him. 

“I should’ve known,” he whispered. “I should have never told you anything. I thought you would take it to the heart, like a  _ friend _ , at least. To think there was a moment where I really hoped- Fuck, Jordan! Why are you doing this to me?"

His furious eyes searched my face for a moment, almost pleading, and I knew he wanted me to say something, anything, but I was too damn shocked to open my mouth.

But he got it wrong! He got it all wrong! 

I watched him storm off, silence where there should have been the sound of feet stomping on wood, and I couldn’t speak. 

By the time Charlie came home, Billy had already told him - from Jacob’s viewpoint - what had happened between us. I’d called Billy soon after Jake had left, and told him to let Jake know that this was just a big misunderstanding and that I didn’t lie to him. Billy spoke curtly and something told me he didn’t care to stay neutral in this argument. 

Charlie, to be fair, didn’t either. He came into the house with an air of frustration about him, and as he saw me, he drew me into a bear hug. 

“Those Blacks sure can be stubborn,” he said over my shoulder and I almost responded with “That’s the wolf in them” but caught my tongue in time. 

Though that was exactly it, I presumed. Jake’s recent anger management issues must’ve stemmed from the werewolf thing, no doubt about it. After all he used to be a pretty calm person, seemed to hit it off with everyone he met. And didn’t he himself joke about how angry Paul would get all the time, that it was hard to control the animalistic side?

“So what happened, exactly?” Charlie asked as he let go off me. 

We sat down at the kitchen table and I gave him a quick rundown. His eyebrows rose steadily throughout my recounting of the story but all he said at the end was, “Hmmm.”

“It’s alright though, I’ll drive by tomorrow and talk to him. It’s no use calling tonight, Billy will guard him like a dog.”

Charlie was silent in response which I saw as my cue to go upstairs. His best friend was just buried - I wanted to give him the space he needed to grief. Especially after this whole teenage drama. 

I got up and turned to leave but on my way out of the kitchen, Charlie spoke. 

“Jordan.”

“Yeah?”

“Just… make sure you two end up happy. Alright? I don’t want you to go through the whole Selena-thing again.”

His eyes were tragic. The sadness in them tore at my heart. 

“I will, Dad. Promise.”

I slept badly that night; I had strange dreams about wolves and Sam Uley and Jake storming out of my living room, his angry fists covered in shiny pizza oil. Nevertheless I got up early to leave for La Push. It was a Saturday so I expected Jake to be home, probably still asleep in his too small bed, with his feet and arms dangling over the edge. 

During the drive I drummed my index finger on the steering wheel, impatience swelling inside me like a tidal wave. I wanted to plan out what to say to him, and how, but realized I probably wouldn’t stick to it anyway. Charlie’s words rang in my ears then, “make sure you two end up happy.” I thought I knew exactly just how that could be done. 

Arriving at the Black house, I parked the truck a little further away just in case Billy saw me coming. I didn’t want to announce myself and ruin the surprise because it could blow what I had in mind. 

I walked over the the little red house and rounded it, stopping by Jake’s window and knocking softly against the glass. 

“Jake. Yo, Jake.” I hissed. 

His head popped up just above the windowsill. I could hear him groan behind the glass, but I saw him get up anyway. A moment later the screen door in the back opened. 

He stood in the doorway with his hair sticking up just a little, some braids had come loose in the night. Sleep still sat in his face and he had only one eye open, a hand in front of his face to shield him from the light despite the sky being overcast. 

Even before he could say anything, I was close to him, our noses just inches from touching. He didn’t jerk his head away but his eyes widened in surprise. I looked at him one last time before I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and leaned in. 

The last time I had kissed someone like this, it was Selena. But this couldn’t compare. When I last kissed her, the heat came from around us, from the Arizona desert air, not from her very skin, and her long hair had been tied back in a ponytail, but Jake’s fell over his shoulders and into his face, getting trapped between our cheeks. 

The last time I had kissed Selena, I hadn’t put my hands on her face, I didn’t have to stand on my tiptoes, she didn’t smell like wood and spices and sleepy sweat. But, most of all, the last time I had kissed Selena, it hadn’t felt this right. 

Someone cleared his throat behind Jake and we jumped apart as if caught doing something illegal. In fact, I did kind of feel like I did something risky, not because of Jake, but because I didn’t know how Billy or Sam and the others would feel about it. 

We turned to see Billy sit in the hallway with his mouth forced into a polite smile. “Charlie called for you,” he said matter-of-fact. 

I nodded but didn’t know what to say. I looked to Jake for help but he just stood in the doorway with his head turned to his father, both of them stoic. So he didn’t tell him about this, then. 

**Author's Note:**

> +++++++ This work of fanfiction is under revision and I will fact-check all I have put in here regarding the tribe. I will either re-write the story or abandon it / take it down completely, depending on how accurate and respectful of a representation I will be able to give. (Last updated: May 4th, 2020) +++++++
> 
> ON THE QUILEUTE: Stephenie Meyer has written her story from a white, US-American point of view that unfortunately includes a lot of racism towards the Native American tribe which Jacob belongs to, the Quileute. The real-life people have not gained anything from this story that exploits them, other than a racially prejudiced, stereotypical representation written by a white Mormon. Instead of accurately presenting Natives in their many forms and facets, Meyer blatantly ignored real-life issues at hand and profited off her racist presentation, making the Quileute a sexualized, mysticized fictional version of who they really are.  
> The Quileute took a stance on Twilight and its harmful misrepresentations, and gave correct and realistic insight with their own united voice here: https://www.burkemuseum.org/static/truth_vs_twilight/ 
> 
> PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING TO THE QUILEUTE AND OTHER NATIVE AMERICAN CAUSES, such as: 
> 
> https://mthg.org/ - Moving the Quileute to a higher ground so they can live safely instead of in a natural catastrophe-ridden, dangerous area 
> 
> https://www.gofundme.com/f/NHFC19Relief - Navajo and Hopi Families COVID-19 relief fund (More Natives are suffering and dying from this virus than 1/4 of all US-American States combined) 
> 
> https://mashpeewampanoagtribe-nsn.gov/standwithmashpee - The Mashpee Wampanoag tribe is losing their native land piece by piece. Help preserve what belongs to THEM, not the colonizers.
> 
> PLEASE ALSO only buy Native American art from actual Native Americans! Don't support colonizers' factory-produced jewelry, dreamcatchers, pipes, etc., as Natives whose culture(s) these things belong to, don't make a cent in profit on these sales and instead suffer monetary loss from people buying cheap-made factory garbage instead of hand-crafted, ethical work. Thank you!


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